Post # 1
My FI’s best man broke off his year long engagement 2 months before his wedding and not only that he dropped a bombshell on everyone including his fiancee that he was seeing someone else. I am very good friends with his ex-fiance (I asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, she graciously declined b/c she said she couldn’t handle it) which I think adds to my feelings but I just CANNOT stand my FI’s best man anymore! He’s one of those people who I see now and just feel disgust, terrible I know but I can’t help it! Well whether I like him or not he’s going to be the best man (YUCK!). I know I need to just put my big girl panties on and deal with it but I have tried and I just cannot seem to find them!!! I guess this was more of a rant than anything but any advice on how to deal would be great!
Post # 3
that’s rough! on the plus side, you won’t be spending much time with him.. wedding party activities tend to be separated. And on the wedding day, you won’t really have time to think about him. I feel sorry for your pal! Is she coming to the wedding?
Post # 4
How can your Fiance be best friends with someone who cheated on his fiancee? I know it’s not up to you who the best man is, but what does your FI’s choice say about him as a person? If my FI’s best man did something like this and Fiance didn’t care, I would have some serious doubts about our relationship. Maybe people will have different opinions, but I don’t think this is something you should have to just deal with.
Post # 5
No offense to Girlwitharing, but personally I think tis a little farfetch to start doubting your own relationship just because your Fiance is friends with someone who did things in his past you don’t agree with. I by no means say that I think cheating is okay and it wouldn’t be something my friends would get away with easily — and I definitely can understand where the OP comes from, I TOO would be upset if this was my Fiance best man. It is however up to Fiance how he deals with his friendships and we as outsiders (not counting OP) don’t even know what they have discussed or what not. I think suggesting that the OP should doubt her OWN relationship is way out of league..
I don’t really have any suggestions as how to handle such a situation but June42011 I guess the best you could do is bring this up with your Fiance and explain your feelings about this. Good luck and I hope things work out for you!
Post # 6
I think you have no choice but to deal with it. People seperate for various reasons, I am not saying that the best man was right in seeing another woman but arent you happy that he did not get maried and then divorced and hurt your friend even more. I understand your frustration and I too would be very disturbed. I think you should suck it up and keep it in the back of your mind that he is ‘that guy’ and I would keep my husband to be away from him. Once you get married the relationship between the best man and your husband will change.
Good luck & forget about this this is your special day
Post # 7
@mrs-to-be: Just to clarify, I didn’t say that OP should start doubting her relationship …I don’t know any of the people involved, so that’s not up to any of us to say. What I said was that I personally would doubt MY relationship if I were in the situation because for me it is important to be with someone who doesn’t condone cheating.
I know not everyone feels the same, because cheating is one of those issues where each couple finds their own comfort level (hence, some people forgive after being cheated on, and others don’t). So if someone’s comfortable with having friends who cheat, that’s fine. But the OP clearly isn’t comfortable with the situation, which is why I think she should be able to discuss her concerns with her Fiance even though it is up to him to deal with his friend’s behavior.
I generally think that people who are about to get married should be able to talk to each other about anything, so I’m not sure why there is a need to “just deal with it” rather than talking to Fiance.
Post # 8
Just to clarify, my fiance wasn’t happy about the cheating but they have been friends forever and I never expected him to just stop being friends with him.
@soconya, yes I am very glad she didn’t marry the toolbag but the way he ended things and how he handled the situation was uncalled for, he could have done it another way. He started seeing this girl a month after they got engaged, he should have ended it then. I also agree that I just have to suck it up, but it still bothers me!
@melissabegins, not sure if she is coming, she knows I want her there but I told her I understood if she couldn’t do it. We will see…
Post # 9
At the very least, make him sit up front with the limo driver, so you don’t have to look at him 😛 (JJ)
What a jerk!
Post # 10
That’s horrific. I’m so sorry. I’d never want to look at him again.
Post # 11
Just because you are friends with someone who cheats doesnt mean you will cheat or will act like that other person. I have friends that cheat and I’ve never in my life cheated on any guy in my life because I have my own beliefs and I stick to it no matter what. I’ve always been a faithful and honest person so you shouldnt worry as long you know who your husband is then you have nothing to worry about and who he has in his life and in your wedding