(Closed) I dont think his family likes me…it was all fake…

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
336 posts
Helper bee

I read the whole thing but have nothing helpful to say… some people are just mean. Luckily they live far away and you don’t have to deal with them too much. 

Post # 4
1473 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’ve read th entire thing which was sort of a headache, maybe you shuld break it up in paragraphs so it’s easier to read?

Anyhow, I think you may be overreacting a bit. I mean, yea she didn’t have to roll her eyes at you or the dog,but you said it yourself that she’s a cat person. I would not take that personally at all. She probably doesn’t really like dogs. Even though she said you could bring him voer, she doesn’t have to love him like you do. And you also said you Future Father-In-Law is very blunt, so when he says that something will go wrong on your wedding day, I don’t think he’s being mean just telling you something will because maybe in his expereince, it does. Also not something to really take personally. I am a very blunt person and I realize that things I say can come off mean but I often don’t mean them that way. Try not to take everything they say and do as a hit against you.

My Future Father-In-Law has a very thick accent as well and it is pretty difficult for my parents to understand him and there is a huge culture gap between my family and his.You IL’s might have just been surprised and that’s all. It can be awkward sometimes, trying to blend two families together and weird moments happen. Again, nothing I would take personally. They don’t have to like your family. Yea, it would be nice but something people just don’t mesh well.

It really does sound as though they like you a lot, and you are just very sensative. That’s not a bad thing,but you need to realize that not everyone is always going to act like you want them to. And your Fiance was probably a tad annoyed because he didn’t see it, and even if he did he probably though nothing of it.

But honestly, I wouldn’t worry about it. Take a deeo breath. Like I said, nothing they said or how they acted seem voerly awful to me so I’d say you’re in good shape! Good luck!

Post # 5
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m sorry your going thru this:( I’m going thru the same thing as well only his family has made it clear they don’t want me with him,it saddens me but hey don’t worry if they don’t like you ,your Fiance chose you and loves you that’s all that matters..be polite when you see them but keep your space..I just lost my Maid/Matron of Honor (FSIL)n best friend due to her never likeing me it hurts but its there lost:) you should really talk to your Fiance n let him know your feelings ..I wish you the best:) if you want to pm me you can since I’m going thru the same thing:)

Post # 6
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Honestly it sounds like they like you. My fils don’t care for me and they make it abusively obvious. It seems something happened with the move that made them very uneasy and they are showing their concern for the future in the wrong way. I assume they wanted you to elope to avoid time with your family, they didn’t beg their son not to marry you. Maybe she just isn’t a dog person and her eye rolls weren’t towards you, she was tolerating the dog because she cares about you. She asked about your Mom because you seemed overemotional and I would have assumed the same. Maybe your ffil was serious about returning your steak if you were unhappy about it. This is of course just how I see it from the outside. I think you should ask about what is bothering them about your family because it really seems like the true issue to me. I think they are dreading future events with them, and that is ok. Some people just don’t mesh well. You and your fiance do and that is what maters.


Post # 7
12881 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Okay, wow, that was hard to read without paragraphs and because it’s so long.

Honestly, I think you’re reading into things way too much.  They seem like they’ve been very welcoming to you and you’re being very sensitive to perceived slights.  (Your Future Mother-In-Law asking if you miss your mother at the holidays really isn’t mean at all, I think it’s actually really caring because she’s acknowldging that it’s hard to be without someone so important to you on the holidays).  They put you in their Christmas card photo, they hosted you for the holidays, they visit you frequently… it really sounds like you’re important to them and misunderstanding their body language. 

If your Fiance didn’t notice any of this and it’s been going on for a while, it’s also a sign that you may be misinterpreting things.  It could just be a different way or communicating/carrying themselves.  My parents are much more uptight and guarded than my Future In-Laws, and it took a little adjusting for everyone to get used to everyone else’s personalities.  But if you brought it up to yoru Fiance and he still doesn’t see it, I think that there just be a miscommunication going on.

Post # 8
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

first… omg what an eyesore. paragraph breaks, please!


second… i read this whole thing… and i didn’t see anything mean that your future in-laws did or said. everything seems like you are a little over sensitive and a bit paranoid. seems like you don’t have the same sense of humor and like his family is used to saying things that you apparently find a little over the line. 



this happens with my family and my fiance alot. he seems to think that my sister and doesn’t like him and that my mom is making fun of him… while my sister doesn’t understand his jokes and thinks he doesn’t like her and my mom isn’t making fun, her medication really messes with her head and she seriously doesn’t realize she just told him the same thing five times. it’s all because they aren’t used to each other…. probably the same thing with you and your future in laws.

