(Closed) I don’t know how to respond to this RSVP

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I’m interested to hear responses to this b/c I’m pretty sure my parents will be responding “yes” to a wedding that they really don’t know about. It’s the day after my due date, so obviously if the baby decides to come then, they won’t be going to the wedding. I’m undecided how I feel about it b/c they don’t want to miss out on a wedding for the small chance that they won’t be able to make it, but I’d be a little pissed that I paid for their plates if I were the bride and groom and they didn’t show.

Post # 3
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would mark it as a no.  Some people won’t show up the day of, and if that happens and this person shows up, they can have their plate.

 

My close friend is due on my wedding date and is saying no for now.  She figures she will do the church part and the dance at the end, but won’t need the dinner.

Post # 4
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

do you HAVE to have an exact number for the caterer or something?

Post # 5
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee

I’d tell them that you need a concrete answer to give to the caterer/venue people so if they’re not sure you’re marking them as a no.

Post # 6
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If I wasnt sure, Id mark yes. Or I’d call and ask the bride.

With my venue, they do a count the day of the wedding. So the final count there is what I pay for (well pay the difference if there are more people, or get a refund if its below)

Post # 7
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@red_rose: Well yeah of course, and she needs to make sure that she has enough chairs setup. If you’re doing assigned seating it really messes with things to not know how many people are coming! 

 

Tough question OP, I hope someone comes along with good advice for you because I’m not sure what I would do!

Post # 8
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would have your mom tell that person that unfortunately, you won’t be able to acommodate them.

For the others… I would talk to the invite with the adult cousin and let them know you are counting them as a yes, but not the cousin. 

I’m having a similar situation.  FI comes from a large farming family in town and we’ve had one aunt/uncle say ‘uncle so and so will miss the ceremony but hopes to make it to the reception’ because of the milking schedule and another aunt/uncle reply for themselves and their adult son & his girlfriend (who got their own invite and rsvp) saying the adult son won’t make the ceremony but maybe the reception. 

The only reason I’m able to ‘go with the flow’ on it is becaue my venue is where i work, so I know if 2 don’t show, they won’t charge me for them.  If I were getting married anywhere else, I’d have that (uncomfortable) conversation.

We’re still waiting on 56 people to respond and our deadline is Friday.  Some are close relatives, like FIs grandparents and cousins… who I assume are waiting for much of the same reason… aren’t sure how long their chores or whatever will take that day.  Who knew I’d need to worry about that when I scheduled the time for the ceremony?!

Good luck!!!

Post # 10
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I guess they’re just trying to be honest about it, and not reply yes when they may not show… but not reply no when they really want to come but are unsure. I think that’s nice to give a heads up. If I were you, I would just tentatively make the responses a “Yes” until further notice. That way you have enough seating, food, etc to accomodate. It’s better than them showing up unannounced 🙂

Post # 11
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would tell them if they aren’t sure, then its going to be a no.

Post # 13
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It would drive me crazy — I mean, we are getting a discount on meals, but they are still $75 each! So if a number of people don’t give us an answer, we have to assume “yes” and you are easily talking hundreds of dollars.

 

Post # 14
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@sit1010: You’d be surprised! A lot of people think that since they’re invited, they can go whether they RSVP or not. Annoying yes. I guess people don’t understand the planning involved. Thankfully my FMIL is catering and we’ll have plenty of food for any randoms.

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