Post # 1
I feel kind of silly being upset by this but I just can’t help it! Two weeks ago I was a bridesmaid in a friends wedding, this is a girl I have known forever but just recently reconnected with. She asked me to be in her wedding later than the other girls (not a big deal) and I thought I stepped up and helped her out when other BMs were not. I helped plan the bachelorette party when all but two other girls cancelled, helped make wedding programs, etc.
So at the rehearsal dinner she gives all of the BMs their gifts…well all of the other 6 BMs were given cute coach wristlets and I was given a leather wristlet from express. I don’t know, like I said I feel silly that it upset me but I just didn’t understand why my gift was different.
Also since her wedding she has been very anti-wedding, telling me “don’t get married” and other similar sentiments. It’s just kind of bringing me down! I am happy to reconnect with an old friend but I guess I just needed to vent a little. Any thoughts on how to deal? Thanks bees, these boards are awesome!
Post # 3
I’d be bothered… that is so weird that you got a different gift with no explanation. Do you say anything in response when she tells you “don’t get married?”
Post # 4
Well, for the wristlet thing I can tell you that she probably had them for her BMs ages ago, and then when you were added she couldn’t get another one and tried to get you a suitable replacement. I’d say if she’s bringing you down that much, change the subject to something more upbeat or simply ask her “I’m thrilled to get married…why do you feel this way?” She’ll get the message, or she’ll open up to you. Either way, you’ll get somewhere.
Post # 5
Maybe since she asked you later, she had already gotten the other girls’ wristlets and when she tried to find one for you, they were sold out? I’m not sure but I wouldn’t think it was any true reflection on you, as in “You were my least favorite so you get a cheaper wristlet.” I’m sure there’s a good explanation, but it would also have been awkward for her to come right out and say WHY you got a different wristlet.
Post # 6
euw. she must have gotten the coach wristlets before she decided to have you in the wedding, but i’d be bothered as well. however, sounds like she’s having her own marital issues already….jeez. i don’t think i’d do anything in this situation except be quietly peeved (and voice it here, of course lol)
Post # 7
@EleanorRigby: It was right in front of my FI so I just kind of laughed and said “married life must be great.” I guess humor is my go to for awkward situations.
Post # 8
That is really odd that she gave you a different gift. I’d be bothered by that as well.
Maybe when she says things like “don’t get married,” instead of focusing on what she sees as negative ask her what she really loves about being married. Maybe that will spark a more positive conversation.
Post # 9
It’s possible she purchased the coach wristlets earlier (meaning before she asked you to be a bridesmaid) and decided to get you a different one. I don’t think the cost would be a whole lot different. You can get inexpensive wristlets at the coach outlet, plus sometimes they have an additional percentage off.
But, yeah, I see where you are coming from I would feel a little odd about it as well.
Personally, I would prefer the leather wristlet from Express….
Post # 10
In response to the gift, you did say that you were asked to be a part of the wedding much later. maybe she had already purchased the other maids’ gifts, and couldn’t find the exact same item for you? I’m not saying it wouldn’t bother me, I’d be a little wierded out, I’m just thinking of a logical explanation.
As far as the comments she is making, have you asked her why she keeps saying these things?
Post # 11
I would feel the same way as you are, I think. But she may have had her own reasons for the difference in gifts. I know it makes you feel kind of unappreciated, but its possible she had bought the other gifts previously and either didn’t have the money when she bought yours or genuinely thought you might like it better?
Best to just let that go if you can. As far as her negative comments, maybe she is having a hard time in her own marriage and is feeling bitter. Try seeing if she will talk to you about what’s actually bothering her and if not, tell her that you are there for her, but you find her comments kind of harsh when you are currently planning for your own wedding and tell her you would appreciate if she would support you as you supported her and stop saying those kind of things to you.
Post # 12
Yeah…..that is super “unfriendly” behavior if you ask me. I’d totally be upset too! Not cool to make you feel excluded like that by getting you something different. That is just weird to do. At this point, I would just start distancing yourself from her. It doesnt sound like reconnecting with her is all that worth it. Her negative comments are not cool and maybe you should tell her that the next time she says something like that. Toxic friends are not a good thing. Sorry you have to deal with that. Good luck, girlie!!
Post # 13
Thanks for the input ladies. I think you are all probably right that she purchased the other gifts earlier, but I still can’t help but feel a bit odd about it. Not that I would ever say/do anything, as that wouldn’t do anything to help. I feel much better after just hearing some other opinions. As for the negative comments I will def try to turn it around next time, I guess I should have mentioned it is extra awkward because she not only says these things to me, but to my FI as well! not cool!!