Post # 9
4323 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

They may just not be the warm, fuzzy type.  They may still be working on adjusting to having you as a new member of their family. (Yes, it’s been almost 2 years, but they probably didn’t seriously think about it until you got engaged.) I know that we can’t sense the vibes/emotions you’re feeling in each situation, but at face value, I think you’re being a little oversensitive. For instance, how is asking if you miss your mother mean?

Some of the other incidents may just be personality differences. Some people think that you should always send back a meal that you aren’t happy with, some people don’t like dogs, some people don’t think weddings are important.  I know it’s hard to shake an impression that certain people don’t like you, but it might be valuable to go into the next meeting with a clean slate.

Post # 10
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree with others, it sounds like you’re looking for trouble that isn’t there! Every family is so different, maybe their bahavior is normal for them and you’re just reading into it. I really don’t see a clear instance where she was being mean to you. Maybe your Future Father-In-Law just believes that you deserve to have your meal cooked the way you want it. Maybe your Mother-In-Law just likes to take candid photos. I dont’ see how taking a photo of you is mean.

Post # 11
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

You’re being over sensitive(and long winded)

Post # 12
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree with PP, I think you might be over-reacting a bit. My parents call  my dog their grandson, and adore him, but they are total cat people and I can see them get frustrated with him when he’s around for too long…he’s very exhuberant and has a lot of puppy in him, which they just aren’t used to. The fact that she was doting on your cat big time to me, only proves that they just aren’t big dog people, which they don’t have to be as long as they aren’t being mean or abusive, which they weren’t.

If your Fiance doesn’t see anything going on it makes me think this might just be their personalities, and they aren’t acting out of character at all. Sometimes people just have a different way of saying things, or approaching situations. Unfortunately, you don’t get to pick his parents so I think you need to try to let some of this stuff go….the resentment will only build up over time if you don’t, and if he honestly sees nothing wrong then it may cause problems in your relationship.

Post # 13
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Agree with PPs — all families are different, maybe they’re being “normal” but you just don’t know that yet. Give it some time.

Post # 14
14337 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think that’s a lot go to through and think of to actually not like you.  Visiting all the time, helping move, getting you stockings.  Do you feel she generally rude too, or are you just only reading into the rolling of the eyes?

Post # 15
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Okay – this is going to sound a bit harsh but…  honestly,   you are perceiving the fact that your future Mother-In-Law doesn’t like your dog as a slight against you – and you truly think thats reasonable?

Family get annoyed with each other. Thats par for the course with having a family and being in a family.  If they NEVER acted annoyed and were just always being sunshine and happy rainbows around you, thats when I’d be worried somethign was off.  Moving, holidays, these are stressful events that try people’s nerves, thats normal. And her asking about your mother was actually a nice thing – she wanted to hear about your feelings…

People who don’t like you don’t ask about your feelings because they don’t care.

Also, different kinds of families can be off-putting to people who aren’t used to that different family dynamic. Your family might seem odd to his family, and I’m sure vis versa. It takes getting used to. Hell, I absent mindedly mentioned my aunts (a lesbian couple who have been together for 20 years) and one of my FI’s aunts said “ooh.. will they be at the wedding? I don’t think I’ve ever met a gay before!”  

It would have been very easy for me to take that personally, get offended, label his aunt a homophobe and assume they’d hate my family.  But in taking the comment in stride, I pretty quickly found out it was not meant in a hateful way at all – she was simply curious, and its something unfamiliar to her.  My aunts thought it was hysterical, and are looking forward to being “the gays” that she will meet at the wedding.   So think of it that way – we don’t always express our feelings or concerns in the ideal way.  Things can get misinterpreted SO easily, especially with people we don’t know very well.  

So take a deep breath, stop looking for things that aren’t there and getting yourself so upset, and continue to plan your wedding and build a relationship with your Fi and his family. (And for future reference…paragraphs).   You’ll be fine, especially if you de-stress a bit!  🙂

Post # 16
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m not going to say your over reacting because you obviously feel a wall is put up between yous at times. All I can suggest is really having a heart to heart conversation with his parents to get your feelings out and to understand them a bit more. I’d hate for you to get married and have all this in the back of your mind, it could def. cause trouble for you and your husband to be.

If you feel she has such a huge problem with your dog, simply don’t take the dog. Doggy day care or find a helping hand through a friend/family member. Easier said than done but it seems as though that will leave one issue alone.

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