Weddingbee boards

Ok, I'm bee using another name. 

It's not a huge problem but I just can't figure out what to do with the DH.

I just found out today that DH's job is having problems with the date we selected to go on our honeymoon.  I just booked it last week.

So a few weeks ago, I started looking around for our honeymoon.  I found an all inclusive and did all the researching to make sure this was the one.  Well, I asked the DH a bunch a times over the course of a week to make sure this date was ok.  He said it was.  He is a general manager of a restaurant and he checked his work calendar to make sure his assistant manager wasn't taking off at the same time.  She was taking off the month after.

Well, we booked and now there's problems.  Apparently, when I kept bugging him to make sure it was ok to book it for that week, he didn't even verbally tell anyone.  I don't know how he didn't tell someone that he was planning a week long trip.  Well turns out, that his assistant manager's plans also changed and now it looks like her trip will conflict with ours.

First of all, I didn't pay extra for the trip insurance because I've never had to use it before and I thought the week we picked was fine.  Second, I asked him if she could move her trip around. Well, that doesn't work because she's going to Europe and she booked her trip too.  So we both booked relatively big trips and we can't change it.

So I get in the car today and he tells me all of this.  He said his district manager found out about our trip and told him "As general manager, he is responsible to make sure at least one manager is availble to work in the store."

His response after I tell him we can't cancel is, well, if something happens, I could always get another job.

What??!??!  Ok, he's told me he doesn't like his job because it's not what he went to school for. (He went to art school and got a BS in Illustration.)  He's not happy in the restaurant business.  But he's not keeping up with his artwork.  I told him to look at the local art school and see if he can enroll in some classes.  BTW, I've always been supportive of his job. I try to persuade him to do his art but he doesn't want to.  I've never talked down on him for his job in the food biz.  He and I both know he's not the best general manager.  He can lead a group of employees and he good at working with customers, he good with numbers and money but the one thing he lack is reliability and related to that responsibility.  He's not the best person when it comes to getting things done.  His inventory was messed up a few months ago.  He had the lowest numbers in sales for the company.  I know that restaurant biz is not for him but he's had so much experience in the biz, so it's kind of where he is stuck right now.

Anyway, I got really pissed at him because I can't believe all the effort I took into telling him what days we wanted to go our HM.  I asked him daily if it's ok.  I asked him like 3 times before actually booking.  I just don't understand I told him to do something and he doesn't do it.

And just how his solution to this problem is oh well, i guess i'll find another job if they fire me. 

I'm have good work ethic (most of the time) and I'm super reliable and I do a lot for him. I schedule his dr appointments, I filled out his passport application and told him all he has to do is get his pictures done and take it to the post office to complete it.  I have to lay things out for him.  I don't mind doing this because it's my personality, I've had to become really independent during high school.  For him, his mom did a lot of the same stuff I do for him. (before we got married.) I took over the reigns after we got married.

Anyway, what can I do to get him to be more responsible and reliable.  I know I learned by the lessons i learned through college. I thought maybe he need to take classes in team management, time management... you know all those course I took in college.(He's almost 30 and how do you get someone to be more responsible.)  (Oh, and I've tried giving him small tasks, like paying the cell phone bill.  He did it for a month but gave up because he couldn't remember how to do it. )

I'm thinking big picture here, that what happens if he get another job and it ends the same way. That his employer can't rely on him.

I know he has potential to be a great artist but he just isn't trying hard enough. I had to call the local art school and they have been calling to talk to him.  He doesn't want to talk to them. I'm trying all I can to get him into the career he wants.

Are there responsibility classes that someone can take?

Yes, maybe I should just go on this trip because we have to and if he loses his job we will go from there.

Also, I'm paying for our HM, we didn't have much money left from our wedding gifts and I'm using my bonus money to pay for it.  I didn't have a problem doing this but I just can't believe he wouldn't tell anyone at work about this week long trip that I'm spending my work bonus on. I just don't understand how inconsiderate he is.  He's essentially just gambled with my money. 

I was so happy about this trip. So excited.  Now, I'm bummed.

I don't know what to do.

This is the first big argument since getting married.  I thought the 'honeymoon' period would have lasted longer than this. ( I love him but this is just frustrating how he is sometimes.)

Thanks for listening to my vent.

Seniority thing doesn't work because he has been there for a year while she has been there for 3 or 4 years.

This assistant manager doesn't like to use vacation so the company is making her take off for the month to use up her vacay.  I don't know how long she will be in europe but I will talk to DH and see what he thinks.

Yeah, I'm definitely the planner in the house.  I do the bills, the grocery shopping, taxes, remind him that he needs to get his oil changed.  I know my work is more flexible than he is. So I could take a 30 min break to call a creditor or make an dr appt.  Being in the restaurant biz, he doesn't really have the time to do that stuff. So i do it for him.  He has severe asthma so once we moved in together, I had to remind him constantly to take his medicine.  I stopped now because I think he remembers.  He needs nebulizer treatments everynight and about a month ago, he ran out!  I had to call his doctor and try to get a asap rx.  Why didn't a red flag go off in his head to check to make sure he has medication. 

There are things he does that I don't like to do.  So there are things that I am gratefull that he does for me. 

@mountainbride. OMG, he hates using his phone.  I got him an iphone so that he could go on fb and communicate to other people, like his friends and family. 

Just kind of random but a few weeks ago, I downloaded an app for his iphone for netflix. so he could update the movie queue.  I was a bit concerned about giving him this power but I thought how much harm could he do. Well, he went in there and saw "random and stupid" movies and thought it was ones that netflix suggested.  He deleted them.  All of the movies he deleted were mine!  WTH!!

Yeah, I know being married to an artist does have its quirks.  But DH isn't happy at his current job and wants to get something do something with his artwork... but yet he's not doing anything to move toward his goal. I'm trying to motivate him. I have a brother in law who asked him to draw something for one of his clients and he did a great job.  He was complaining about doing it but ended up doing it.

I don't know, maybe there are some insecurity issues he's been dealing with.  I don't want to tell him that maybe he should talk to someone about it.  Because I know he has to want to talk to someone about it.

Also, I know he's told me that he feels like a loser because he's not doing anything with his degree.  Then he looks at me and sees everything that I'm doing. I'm a modest person so I will never tell myself that I'm awesome (cuz I'm not).  But a lot things for me fell into place. I got a job right out of college.  My boss loved me so much that when he left the company for another company, he asked me to come along.  So my DH moved  to follow my career.  I told him that moving to this new location, could potentially give him more access to an artist friendly area.  I told him that he should look into finding people with similar goals, and told him to look into classes.  Like, I said a few times... but I don't know what else i can do.