(Closed) “I don’t love you anymore”

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4382 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!

What a strong woman. I don’t think I could have been so calm, or stayed with him. My heart would have been broken and stayed broken.

I still think he’s a dbag, personally. :p

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

sounds a bit too Disney to me…..

Post # 6
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

that was a great article. i share her philosophy on taking responsibility for your life and about happiness starting from within. i know where she is coming from as i have taken extensive classes/read a plethora of books, etc. to seek the knowledge she speaks of. i am not middle-aged, but i am so glad i have that knowledge and wish i had it from an even younger age. i think there would be a lot more peace and happiness in this world if we each took responsibility for our own lives and let go of our egos. i wish they would incoporate this knowledge into schools. while it’s very important to learn about science, math, history and english……what good is that knowledge if you can’t even handle life? history has shown us time and again how very talented, intelligent, rich, beautiful people give up on life because they just don’t know how to handle their emotions and internal problems. *steps of my soapbox*

Post # 7
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1990

Sounds like propaganda for some kinds of cause or belief system rather than a real story.

Post # 8
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

i’m not going to judge whether it’s real or not…i’m sure someone would call her on it. if the belief system she is advocating is “taking responsibility for your life,” then i don’t see that as a problem. it’s too easy to blame things/people for everything that goes wrong in our lives. sure, life’s not fair, but that’s the way it is. people focus too much energy on problems, rather than solutions. now, that’s a problem.

Post # 9
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Honestly, under the circumstances, I don’t see her approach as unreasonable. However, the “circumstances” were:

  • Her husband had not previously expressed a dissatisfaction with the marriage.
  • He was clearly depressed about other stuff in his life.
  • There had been no dramatic bad conduct. Her husband wasn’t beating her, bringing a mistress home, etc.
  • It was time-limited. If he didn’t get his act together in six months, he was out of there.

The fact is that most couples have at least one point in their relationship in which they seriously question whether they want to be in the marriage. Having what amounted to a six-month separation would be less destructive for the kids than breaking up permanently. And those kids presumably learned that adults can go through a really bad time, and still end up with a strong relationship.

Post # 11
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Marriage is for better or for worse, and she was strong enough in their relationship to stick it out for the latter.  I hope I have that kind of strength for the rough patches in my marriage.

Post # 12
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Wow, that must’ve been so hard for her. I don’t know if I would have dealt with it as well as her. I agree with Stacy Marie though, marriage is for better or for worse… I just can’t imagine what I’d do in that situation. :/

Post # 13
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

To me this is a normal situation. Most relationships are questioned and although not to this extreme, from what we can tell the three no’s to a relationship: Alcoholism, abuse & adultery were not involved.  I have been told by many psychologists and counselors that a marriage is worth saving, fighting for, dealing with until one of those three happen.

I think this woman is a smart woman and I do not doubt for a minute that it could be true.  This isn’t a fairy tale – it’s the real world and sometimes people need support in their own way. Who knows him better than the woman who has spent more than half of her life with him?

Post # 14
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

I think that’s a really amazing story. I love the way the wife acted, and the fact that the husband, even though he withdrew and acted immature, he never just left. My husband has a good friend whose wife left him just before their 10th anniversary… just up and moved three hours away with their two sons that he just dotes on. And she refuses to reconcile, even though there’s no (as far as I can tell) questions of abuse, adultery, or addiction. Just another case of “I don’t love you anymore.” I feel like so many people will throw out that line in some sort of desperate attempt to find their own happiness, but don’t realize that they are seriously damaging the happiness of their spouse, their children, etc. Even in amicable divorces when both parties agree they’re better off without the other, there’s still an immense amount of emotional pain to deal with. I wish more people would take this attitude, would stick through rough times and not make decisions so rashly.

(disclaimer — my comments are based on my personal experiences and reading this article; please don’t come after me with “Well, in my former marriage/my parent’s marriage/my friend’s marriage” since I’m not commenting on those experiences)

Post # 15
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee

Wow.  Being an encore – that’s really interesting to me.  I was married for 8 years – and my “husband” was mentally checked out for probably 6 of those – at least.  Essentially, I just went on about my life, though i can’t say i never begged or pleaded or faught – I def couldn’t ignore it and just let him be. …  I was raising 2 toddlers – alone.  In the end it was me who put my foot down and said either be with us or get out.  He choose out and a month later wanted back in, but I was done.  Now, watching his bride of 6 months struggle with similar and more intense issues, i realize I did what was right – he wasn’t willing to work on things. 

I think it’s amazing that this couple worked through it.  We’d def have a better divorce rate if people put this much work into their relationships before giving up.  More power to them, though  don’t think this would be right for every couple. 

Post # 16
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2010

This was great! Thanks for posting- it is interesting to read about someone who could stay calm in this situation.

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