Post # 1
My SO has a coworker who I just cannot stand, she alwasy flirts with him and acts like I don’t exist. I trust my SO and I know he wouldn’t cheat on me so that isn’t the issue it is:
This weekend while out drinking I was standing next to him when a text came in from her (BTW she is MARRIED) and it started with Hey Hun…. HELL NO. I said nothing because I was drunk and didn’t want to ruin everyone’s night. I just put it on the back burner and it’s now been stewing all weekend.
I haven’t been able to sleep good all weekend, I’ve been anxious and jealous and wanting to punch her in the face. I don’t care WTF is going on in her marriage but that does NOT give her the right to text him with Hey Hun when he is with me.
My question is, since it is his coworker I obviously cannot say anything directly to her because that can look badly on SO. However I am going to SO’s tonight and should I say something to him? I want to tell him what I saw (I was NOT snooping it was just there right in my face) and ask him to tell her to not text him unless it is work related (which should be never). I want him to tell her that it was disrespectful to me and that he is with me and that isn’t going to change and she needs to leave him alone.
Oye I am having such a hard time with this. Do I suck it up and forget it or tell him what I saw? BTW he did not message her back.
Also I have to see this woman in the next 2 weeks ugh.
Post # 3
I think its fair to ask him not to text her. But remember that he can’t control what she says and does, so try not to be mad at him for that.
Post # 4
@Bazinga: I would mention it to him. I would flip out too. “Hey Hun” is not okay in my books.
Post # 5
First, it is OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE you remain calm in your conversation with him. And you MUST have a conversation with him. Sit him down and tell him that you glanced over his shoulder and happened to see the text. Say that you did say anythign at the time because you didnt want to make a scene but it is really bothering you. you understand they have a friendship but you think that because she is married and he has you, this is behavior is disrepsectful to both partners. Emphasize how you are not telling him he cants have female friends or coworkers as friends, but those relationships should be friendly and not affectionate…and “hun” is certainly affectionate.
See what he says.
Post # 6
He can’t control what she says or does. He didn’t text her back so I think it’s a non-issue.
Post # 7
Some people just talk like that. Lots of people call everyone things like hun, or sweetie, or whatever. It doesn’t necessarily mean she’s trying to steal him.
And if he didn’t even message her back, I don’t get what you have to freak out at him about? He hasn’t done anything wrong. Let it go. You’re going to start something over nothing.
Post # 8
maybe she just calls very one hun.. i know i do. :s
Post # 9
Thanks ladies. I’m not mad at him, he didn’t text first or anything, she did and he didn’t respond.
@1stRosie- Thanks for the layout of the convo, you made excellent points. I’m fine with him having female friends and coworders and I’ve dealt with the flirting because up until this point to my knowledge it has all been her just acting stupid but now with saying Hey Hun that is not ok with me. That is what I text him and it is affectionate, not friendly and there is something wrong with that.
Post # 10
@1stRosie: I agree with this. By all means ask him about the text, but try to stay calm since he didn’t do anything wrong. Chances are this woman annoys him, too.
Post # 11
Maybe she just calls everyone ‘hun’.. I know I do. :s
Post # 12
I have to agree since he didn’t text her back I would not say a word. I am the type of person even though married I call men and women hun. It is just something I say. I believe you are going to just stir up more trouble than it’s worth if you say something.
Post # 13
Let him know that this upsets you very much and that this is not ok. Obviously you can’t directly control what this woman does but it wouldn’t hurt to ask your SO to tell her to quit it and that it is no longer and never was ok for her to send these messages. Hope everything works out for you!
Post # 14
@cb336- I wasn’t going to ‘freak out’ at him. It has been weighing on me because I know she has messaged him in the past and it’s not called for. She could have simply just stated what she said in the rest of the message, she did not have to start it with hey hun.
She doesn’t call everyone hun, just him apparently, I’ve never even heard her call her husband hun.
Post # 15
Also I know he didn’t text her back at that moment, no idea if he did later or not but I don’t think so. I’m just annoyed that she keeps flirting with him constantly even though she’s married, she even does it in front of me and doesn’t seem to care that I am his gf.
Post # 16
Some people just don’t know the proper behavior when addressing other people. It is disrespectful and sometimes demeaning or derogatory to refer to everyone as “Hun”.
But your SO is not responsible for her behavior. I think this is your problem, not his. I would not bring it up. The reality is that he could ask her not to text him, but he really can’t stop her.