- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
I’ve been a lurker here for awhile, I feel weird posting this as my first post but I’m about to go crazy.
I’m 32. I’m divorced with an 11 year old daughter. About a year ago, due to finances, I was still living with my ex-husband as roommates. We have been split up for a long time and there were no feelings between us, we were just roommates. We didn’t hate each other or anything, we just got married way too young and grew up to be different people. So about a year ago, my mother convinced me to move in with her. So I did. I hadn’t lived with my mother since I was 18 and time and distance washed away all the negatives that I wish I had remembered before moving in. Things have been challenging, we’ve had some pretty bad moments and it wasn’t fun to live here but it’s nothing like it has been the past couple of weeks.
I got engaged on Christmas day. My fiance is seriously the man of my dreams, he has every quality that I’ve ever dreamed of and he adores my daughter (and she adores him) so of course when he proposed, I said yes! I was ecstatic. My mother loved him, he was nothing but helpful to her. He put together her new furniture, hooked up her electronics, changed her light bulbs, put up and took down her christmas decorations, etc. She has said he was good for me and a good guy.
For the first couple of days after our engagement, she was happy. She was giving US ideas about the wedding. And then like a switch, she did a 180 about it. I have no clue what happened. I’ve asked her but she won’t tell me. She is spreading lies about me and my fiance to my other family. She is absolutely miserable to be around. And she has disallowed him from coming over. I’ve endured two weeks of pure misery living here.. walking on eggshells, etc. And then it all blew up today.
I woke up at 9 am to get ready for work. I made coffee, I went outside to have a cigarette. My mom is out there but I don’t say anything to her. The first thing she says to me is “when are you moving out, I want a date because I can’t deal with this anymore”. My response was genuine confusion, “Huh? I hadn’t thought about it.. can’t deal with what anymore?” Her – “you!” I repeated again that I hadn’t thought about it so I didn’t know. Her response – “Then you need to take your daughter and leave my house right now”, I asked her where I was supposed to go and she said she didn’t care. She then called me a psycopath, mentally abusive, told me my fiance would find out my true colors soon enough and leave me, etc. etc. And then she repeated again that I had to leave right THEN. Well, I wasn’t about to just let her put my daughter out on the street or even let her be scared about it.. we have a lease and there are laws about this and I told her she couldn’t just kick me out like that. Well, she blew up.. “it’s MY house and I can do whatever I want and if you don’t leave right now, I will call the cops to have them escort you off”. I told her to call them. She did. And they told her exactly what I did, that there is a process and you can’t just kick someone out on the street when you have a rental agreement.
My mother is a control freak and someone who likes to have power. So being told that she didn’t have control or power over this pissed her OFF. A few years ago, I bought a car and I put it in her name (per her suggestion, for various reasons.. she has better credit mostly), but I’ve paid every single cent of that car, on time every month.. I pay the insurance, I pay the tags, I pay it ALL. Well, since she didn’t have the house to lord over me, she used the car. She said if I drove it off the drive way, she would call the cops and report it stolen and I’d go to jail. And I guess she can, as it’s in her name. We only had verbal agreements and she said as far as anyone knows, I’ve been “renting” the car from her. So.. I ended up calling in sick to work, because I had no way to GET to work.And at this point in the conversation I did call her a witch (with a b), unforunately.. and crazy. I am not proud of that.
She called my dad (they are divorced) and asked him to “calm her down and talk sense into her and get her to leave”. I was perfectly calm, I was just sitting there, lol. She told him numerous lies about me right in front of me. Thankfully, my dad is well aware that she’s crazy so whatever.
Oh and she walked inside and my daughter was watching tv and she said “That’s my tv, I paid for it and you are not alowed to use it”. My daughter didn’t do a THING to her.
So now I’m sitting here with 30 days until I have to be out with all of my stuff and with no car, despite that just 3 days ago I paid a $300 car payment. I can’t go to work, I can’t take my daughter to school.. I just don’t know what to do.
I honestly have no idea what I did. I’ve asked. She won’t tell me. If I knew, I would at least know how to fix it. She has always been controlling and wanting things done her way and if you don’t live how she wants you to live, then you are dirt to her. And she has no problems lying to anyone to make herself look like the victim. And no problems taking things out of context and twisting them. And over stupid things! One lie she’s been telling is that my fiance is a part time waiter and that’s his only job. He’s a full time manager at a restaurant. I don’t even know where she got that from and she’s been told that what she’s saying is not true over and over again but she still keeps telling people that. Why? That’s just one of many lies she tells about me. She told my brothers that she didn’t know I was engaged until I put it up on facebook.. complete and TOTAL lie, she was the first one who knew. And on and on. She tried her best to drag my boyfriend into it when he was over here but he refused to let her.
And the worst part of all of this is the way this war zone is affecting my daughter and my daughter being treated just as poorly!
I could speculate about WHY.. maybe she’s going to be lonely after I move out. Or maybe she got pissed because my dad asked her to help pay for the wedding (I did not ask him to and told him we would pay for anything ourselves.. but he wanted the two of them to pay for it).. Or.. I mean I really don’t know. I’m sure I did something but I don’t know. I would be HAPPY to talk to her about it and listen to her concerns but she doesn’t want to.
I don’t live here for free, I pay rent and all the utlities except for electricity.
Through all of this, my fiance has been amazing.. that’s the one bright side. I just don’t know what to do, I don’t want my mother to hate me but I don’t even know what I DID. If anyone actually read this far, thank you.. and if you have any words of wisdom, please share!