I don't know what to do anymore…. [long]

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

anonybee321: I don’t think he will change his mind. He has a very close relationship with his mother and must think she is absolutely helpless if she can’t even spend the night alone when she is sleeping.

Could the two of you compromise by finding a house that has a basement suite so that she can be close by (very close) but still have her own place and not be sharing your household space?

Post # 3
Member
13003 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t think you are being selffish, and don’t know what you should do.  But I think it’s pretty obvious his mom will ALWAYS come first.  You need to accept feeling like this or just cut your losses.  So it’s ok for you to sleep alone, but not his mother?  He’s made his choice, it’s up to you to decide if you can live like this forever. I dont think getting married is going to make this different and make you his priority either.  Honestly, I think it will be just as bad or worse after you are married cause then you are eessentially trapped in it as his wife and can no longer just walk away.

Post # 5
Member
1062 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

He won’t change his mind. His mother will always come before you. I don’t know what to tell you, but I don’t think I could be in a relationship knowing that I will never be #1 in my FI’s life. It sounds like you can’t either, at least, you won’t be happy knowing you aren’t his priority.

Post # 7
Member
903 posts
Busy bee

It sounds like the furthest away you’ll get her is in a granny flat at your house (little one bedroom in the backyard with a kitchenette and bathroom). That might be okay if she’s not the type to interfere in your patenting and running of the house (think Everybody Loves Raymond). Keep in mind though her needs might effect other aspects of your life, like whether you can take vacations without her. 

Post # 8
Member
1055 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Loft

This grown man sleepson the bed with his mother? I’m going to get flamed here but I’m Sorry that is disturbing. There are some major codependency issues here. You won’t ever come first….or second. You’re third. 

Post # 10
Member
1185 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I don’t know the cultural differences here… But there relationship is a little TOO close in my opinion. My fiancé gives me back rubs and foot rubs… He wants me to be accompanied at night. sharing a bed and holding hands? That is honestly beyond me. 

Post # 11
Member
1062 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

anonybee321:  Well, be prepared for his mother to take over your household. I think we all know where this is going if you stay with him. 

Are you planning on marrying him (and his mother)? 

Post # 13
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee

missjz:   thank god I am not the only one who thinks this is not normal the hand holding also is too much for me. 

OP you are a good woman to even consider this arrangement I sure couldn’t live like that. 

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