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What a strong woman. I don't think I could have been so calm, or stayed with him. My heart would have been broken and stayed broken.
I still think he's a dbag, personally. :p
yeah I wouldn't have been able to do that either. I'm too emotional. I would've just curled up in a ball and not gotten up.
And even if I could've done that....he'd be making up for it for a VERY long time. And it would not be easy on him...at all.
that was a great article. i share her philosophy on taking responsibility for your life and about happiness starting from within. i know where she is coming from as i have taken extensive classes/read a plethora of books, etc. to seek the knowledge she speaks of. i am not middle-aged, but i am so glad i have that knowledge and wish i had it from an even younger age. i think there would be a lot more peace and happiness in this world if we each took responsibility for our own lives and let go of our egos. i wish they would incoporate this knowledge into schools. while it's very important to learn about science, math, history and english......what good is that knowledge if you can't even handle life? history has shown us time and again how very talented, intelligent, rich, beautiful people give up on life because they just don't know how to handle their emotions and internal problems. *steps of my soapbox*
Sounds like propaganda for some kinds of cause or belief system rather than a real story.
i'm not going to judge whether it's real or not...i'm sure someone would call her on it. if the belief system she is advocating is "taking responsibility for your life," then i don't see that as a problem. it's too easy to blame things/people for everything that goes wrong in our lives. sure, life's not fair, but that's the way it is. people focus too much energy on problems, rather than solutions. now, that's a problem.
Honestly, under the circumstances, I don't see her approach as unreasonable. However, the "circumstances" were:
The fact is that most couples have at least one point in their relationship in which they seriously question whether they want to be in the marriage. Having what amounted to a six-month separation would be less destructive for the kids than breaking up permanently. And those kids presumably learned that adults can go through a really bad time, and still end up with a strong relationship.
Yeah I'm going with Ladybug here.
If I had to choose just one song that would sum me up it would be "Independently Happy" by Blue October.
You can't rely on your happiness coming frome other things or other people. It took me a long time to learn that and I'm not perfect at it yet but it's a motto of mine, to find you're own happiness.
I can't stand when people can't take responsibility for their lives. It feels like more and more people are starting to blame anything they can besides taking a look at what they could've done better. It's "the man" or it's "racism" or it's "dad didn't play ball with me" or it's "my wife isn't 20 anymore". And I know there are genuine cases out there where it was racism, or it was an abusive parent, or it was a marriage without love. But the majority of the time people just want to put the blame somewhere else.
I feel I have a right to say this since I haven't seen my alcoholic dad since I was ten years old. My step dad was verbally abusive to my mother, cheated on her, left us multiple times. I was raised paycheck to paycheck. And when I was younger I suffered major depression, hurt myself, tried once to end it and went to ICU for a couple days then a depression rehab facility for 9 days. And self esteem issues from the fact that my dad didn't want me and me and my mom didn't get along. But I grew up and realized hey...if you go around depending on other things or other people for happiness then you'll never be truly happy.
That's what that guy had to figure out. Even if the story is made up...it's still a lesson. He wanted to blame it on the wife, so he had to do some growing up and realize he couldn't put all his happiness in working. He had to find happiness in himself.
I'm usually not this preachy...maybe it was church this morning that brought it out :) :)
Marriage is for better or for worse, and she was strong enough in their relationship to stick it out for the latter. I hope I have that kind of strength for the rough patches in my marriage.
Wow, that must've been so hard for her. I don't know if I would have dealt with it as well as her. I agree with Stacy Marie though, marriage is for better or for worse... I just can't imagine what I'd do in that situation. :/
To me this is a normal situation. Most relationships are questioned and although not to this extreme, from what we can tell the three no's to a relationship: Alcoholism, abuse & adultery were not involved. I have been told by many psychologists and counselors that a marriage is worth saving, fighting for, dealing with until one of those three happen.
I think this woman is a smart woman and I do not doubt for a minute that it could be true. This isn't a fairy tale - it’s the real world and sometimes people need support in their own way. Who knows him better than the woman who has spent more than half of her life with him?
