(Closed) I don't know what to do & need desperate advice..

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think it’s normal for the butterflies to dissipate after a while. Especially living together you fall into a certain routine and I can see how it sometimes feels like you are just roommates. Maybe try doing some of the things you used to do when you first started dating? Even recreate your first date if you can. Have him pick you up, or meet there, however it was the first time. All those old romantic butterfly feelings will start coming back. And it’s fun to go down memory lane and see how far you’ve come. Talk about how nervous you both were and look at how far you’ve come now. Living with lots of other people might make it hard to have alone time, so make it a priority.

Also, you might want to talk to a counselor or therapist about your OCD, maybe there is something that can help?

Post # 5
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Love is a cycle – sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down. I think movies and tv shows have really warped my perception of what love is, maybe you can relate. movies and tv shows make it seem like if you don’t feel butterflies and rainbows 100% of the time, it’s not right. reality is more complicated. Sometimes it’s boring and there isn’t much to say to one another. Sometimes you fart too much and he gets mad at you. Just because it doesn’t always feel magical doesn’t mean it’s wrong – hang in there and you’ll cycle back to that feeling again. Too many people run around, giving up great relationships to chase a fleeting feeling.

Post # 6
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@ConfusedBrideToBe:  It’s only been a week, and especially given your anxious personality, I’d definitely just wait it out for a while before doing anything at all. There are definite ups and downs in relationships… sometimes they’re situational or interpersonal, but  sometimes they’re just hormonal/chemical. Give it a couple weeks and if you still feel the same, talk to him about it and maybe seek some therapy. OCD, anxiety, paranoia… all make relationships difficult and twist your brain into knots… I would know. haha. Give yourself some time first, try not to worry about it, and see how you feel by about February.  

 

 

@Erin418:  “Sometimes you fart too much and he gets mad at you.” I LITERALLY laughed out loud when I read that. Thank you. lol

Post # 8
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

@ConfusedBrideToBe:  To what degree do you think that living with his family contributes to this? For me personally, I’d rather delay, or skip a wedding altogether, rather than live with parents. I wonder if you really get a real sense of what your married life will be like together if you’ve never experience living alone together.

Post # 11
Member
3553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@ConfusedBrideToBe:  It sounds to me like you guys need to have a talk about reinstating some quality time into your lives. I’m not suprised you’re not feeling the ‘spark’ if you’re never alone with your FI. My FI and I definitely act differently in private than we do in front of other people (we would probably drive others up the wall with our mushyness). If we never got that time alone to be mushy, I too would probably start feeling like my relationship was less loving.

Post # 12
Member
4323 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Eckle:  +1 Definitely talk to your FI about the lack of alone time/private time. Is there any possibility of you two moving out on your own?

Post # 14
Member
4956 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Just from your post, it sounds like you’re having anxiety due to the planning, but not so much because of any issues in the relationship. Take a breath. It’s ok to be nervous. Can you scale back your wedding plans to make it less stressful?

Post # 16
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@ConfusedBrideToBe:  I think you sound pretty normal, honestly. I can understand what you’re saying and totally understand re: the OCD.

I think that you’re scared because it is a big change/commitment… that is normal.

It’s also normal to get into a routine and not feel butterflies all the time.

Try to do something to spice things up.. try something new… go for a weekend away etc.

Just sounds like cold feet to me.

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