I don't know what to do…….

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Garden

I know I should sugar coat this but I don’t have the patience.

1. You probably dodged a bullet, it doesn’t sound like he is in the right headspace for marriage.

2. If you’re not confident enough in your self and your relationship to tell your family about your boyfriend for three years, you’re probably not ready for marriage either.

My advice is to let yourself cry this out for a few days, then get together with some friends, have a girls night, and realise that you can move past this and find someone who wants to commit to you and only you.

Post # 5
83 posts
Worker bee

I really feel for you. It honestly sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape for your ex to have shown his true colours before you were married with a couple of kids together. I was in a relationship with an older man when i was around your age and please believe me when i say that you are probably at very different life stages, especially if you are still at university.

I know it can hurt to be decieved, and its worse when its with an ex and the detachment is probably just your mind not wanting to deal with it. You sound very sweet and from what you said of your ex, it doesnt sound like you were suited. You should enjoy being young and maybe try to find someone closer to your own age. Hugs

Post # 7
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

This guy is 31 years old and still behaving this immaturely? Not to mention he seems to have no problem openly cheating on you (posting up FB pics seen by all his friends and your relatives, so clearly he doesn’t care who finds out) and lying right to your face!?? Walk away from this guy and don’t look back!!!!! 

I know you’re very hurt right now, but that will heal with some time. Try and keep reminding yourself that you deserve someone who treats you better than this – and at 31 he’s really old enough to know what he’s doing and is not going to change his ways, no matter what he tells you. 

Trust me when I say you’re so much better off without this idiot. *big hugs* 


ETA – And he HIT you?!?!! So in addition to lying, cheating, manipulation and emotional abuse he also thinks that giving you a black eye is acceptable behaviour. Wow…. just.. wow.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  SomeBlonde.
Post # 8
83 posts
Worker bee

He sounds like a pathetic loser to be honest. Manipulative possessive guys tend to go for younger women because theyre easier to control. I know its easy to say you should have walked away after he hit you but it sounds like he had a lot of mind games going on. Please just reread your own post and you will see how horrible he sounds. And your parents love you, they will just be so glad that youre not with this man anymore

Post # 10
4878 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

He HIT you?!  That, plus his emotional abuse are more than enough reasoms to end all contact with this jerk.

Post # 12
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

This is the best thing that could ever have happened to you.  You are free of this controlling monster.  Break off all contact and re-build your self-confidence. I wish you all the best. xx

Post # 13
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

lostbee21:  Geezes girl!  I’d call this guy scum but it’d be an insult to scum.

I know it sucks to essentially told you aren’t wanted, but is this really the kind of many you want loving you?  Because it shouldn’t be.  You are FAR too good for him.  FAR, FAR too good.

Here’s what you need to do.  Get a good bottle of wine, your favorite ice cream, and your best friend and have a good bitch session about it.  But then stop after that.  This guy doesn’t deserve your tears or even one more thought.  Don’t ever contact him again.  Consider the clothes he has a deposit in the karma bank and move on.

Good luck and I’m so sorry you’re in this situation.  You’ll get through it and you’ll come out stronger and better.

Post # 14
1843 posts
Buzzing bee

As hard as it might sound and be, JUST. LET. IT. GO. You’ll be doing yourself a huge favor by staying the hell away from this dirtbag. You mention you are a law student. Well, in your future you’ll see this type of person whenever you go to court. Don’t need to have a liar, cheating woman beater at home.

I know it’s hard to let go of your first relationship, your first sexual partner. Been there.  I also know it’s hard to confront and stand up to someone ten years your senior when you just are just 21. Been there. Sorry but a grown ass man who is mature and responsible has nothing to do with 21 years old. Let alone an almost 30 year old with 18 -20 year olds. Later in life, it doesn’t really matter as you are fully grown, mature, independent people. But not when you are still in your teens, early twenties and still living with mom and dad, who provide for everything. 

Let’s look at the facts.

– He is 31, still living with his mom (not necessarily a big deal as some people do that in order to be able to save and buy a home etc. or during financial hardship. But something to look at). Does he actually have a job? Where does he work? Etc.

– He lies 

– He blocks you

– He threatens you

– He manipulates you

– He cheats on you. And happily does so in front of his family

– He actually HITS you!!!

sorry but none of the above sounds like husband material. And no, love is NOT enough.

i say the universe has made you a huge favor. Now don’t go back chasing a f*ed up future for yourself. With this guy it’s not a matter of IF you’ll have bad issues with him but WHEN. Get away. Cry, change your number, delete his, block him from your FB and start your process of moving on. This was your first bad experience in love. It happens. We all go through hard stuff. But I can guarantee you something, girl. You’ll love again. You’ll fall in love with someone in the future. With the same intensity or even more. And you’ll be grateful this happened so he is not in your life anymore.

It hurts, I know it hurts and you’ll want answers. I am sorry to let you know sometimes in relationships you don’t get those answers. And sometimes it’s for the best. It’s up to you to just look where you failed yourself, the signals you overlooked, the stuff you did and shouldn’t have done. Not to beat yourself, but to recognize how you landed yourself with such a dirtbag. To recognize them, to identify them and to make sure you don’t make those mistakes again. 

I wouldn’t be surprised if you don’t have a lot of friends to go out with, as it seems he had become your center and your universe. But go out and find some distractions, go out and have fun to keep you busy while this passes.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Sporty-Bee.
Post # 15
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

lostbee21:  My advice is for you to be single for a while as you still have a lot of growing up to do. You should never stay in an abusive relationship and you should never be with someone you have to hide from your family for three years, let alone consider marrying them. If you aren’t grown enough to tell your family what you want and stand on your own two feet then you aren’t grown enough for a relationship. You let your family control you and this guy did the same thing. Hopefully this has been an eye-opener.

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