i don't know if i want to get married anymore..

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

nskyrpan:  And… you want to stay in the relationship because of how awesome he treats you? 

Sorry, not trying to be mean here, but you answered your question already. Have some faith and confidence in yourself 🙂

Post # 3
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee

Definately cancel any wedding plans.

Post # 4
Member
2112 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Leave. 

I get that it’s scary to realize that you’ve been in a terrible relationship for your entire adult life. It sucks. I get that.

But…don’t you want more?

Don’t you want more than a fiancé who wants to sleep with prostitutes while he’s in a relationship? Sex more than once a month? Doing things with your SO? More than a whoring, drug user, FI who insults you, and thinks hunting is more exciting than marrying you?

I’ll let you in on a secret. There IS more for you out there. You just have to get out of your pizza bed and find it cuz it sure as shit won’t come to you there.

Post # 5
Member
1291 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Why are you still in the relationship? Sorry if that sounds harsh, but what exactly are you getting from it? Be strong and get out – there’s so much more waiting for you out there.

Post # 6
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You sound like you are having an absolutely shit time.

Could you even IMAGINE bringing kids into this?

Cut your losses. A house is just bricks and mortar. Save yourself a lifetime of unhappiness.

Post # 7
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

nskyrpan:  nobody deserves to be treated this badly,  especially by the person they love. i know you think he’ll change and things will get better, and he might even change for a little while to win you back, but trust me, I’ve been in your shoes and he will never change. believe me when I say it may be hard at first but you will move on and find a good man who loves you right and you’ll be happy you left him.

the biggest red flag is when you said you felt unfulfilled and started dreaming of others. Thats your brain’s way of telling you its time to go. Please stay strong and you will get through this

Post # 8
Member
677 posts
Busy bee

Leave. I think you know inside that there’s no discussion or debate to be had here. I imagine you posted because you know that but have had your confidence sapped by his abuse and you no longer trust yourself – so you are turning to strangers for validation.

The life you describe sounds miserable. I would never wish it upon anyone. I hope you do the right thing. Good luck. You are stronger than you know. Now you need to act as if you’re stronger than you feel.

one day, I hope you find yourself cuddled up with a truly wonderful man, happy, fulfilled, and thankful that you grabbed your courage and walked away from a terrible situation out of respect for yourself and your future family.

Post # 9
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

You don’t need to marry him. This does not sound like a healthy relationship. 

Post # 10
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

“The abuse has mostly stopped”

 

Oh honey, any abuse is too much. You sound like you’re desperately unhappy. And if it hasn’t gotten better by now then why should you expect it to get better in the future. I think you’re suffering from the “sunk costs fallacy” – you’re afraid to waSte the time you’ve already spent on this relationship. Please don’t throw good time after bad. Leave – I know it’s scary but you deserve more than this. 

Post # 11
Member
425 posts
Helper bee

Don’t back peddle, you absolutely are doing the right thing by walking away from the relationship. Yeah it will be harder and more complicated since you have a house together, but it’s much easier now than if you went through with a marriage that deep down (or not even deep down) you know isn’t right. Good luck, stay strong!

Post # 12
Member
1273 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

Being alone is so much easier than being alone with someone.   

Post # 14
Member
1291 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

nskyrpan:  I can understand that. But you’re still young (I didn’t meet FI until I was 32 and I’ll be 35 by the time we’re married) and you can start again with a much, much happier outcome.  Angyjaxon hit the nail on the head – being alone in a relationship is far far worse than being alone.

Post # 15
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: An amazing castle. August 2015

nskyrpan:  you definitely need to leave this awful man. I was in a crappy relationship with my ex fiancé (not abusive, but cheating) who I owned a house with and also thought that I couldn’t leave because of the financial impact. But I did and I kept the house, working 2 jobs to pay the mortgage and bills. It was the best thing I ever did! I was single for 2 years and enjoyed every minute of it, then I met my amazing fiancé and I couldn’t be happier. I was 27 when I became single and 29 when I met my fiancé. We got engaged this year,  2 days after my 33rd birthday and are getting married in 2 years. I am living proof that it does work out 🙂 please leave this relationship,  there is someone waiting for you, you’ve just got to find him and you won’t do that stuck in an unhealthy unhappy relationship. Good luck xx

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