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more by MrsJellybean227

Almost broke up--in kind of a "trial" time

I don't think I can plan this.

posted 2 years ago in Emotional

Member

500 posts

Busy bee

MrsJellybean227 January 1, 2011 TN

I really don't believe I'm getting married. Yea yea I know everybody goes through this, but it's not what I'm talking about. I mean I don't think our wedding is going to happen. Let me start from the begining (sort of). Mr JB & I got engaged Febuary of 2007- that's 3yrs ago. Fiance and I were supposed to wed August 2009 but were talked out of it by my parents, but mostly my mother. I was actually bribed with college. We made the decision together, but we instantly regretted it and fell to pieces and postponed 3or 4months before we were going to say I do. We went through the most difficult time we'd ever been through but after 6/7 months we started feeling like "us" again and were ready to choose a new date. So January 1st here we come... Right? Well maybe. My heart is broken still, I realize, over my weakness to be persuaded with 3yrs of college. Though I do understand my reasoning because I want a college education as bad as I want to marry Mr JB. Plus money is a big issue with me as in we don't have any and I like to hold on to every cent- i hate hate HATE uncertainty. And every plan I've made in the last 3yrs has been shattered. Like going to college, I've been out for almost 3yrs and haven't spent a day in college because I stayed out to help my family care for my grandma. Last year fiance and I were going to buy a house (YAY), right in the middle of it all we learn that his grandparents are in financial hell and can't pay their mortgage, hospital bills, and medicine. . . So that dream gone, and he moved back to his GP's house. And of course there was our wedding. My fiance has promised as well as he can that we'll get married January 1st, but I have to admit I don't believe it and for that reason I haven't done a thing but look at pictures and picked colors. I did at first and started trying to plan, but then he got hurt at work in the first few weeks of January and hasn't been able to work since and workmans comp won't pay. It seems like a bad way to start of the year when you're planning to get married. To be honest I don't talk with anyone about this and it makes me feel like I want to explode so I'm turning to you bees for bits of advice and maybe to rant a little too (lol).

2 years ago

Bee

1,344 posts

Bumble bee

mssocks October 10, 2010

I'm so sorry you're going through this! Life often gets in the way of certain things, but in the end you have to start making plans yourself for what you think is right for you. If getting married right now is very important to you, maybe you don't need all of the fluffs and frills and expensive bits, but if those details ARE important to you, you'll just have to wait to save up a bit more.

Every bride has these decisions they need to make...if I waited another year to save up, we wouldn't have the same financial stress as we do, but we know we can make it work and I know it's the right decision for us to get married this year.

I hope you figure out what's the most important to you...whether it's college or marriage, (or both!) just follow your heart!

2 years ago

Member

26 posts

Newbee

tyelperion April 10, 2010 London, UK

Hi MrsJellybean, your post has confused me a little - I think you're conflating getting married with having a wedding. If you're sure that Mr JB is the man for you and he proposed, there is nothing between you and getting married right now (or as soon as is permitted where you live) - don't despair! It seems crappy right now but you'll get through it, I promise.

Are you really worried you won't have the wedding you want? Because there are tons and tons of ideas and ways to have an amazing wedding even on the tightest of budgets. There are whole blogs out there about having weddings on a shoestring where you could get ideas.

I did have a question - from your post it seems that you feel that getting married isn't compatible with going to college - I've always thought that marriage is something that should make you feel more able to accomplish your life goals, not less. If your relationship is something that isn't compatible with what you want to do with your life, then that sounds like something you might want to think hard about.

2 years ago

2,050 posts

Buzzing bee

Anonymous

Oh my goodness! The things you've gone through sound terrible, and I'm so sorry to hear about them. Such is life I suppose--two years ago I didn't plan on getting married right now, I thought FI and I would be moving to DC and working and whatever for a couple of years... and we're headed for fairly rural Georgia. So yeah, I know what you mean about not accomplishing any of those dreams. In fact, we are sooo broke and we don't know where we're living yet starting in June--so that indecisiveness killed for the first month this year, trying to get "motivated" to plan. One day I just decided that WE ARE GOING TO DO IT COME HELL OR HIGH WATER. Not sure if that will work for you, though.

But you know what? You are engaged, which I'm sure was one of your dreams once. You have a loving partner. Have you considered getting legally wed and then having a "wedding" on your first anniversary for your family?

And you've got some college under your belt, right? Any higher education is better than none, and you'll finish it as long as you put your mind to it. I know it's hard.. I'm in my last semester and it seems like I've been sick like 40% of the time this year, but my professors are understanding and I'm pushing through it. Just getting through one semester felt like running a marathon.

2 years ago

Member

150 posts

Blushing bee

Kimlefaye May 18, 2012 Mission Viejo,CA

Maybe you should look into getting married at a court house? So you don't have to stress over and you don't have to spend too much that way you two could save money while things are a bit tight?

2 years ago