I think that's a really amazing story. I love the way the wife acted, and the fact that the husband, even though he withdrew and acted immature, he never just left. My husband has a good friend whose wife left him just before their 10th anniversary... just up and moved three hours away with their two sons that he just dotes on. And she refuses to reconcile, even though there's no (as far as I can tell) questions of abuse, adultery, or addiction. Just another case of "I don't love you anymore." I feel like so many people will throw out that line in some sort of desperate attempt to find their own happiness, but don't realize that they are seriously damaging the happiness of their spouse, their children, etc. Even in amicable divorces when both parties agree they're better off without the other, there's still an immense amount of emotional pain to deal with. I wish more people would take this attitude, would stick through rough times and not make decisions so rashly.
(disclaimer -- my comments are based on my personal experiences and reading this article; please don't come after me with "Well, in my former marriage/my parent's marriage/my friend's marriage" since I'm not commenting on those experiences)
Wow. Being an encore - that's really interesting to me. I was married for 8 years - and my "husband" was mentally checked out for probably 6 of those - at least. Essentially, I just went on about my life, though i can't say i never begged or pleaded or faught - I def couldn't ignore it and just let him be. ... I was raising 2 toddlers - alone. In the end it was me who put my foot down and said either be with us or get out. He choose out and a month later wanted back in, but I was done. Now, watching his bride of 6 months struggle with similar and more intense issues, i realize I did what was right - he wasn't willing to work on things.
I think it's amazing that this couple worked through it. We'd def have a better divorce rate if people put this much work into their relationships before giving up. More power to them, though don't think this would be right for every couple.
This was great! Thanks for posting- it is interesting to read about someone who could stay calm in this situation.
How great that she was able to stick it out. Obvoiusly he was unhappy and he thought that by getting rid of the people in his life he'd have an out and be okay again. Not necessarily the case, but that's how people get when they get depressed and hit rock bottom.Often, "i don't love you anymore" is just a cop out phrase.
I think it's great that she was able to work it out but with a reasonable time line. He had 6 months to get his life together. I mean, how long can you let your kids watch their dad go downhill further and further? Months turn into years and next thing you know, your kids don't know their father anymore. Sometimes I can only imagine that that becomes more painful. I don't know what I'd do in the situation, but I can imaigne that there'd be a time frame for me, too, in which I could only put myself and my kids through that before it got to be too much. Thankfully we both believe in therapy if one of us gets that depressed and can't keep their own life together. It's when people are oppposed to therapy that I get nervous. Everybody needs some help sometimes and it's ok to admit it.
Wow, this woman is strong. I think my emotions would have gotten the best of me and I would have told him to leave and never come back.
I love how everyone got different things from the story.
From being strong, to putting up a timeline instead of making everyone miserable for years or just giving up right away, to working for your marriage, to finding happiness within you, to not making rash decisions or taking the easy way out.
That shows that the story was good because it relates to people on all different levels.
I'm glad so many liked it and found something to take from it.
I feel like I can identify with this - sometimes you need to let go a little bit, so that someone can make the decision for themselves. I think it takes great strength to know that you can't control anyone but yourself and be alright with it.
My brother-in-law was talking to a couple who had been married for 50+ years. He asked them how they did it. The response: "We never fell out of love with each other at the same time."
All relationships go through ups and downs and sometimes one person needs to carry the weight for awhile. This is a more intense example of it, but I think it holds true. Thanks for posting this article! I found it very interesting.
I posted about this the other day! But it got lost in the boards.. I'm glad you posted it. I thought it was a very meaningful story... marriage (as well as any relationship) is hard work!
I think what she did was brave, but I think her husband is a bad person for putting her through that. He did not act as her partner during that time and for me that would be a MAJOR thing I couldn't get past. I've been married for 6 years and never once through any of the issues and rough patches we've had have I not felt 100% supported by my husband. I think that he used her goodwill and patient nature to act like a spoiled, selfish child.
Can you tell I get worked up about this? :)
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A friend of mine posted this on Facebook...it's interesting.
I hope I'm not posting something that's already been posted.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/02/fashion/02love.html?_r=3&emc=eta1