- 6 years ago
- Wedding: March 2013
I’m not sure if I’m just over reacting or trying to think too much.
I’m engaged to my FI and getting married this year. FI has a brother (older) and he got married last year. My FI and I were living in another country for 2 years so I only started hang out with his family about 2 years and English is not my first language.
At first when I got here, it was just awkward as you all kinda know when you meet someone for the first time and I was having hard time to understand what they are saying because they are just speaking so fast and little bit of language barrier.
Everything was good and I had no problem hangout with them until FI’s brother said he’s going to get married to his gf who he has been with for almost 4 years I think. I don’t actually hang out or keep in touch with her in person. Didn’t like her but didn’t hate her so just hanging around if we can.
My FI’s brother and his wife (now they are married) are very nice in the surface and they will just say things to make them look good to other people but never really do anything. Example, when we first got in here, they said they gotta invite us for dinner and hang out with us and all that exciting and people are just saying they are so nice whatever, then we never hear from them (my FI and his brother doesn’t have the greatest relationship from the beginning anyways). And one day we were around their area and thought we would give a call to see how they are doing, they didn’t answer the phone so my FI left a message for them.
We thought they would give us a call or something, and we never heard from them.
But they will keep saying we gotta get together at the family get together or something, then they don’t do anything or at least when we try to make an effort to kinda get to know them and stuff we never hear from them. So okay whatever.
They got engaged on the Christmas day, it was my first Christmas here in the country so I thought people might kinda think it exciting, then they got all the attention. That’s fine, they are engaged and it’s a big deal! But we spend like 2 days in a row to spend the Christmas day with them and realized how annoying they can be, they just never shut up about the engagement and how they are a big deal. The wife will say how pretty she is and how everyone says she looks so young and stuff. Who does that? Maybe as a joke but she sounds so serious and ask people to agree with that. And she’s just trying so hard to be a center of the attention all the time and it works I guess to other family members. And once she got engaged, she’s keep asking me when my FI will proposed me saying you guys been together for a while too, well you did too and remember you just got engaged.
So since they got engaged all the family get together, I needed to put up with all the stuff about only her wedding.. Nobody’s asking any questions to me about anything and nobody seems care about me anymore. Then i saw this facebook my future in-laws page including everybody as a family, but me. I thought i was part of the family, that’s what they told me and I gave up everything and moved to another country for my FI, we bought a house together and we live together.
I got hurt, thought I’m not part of the family unless I actually get married.I tried to understand it’s all different what people think about relationship and stuff.
Then they got married last summer… And I got engaged following winter.
I thought everyone will be happy for me, maybe I can get some attention like the future sister in law did, (I don’t really like to be a center in the attention) but not really… I was sad. But My FI loves me he’s awesome to me, so it was fine.
Then this sister in law started this thing again, now she’s the expert of the wedding.. (Well she loves talking and saying how smart and pretty and young looking she is all the time and she thinks she knows everything) and gives me those lectures of what to do and at the same time she’s trying to make herself look good too. She told me that I can borrow her veil for my wedding, and saying how she spent $250 for her veil and it’s really expensive one. I thought she was being so nice, I told her thanks but I don’t know yet because I haven’t picked my dress at the time and maybe that EXPENSIVE veil won’t look nice with my dress.
Then I got this dress and asked her maybe I can try them, since I picked a sample dress I had my dress with me. She said she will come to one of this party that we are going together and she will bring, then she just didn’t show up without saying anything. And never heard from her at all.
And she kept bugging me to bring her to my dress hunting, even though she never included me to any of her wedding planning at all. So I told her i have friends to go with just kinda saying no in a not hurtingful way I guess, I thought she would understand but obviously not because she asked me another couple of times later on.
Now I’m happily planning my wedding without any of FI’s family getting excited a couple of weeks ago, the future SIL got pregnant and all the attention went back to her again. Nobody even thinks that I’m getting married and I’m just whatever.
I want FI’s family loves me too and I tried so hard to be nice and did as much as I can. When we used to live with FI’s mom I prepared dinner everytime and asked his mom to join us because I wanted to and I thought that’s what you do as a family. I didn’t want her to skip the meal because she didn’t eat properly because she was alone. It seems like she didn’t really appreciate. I don’t know.
It seems like they like her no matter what, and I can’t never be treated like she gets. Once she got pregnant, she sent me this long message on facebook saying how happy she is and how getting pregnant is so much better than getting married. When she was getting married it was all about wedding, how exciting it is now she’s pregnant, obviously pregnant is better than wedding? I don’t really want to get pregnant so she doesn’t have to show up to me, I just want to look good for my wedding. I told her that and I might try to have babies right after the wedding (I’m kinda old too) then she was saying no you don’t want to. you want to enjoy your newly marriage and stuff. But she got pregnant only 4 months after her wedding and what I can think about is she just doesn’t want me to get pregnant so she can be the only one who gets pregnant in the family and get all the attention. She doesn’t have right to tell me when to get pregnant, my FI and I have been together over 4 years and we lived together more than 2 years togehter, so whenver i’m ready I will get pregnant.
I’m sorry this is getting too long, but it makes me feel better I guess.
I know I’m sensitive when it comes to family, and SIL, but she makes me angry… uhh… Should I just ignore what she says? She’s acting like a princess and she wants people to treat her like a princess, she needs to do whatever she needs to do and it seems like other family members try to be nice to her because she will be mean to you if they don’t… The other day she told me that I’m crazy, all of sudden, I don’t know what I did, maybe I did something but you don’t call people crazy with no reason. I asked her why she said, she couldn’t say anything just no reason… And on the other hand, they just do whatever they want to do to me because I don’t really saying anything bad or complain. Now I think I need to change my attitude little bit and let people know how I feel?
Thanks for reading, maybe I’m the one who has the problem…