- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
A bit of background: I’m having a very small and intimate wedding for several reasons. My fiance and I are both fairly introverted, and our gut instinct was to elope. However, to keep our families happy we’ve planned an intimate wedding (40-50 guests). Caveat is, the wedding is in California where most of FI’s relatives are, as my family is considerably smaller. Since we both went to school in Canada, and we’re quite young many of our friends are unable to attend this event.
Since the wedding is so small, I was going to have one Maid of Honour: my older (and only) sister. In the last 2 years, my sister has gotten married and this year she had a baby in January. She seemed fairly excited about my wedding; however, due to the baby she has not attended any of my dress fittings or helped me at all. This was fine, as I didn’t expect her to and my mom has really been there for me.
In the last month or so, she’s become very very negative about the wedding, and whenever I tried to show her something she has demeaned it…mostly in terms of it being cheap. Our budget is about half of what hers was. For example she got very snobby because a friend of mine who is a licensesed esthetician is doing our make up rather than me hiring someone. I was a bit miffed about this, but I just kinda stopped talking to her about wedding stuff and moved on.
This week, my mom offered to pay for the flight and hotel for one of my closest friends, who could not afford the trip out to Cali. I instantly knew why she was doing this. This girl was who my mom had picked as my sister’s replacement. I asked her if my sister decided not come, and she confirmed my suspicion. My sister is saying that her baby does not breast feed well outside of her own home and that a trip to California would be too stressful for her.
I’m not sure how true this is. It’s true the baby refuses to bottle feed, but she seems fine breastfeeding, and recently she’s started eating solids too. I had already offered her to use our honeymoon suite during the wedding as a quiet place to feed the baby. My mom rented a house so that my sister could have a place to cook fresh organic baby food for the little one, and we’ve done everything in our power to be accomodating to her and her husband.
Now she’s not coming. My only sister isn’t coming. I’m imagining years from now that I’ll feel this same sadness each time I look at my wedding pictures, and she’s not going to be there. How do I move past this? How do I have my wedding without a dark cloud hanging above? How do I explain to my future in laws that I’m not important enough for my only sister to be a part of this enormous milestone?
Aside from this sadness, I’m feeling enormous resentment. When she planned her wedding, she was basically a bridezilla. I wore my orange bridesmaids dress and didn’t complain, and I sat at the head table away from my Fiance even though he didn’t really know any of the people he was sitting with. I put up with it because it was her special day. For my own wedding, I gave up having a head table so she could sit comfortably with her husband, I offered her the honeymoon suite as a retreat during the wedding, I tailored the drinks menu to include my brother-in-law’s favorites. I didn’t ask them to help with the decor or anything even though BIL is a professional florist. I spent time thinking about their comfort and happiness. Why does mine not matter for them?
With less than a month to go to the wedding, how do I pick myself up and finish this? Is there any way for me to still enjoy my wedding?