(Closed) I don’t think I can do it anymore.. plan a wedding that is.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mags2233:  At this point do you want to deal with this woma for the rest of your life? Does your Fiance ever stand up for you. Because if no you two need to seek counseling to fix this. I would do what a friend’s sister does to her monster in law: don’t answer her calls. She has her phone set to send her calls to voicemail. She didn’t even invite her to her baby shower.

At this point, new invites for your shower are needed. If she isn’t pay, she isn’t hosting.

Post # 4
1736 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This is a tough one. My advice would be to stock up on a few cases of wine…I find that helps me!

In all seriousness, this is perhaps a time when a calm and rational discussion with your Fiance and Future Mother-In-Law is necessary. Hopefully he is being supportive and intervening when necessary and if he’s not and unwilling to, that’s an issue. Perhaps Future Mother-In-Law is legitimately acting out because she feels left out. I understand that you aren’t including her out of dislike and out of spite as she’s not contributing, but she’s still a woman you are going to have in your life for quite some time. It’s worth trying to get on with her, no? My FI’s parents are not contributing to anything aside from the rehearsal dinner and Future Mother-In-Law can be a … tough cookie … but I am including her as much as she’ll let me even if it’s just an email here and there to tell her what decisions have been made. I will tell you this, she doesn’t always like the end result, but it’s not her wedding and she’ll voice her discontent and then move on when it fails to change my mind. Just stand up for yourself and it will go a long way. And have another glass of wine.

Post # 5
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Wow a Future Mother-In-Law told her FDIL that she’d look like a rag doll in her wedding dress? I have no words. Who speaks to someone like that even if they are blood related? I don’t know what to say except that I am so sorry and remember that you have a man that loves you who will be waiting for you at the end of that aisle to take as his wife and partner through life for the rest of it. 

Post # 6
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

((hugs)) been there…

I was being continually told “this should be the happiest time of your life” but I was freaking miserable! We decided to elope and I am so happy we did. Just a thought…

Post # 7
7653 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Your monster in law is a nut case. Holy. Stop talking wedding with her immediately is my best advice. I think you involve her too much, even if she is the one asking.

By the way, and I think someone asked, but where the heck is Fiance in all this? He needs to sit down and have a stern convo with mama if he is on your side of this. Just from my own experience with FIL’s: don’t get into it if it involves family like that. There is already enough waves created, let Fiance calm the sea if he can. You need his help. If he isn’t willing to help, then it is counseling time because this situation will only get worse, especially if Fiance isn’t on your side.

Good luck, hon. I wouldn’t wish your Mother-In-Law on anyone at this point.

Post # 9
11 posts
  • Wedding: May 2013

OMG, that dress is gorgeous!!

Post # 10
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@mags2233:  First, your dress is beautiful.

Second, you should feel free to vent here freely, and I’m not discounting that.  I’m also not saying that you Future Mother-In-Law isn’t … difficult; or that she has the right to be.  But you are planning to marry her son; and that means she’s going to be in your life.

Wedding planning is stressful and emotional – not just for the couple, also for the parents of the bride and groom.  This stress can emphasis existing insecurities or odd relationships.  Trying to understand why your Future Mother-In-Law is behaving the way she is might help the two of you reach a more peaceful, common ground… even if it’s just a “cease fire” of sorts, I’d imagine that would be preferable!

I agree with PP, she doesn’t have the right to insult you and command that you do certain things. But it sounds as though your temper is a bit heated, if you show Future Mother-In-Law that you are annoyed by her … basic existence? … she probably will keep getting pushier with her opinions and actions.  Either your FH has to put his foot down and lay out ground rules that the two of you can agree to follow for a more pleasant march towards the alter; or YOU can reach out to the woman who raised your future husband and see if you can bridge a gap. 

Either way, a good starting point might be to stop refering to her as a Monster-in-Law.  Unless she’s trying to destroy your relationship or is committing/has committed criminal acts in an attempt to harm either your or your FH, that moniker might be a little harsh.  I know I’d be crushed to think that I was referred to as a monster by family, even if I am occasionally difficult.

Post # 11
1587 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

You absolutely DO NOT look like a rag doll! That comment is ridiculous! She needs to take a step back and even if she doesn’t like you, she needs to face the facts that your marrying her son wether she likes it or not. I think it’s super important that your Fi is 109% supportive… I went through something like this where Fis dad would call me names and it took forever for Fi to stand up for me… Needless to say, we kicked his dad out from living with us and him and I haven’t spoken in a year and a half. He’s coming to our wedding in Mexico and I’m not at all excited about it and to be completely honest, I’m still angry at Fi for letting it go on for so long (obviously my fault for allowing this but I love Fi so so much)… This is why it’s über important that he’s there for you. Just talk to him, there’s obviously A lot that needs to change. Good luck Girly 

Post # 12
368 posts
Helper bee

Sounds like your Fiance needs to step in and have a serious talk with her about how she treats you and your family, because she sounds like she has a personality disorder or something. Other than that, the only suggestion I can think of is that it sounds like she WANTS you to react angrily so that she can hold it over your head in the future, so I’d just try to hold it in and kill her with kindness instead. Maybe you could also give Future Mother-In-Law some kind of job to make her feel like she is being involved in the planning, even if she isn’t contributing any money. 

Post # 13
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wow. Nut case fo’ sho’.

How does your Fiance stand up to her? Does he have your back? Or has she manipulated and verbally abused him all his life?

I agree with the poster who suggested couple’s counseling for dealing with the Mother-In-Law. jeez.

and if your hubby isn’t pulling his weight in the wedding planning then give him a long to do list stat!!

(i also like the suggestion of cases of wine to help you through… Lol!)

I am so sorry that you will be related to this person soon. You must really love your man. (sigh)

Post # 14
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

oh yeah, and GORGEOUS dress!! Rag doll… as if!

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