- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
Wow. My very first planning related vent.
I have been feeling very overwhelmed the last few day at the prospect of planning our wedding. When I was ‘waiting’, it seemed like it would be a breeze. All those cute details, fantastic dresses and smiling happy family members… HA! Little did I know just how much pressure comes with an engagement. Trying to balance pressure to set a date, family concerns, budget issues and personal desires is really taxing. It is only 6 weeks in and I feel like throwing my hands up, running to the courthouse with my guy and then just sending out announcements.
The two decisions that my Fiance and I had made were to have the wedding where we live (Cleveland) and that it would not be a church wedding (and it would be a secular ceremony). It seems that my mom has amnesia when it comes to these two very firm decisions. She keeps bringing up venues in my hometown (about 1.5 hrs away) and ministers that she knows that would be willing to perform a ceremony. She is coming around to the fact that we will be having the shindig in Cleveland, but I feel like I have t o justify our decision constantly. I was out to dinner with my parents and we started casually talking about the wedding and my dad said, “Whatever venue you chose needs to have bus parking. We have decided to bus everyone from (Hometown) to Cleveland.” I had a moment of sheer panic and imagined all of my 200+ member family piling out of school buses clown car style. I hadn’t even talked about the guest list with my parents! Fiance and I were thinking 120 people total! At that moment I felt like our plans were going out the window. After some consideration (and my Dad letting me know he planned to pay for *a* small charter bus), it seemed like a much better idea – no need for carpools, fewer hotel rooms, not worrying about drinking & driving, etc, fewer people to give directions to… but it put me on edge.
In addition to that, over the weekend we went to my cousin’s wedding. It was a very traditional ceremony, reception, etc. It was absolutely lovely, but not what I want at all. I feel like I am getting push back from my family to have something similar. I also got a lot of “So we are taking a bus to Cleveland for yours!” comments. Some of the comments came from people I am not even sure we will invite! Sometimes having a large, close knit, gossipy family can be a real pain in the wedding planning a**. It seems like the moment I talked to my mom about something all the women in my family ‘know’ what is going on and has an opinion. It makes me want to elope more and more.
While the family issues keep coming up, budget, or lack thereof, is the biggest stressor for me at this point. My parents (mostly my mom) have said “Tell us what kind of party you want and we will make it happen.” Which is a great position to be in, but I feel odd accepting their money. I have been on my own for years and I know that my parents’ finances aren’t that great. They have two kids still in college and my mom recently quit her job for health reasons. How can I accept their money if I feel that it is *our* responsibility to pay for the wedding? How can I accept the assistance if they don’t share our vision for the wedding? And then comes the real kicker… Fiance and I don’t have two nickels to rub together when it comes to paying for a wedding.
With all of this going on, I have all these questions swirling through my head and I feel paralyzed by them. How can we set a date if we don’t have money for a venue? How in the world can I get people to stop asking if we have set a date? How can I tactfully NOT invite my cousin who shows up only for the dinner portion of family weddings? How can I show guest how cool Cleveland really is? (Seriously, it is pretty cool.) How can I explain to my parents that Fiance and I aren’t kidding when we said we want a (relatively) small wedding? And that we want to serve BBQ. How can Fiance and I get ourselves together to save for a downpayment for a house and pay for a wedding while working our (relatively) crappy jobs?
*sigh* It gets a little easier, right?
Wow. That was a lot longer than I expected. If you made it through the whole thing, kudos to you!