I don't know what to do…

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

@wyndi:  She must have assumed you got your dad to go after her. That’s what I would think if I were her. Tell her you don’t mind but maybe as a courtesy she could have asked? It is a little bridezilla to think you have control over their hair cuts, tattoo choices or peircings for the next year because she will be in your wedding. 

Post # 4
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

If she’s not going to communicate with you, she doesn’t need to be in the wedding. 

You’re trying to plan something and get all of the details settled. If she’s going to avoid you — if that is what she’s doing — and have you chase her around and track her down, she can just be a guest. 

Personally, I wouldn’t put up with such nonsense for long. If she gets in contact with you before you go to look at dresses, shows up to the appointment, and doesn’t make things difficult, then it may be just fine to keep her in the wedding. If she’s going to cause trouble and stress, she doesn’t need to be involved. That’s just my take on it. 

By the way, I don’t think being upset that she made such a noticeable change to her appearance makes you a “bridezilla”, as a previous commenter has suggested. You haven’t said anything to her, and you’re not going to make her change it, so you haven’t crossed any boundaries. You’ve done nothing wrong or rude in this situation, if what you wrote is correct. 

Post # 5
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If your wedding isn’t until April she could easily take it out by then anyway – if SHE wanted to that is. 

Post # 6
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

Piercings/Tattoos are what they are. And not something that a bride can dictate. Hair…sometimes. Don’t let her cause you too much stress, tell her if she would like to be out of the wedding party there will be no hard feelings and if she would like to be in it then you would love for her to join in on events. Try to think long term and see where you want your relationship with her to be – if you want her in your life long term then i would approach this with a lot of understanding and try to preserve the friendship – whether or not she opts in. 

Post # 11
Member
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

@wyndi:  I think you can be a little peeved, I know I would find it a little inconsiderate that she didn’t even think to ask. She may have assumed you are being a bridezilla because she assumed you made your dad talk to her. I am not saying you are a bridezilla 😀

@Rhopalocera:  You must have misread my post. 

Post # 12
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@wyndi:  So she is acting like this when you yourself did not actually say anything to her at all?? sheesh!

If there is no other possibility of a reason she could be mad, I would probably text her stating point blank that you did not ask your dad to say anything about the peircing and if he upset her, you are sorry. You agree she should do what she likes with her body, and you are looking forward to sharing wedding moments with her.

She may need to know straight up you did not say anything negative about the peircing and respect her choice to have it — in addition to knowing you still want her in the wedding.

I do have to say — It seems pretty rash for her to go off the radar completely when she is one of your best friends and had made plans to join you for important wedding related activities. That would really upset me. I know you’ve said she’s still your friend and you want to keep it that way, but I think I might caution myself over what kind of support you can expect from her if shes willing to act this way over something you yourself did not even do. Is it typical for her to just withdraw rather than address issues head on with a best friend?

Post # 14
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

@wyndi – I have been there, too. Love my girls, but sometimes I have a few feelings of dislike 😉 Happens to everyone. 

Post # 16
Member
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

@Rhopalocera:  Clearly you did. As I did not “suggest she was a bridezilla”. I said expecting that is bridezilla. OP did not say she needed to okay every personal decision with her and the BM probably assumed that was the behaviour she was demonstrating. 

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