Post # 1
I don’t love my engagement ring, and I’m not quite sure what to do. I wasn’t even sure that I wanted an engagement ring in the first place. I’m not wild about the symbolism of the gift or the ethics of the diamond industry. I also felt like the wedding band would be more emotionally significant for me than the engagement ring. More than that, I’m just very picky, and most of the rings that I liked were outside our price range right now. I was thinking that I’d rather wait for a piece of jewelry that I really love later, but he’s quite traditional about these kinds of things. He ended up getting a replica of my favorite vintage ring that we’d seen custom made with a smaller stone, which is so sweet and thoughtful and wonderful and emblematic of exactly why I’m so excited to marry him.
The problem is that the jeweler he went to didn’t do a very good job replicating the delicateness of the vintage styles and it ended up looking kind of chunky and not much like the original ring. I know he’s not totally happy with the final results either, but we don’t have the money for a new setting because he’s in law school and we’re saving for a house and watching every penny right now. Again, this is the sweetest and most thoughtful thing that anyone has ever done for me, and I am so appreciative of him for the effort he put in to this, but I don’t really want to wear the ring every day for the rest of my life.
I guess what I really want to do is to sell the engagement ring and put the money towards a beautiful eternity band, which I would be completely happy with, but that feels really ungrateful. There are cheaper eternity bands I could get and just not wear the engagement ring but I also feel guilty about having an engagement ring sitting on the shelf at home when money is so tight right now. What do you guys think? Should I bring up selling the engagement ring to get a nice eternity band? Or get a more affordable band and just not wear the engagement ring much once we’re married?
Post # 3
Sorry to hear that….do you have a pic?
Post # 4
Diamonds don’t have much of a resale value, you’d be suprised as to how little you’d get for your engagement ring unless your jeweler has a trade in policy. Can you ask them to rework it a little so it’s more delicate?
I’d suggest you talk to your Fiance about this; if he’s traditional as you say he is, he might not want you to sell the ring he had custom made for you. I know my feelings would be extremly hurt if I bought someone a ring and they just wanted to sell it and get something else. Especially if it was the ring that I had made and proposed with.
If it were me, I’d just try to learn to love it, and if you really can’t, just wear your wedding band after your wedding for everyday and just wear the engagement ring on special occasions.
Post # 5
@Mrs.Mexicali: Can we see a pic? I can understand where you’re coming from, but you might be its worst critic.
Post # 6
I think selling the engagement ring is a bad idea. There is alot of sentimental value attached to it. Fi may say he doesnt care, but I think its going to bother him on some level. I would keep the engagement ring. Once your married, put the engagement ring up and only wear the wedding band.
I just saw a post similar to this on a different website. The girl took her engagement ring back because it wasnt what she wanted and fi said it was ok. After she did it, fi became angry and resentful. It turned out he did mind. He just didnt realize how much he minded until after it was done. It created alot of tension between her and him.
Post # 7
I’ll post a pic tonight, and I’m sure I am it’s worst critic. It’s a perfectly fine ring, it’s just not one that I love. I definitely don’t want to create tension over something as silly as jewelry, but do you guys think it’s rude to not wear such an expensive gift? It seems wasteful to me.
Post # 8
Maybe you can get it fixed by a better jeweler. I think you’d break his heart if you wanted to get rid of it.
Post # 9
When I first got my ring back from the jeweler (she replicated the Tiffany Classic style for us), the prongs were quite large and chunky, and all the details were quite a bit sharper than the actual style I showed her. Since it was custom this was to be expected (each jeweler has their own way of finishing a style), but she was totally open to me telling her what I wanted altered – and now my ring is *much* closer to what I had shown her. (I actually also had the second jeweler who made my wedding band go at it as well – his stuff was more along the lines of what I wanted so I trusted his aesthetic.)
Perhaps you can bring your ring back to the jeweler and have a few adjustments made? Be prepared for it to not be exactly what you asked for, but perhaps the jewler can shave down/rework some elements to create that “delicate” appearance you’re hoping for? (Or maybe even bring it to a second jeweler whose jewellery looks more like what you want, like I eventually did for mine?)
Post # 10
I second PP that say to take it to another jeweler to see if it can be “fixed”. Some jewelers simply are better at custom pieces compared to others. My Darling Husband replicated a ring-hand ring from one of the high-end name brand jewelers and it literally looks exactly like what the original looks like (but with higher quality/bigger diamonds because it’s not the brand name price tag) with the same delicate, intricate setting.
I wouldn’t resell your ring since it are unlikely to get back what he paid. IMO it’s also okay to have pieces that are pricey but not worn because of the sentimental value. We received a lot of heirloom pieces for our wedding and they’re totally 100% not my taste, but it’s not like we would sell them and get our money’s worth.
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
Only you know how your fiance will feel about it. I did the same thing actually… picked out a small ring thinking it would be a placeholder until we have more disposable income. Not the case in my fiance’s eyes 😉 While I don’t love love love my ring, I do like it, and it is very nice. It would break my fiance’s heart and probably cause resentment if I asked for something different, so I have just accepted that I have a wonderful fiance and I do not need some “dream ring.”
Post # 12
@Mrs.Mexicali: first want to say that your Fiance is so sweet and i’m sorry the jeweler did a poor job!
I think that if he went somewhere and wasn’t fully satisfied with the ultimate outcome of the ring, there should be a way to get the jeweler to fix it or take it back.
On another note, my friend got married 2 years ago and stopped wearing her e-ring for her wedding band. Perhaps you should just wait it out since the thought behind it was so amazingly sentimental and sweet and once you get married, get the eternity band you want and put the e-ring away until you two can afford something better?
Or, have you looked into diamond simulants or other stones?
But most importantly, I’d go back to the jeweler and complain until he got it right!
Post # 13
I wouldn’t try selling it. Not only because of the sentimental value, but because you really wouldn’t get much for it – not anywhere close to what your Fiance paid. I’m saying this from experience, having tried to sell the ring from my previous engagement that didn’t work out.
Does the jeweler have a satisfaction guarantee or a return policy? It seems to me like there should be some action you can take there if they really did a poor job on it.
Hope everything works out for you!