(Closed) I don't know if we should be getting married…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee

My advice is to go to counseling together.

Post # 4
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I need more details. How often do you two spend time together and how often do you spend time apart? Do you two live together? Do you see each other on the weekends?

Post # 5
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@filledwithdoubts:  I am sorry you are feeling this way. I am in somewhat of a bind with my DH but nothing I would leave him for. I dont want to give advice because I myself need it in so many parts of my lfie but if you love him, dont give up so easily.  

This could also have happened ten years from now, would you divorce him.  I think that you should have a long talk with him and tell him what you feel. Lord knows I should be following my own advice but men sometimes dont think there is a problem because they dont have the same needs as we do. 

I am not sure I made any sense. It has been such an emotional day for me as well. 

Post # 6
Member
1473 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@filledwithdoubts:  No relationship stays how it was the first year or so. I can see why you are upset, but like you said he works a lot and just because you don’t feel like the center of his universe doesn’t mean you aren’t. Life sucks and there are a lot of things to do in a 24 hour period and just because he can’t be there as much as you would like him to do does not mean he doesn’t love you.

I see my FI MAYBE 3 times a week right now. He is busy running his business and I’m planning this wedding in 2 weeks. Do I miss him? Absolutely and I know he misses me too. Sometimes life gets in the way of what we want and we can’t always be around each other and we both get that and we make the best of the time we do have. Or we just sleep.

I think you need to take a deep breath and calmly think about if this is the only thing that is making you have doubts about your upcoming marriage. Because if it is, I think you’re going to be okay. But if you really are extremely unhappy, then you need to have a SERIOUS conversation with your dude about it.

Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Honestly….I think this may be paranoia but I agree with cady that we’d need more details. The only thing you can do is speak very openly and honestly with him and if he tells you that you’re happy then you need to trust him. Good luck xxx

Post # 9
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@filledwithdoubts:  You two can’t set up times on the weekends to see each other? This needs to be addressed now before you two get married.

Ask if he can do at least a day to spend together and see what he says.

Post # 10
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@filledwithdoubts:  Also, I have a tendancy to do this. I have a worst case scenario outlook on life and it used to (and to some extent still does) make me paranoid that things are wrong when they’re not. This is why i’m suggesting speaking to him and trusting his responses. xx

Post # 12
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Many of us tend to over analyze and over think things. It is in our nature.  Sometimes it sucks being a woman. I wish I had the emotions of a guy. lol 

@filledwithdoubts:  I feel lonely at times because I dont always get the affection from my DH.  I am sure lots of woman feel the same way but wont ever admit it.  

Post # 13
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My FI and I go through periods of this. It feels like there is no real longing and emotion and you get frustrated. It sucks, but that’s part of getting comfortable with one another. I flat out told my FI that it was not ok and that I needed more romance in a sense. We worked out a system where we go on a date like we use to (drinks out, dinner, maybe dancing) at least once a month so it doesn’t break the bank. It helps. I also tell him when he isn’t flirting with me. Sounds weird to say but if you don’t communicate your wants and needs he can’t help. If he claims he doesn’t feel that way and is shocked, just let him know you want it fixed and that’s why u bring it up. We are doing premarital counseling and it seems to be helping. We haven’t had date nights this month and I don’t feel neglected or undesired like I have been because we are talking more and communicating our true needs. If you think it’s worth fighting for, then fight. If you want more spark, tell him exactly what u want. Guys can get in a lull with relationships where they think “ok, it’s all good, no more work to be done” and they need to be reminded. If you do this, please report back on how it goes. I think you’re just in need of a good flirty date night,

Post # 16
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Planning a wedding is hard! So is life with someone. Especially when you both work, for long periods of time. You get into a routine and forget about what’s important. Can you book a few nights away together at a hotel? Maybe go to the beach or somewhere super relaxing. I really think you just need to spend some time together, re-connect. Even if you can’t get away, spend some time together! Go to the cinema and out for a meal. And I really think it would help to tell him that you feel this way. Maybe he does too and doesn’t know how to work things out? You sound like you’re good together, maybe you just need to spend some time together again. And if you’re still having doubts after that, you’ll know there’s other problems. Good luck!

The topic ‘I don't know if we should be getting married…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors