Post # 1
I really don’t think I have any right to be upset, but like I said I am a little. I am having a destination wedding in jamaica with a steel drum band as our entertainment. I told friends about it 9 months in advance and sent out save the dates 7 months in advance. I have a group of friends who will not be attending the wedding, the just can’t afford it. No problem, totally understand!
This morning I get a save the date (e-card) from one of these friends for a party her family is hosting across the country – reggae themed with live steel drums. The party is in 6 months. I am not upset about the party itself. Her family does this thing and I think it is great.
I would however be really upset if my friends, who had 9 months notice of my wedding and are not coming, choose to attend this family party. I know I probably have no right to be upset and so I won’t say anything, but I can honestly say my feelings would really be hurt if that happens. For the argument that jamaica is way more expensive that flying across country for the weekend, it actually would not have been. We offered to cover hotel costs for these particular friends. All they had to cover was airfare and food (and we were feeding them 3 times).
Post # 3
Hmm…I’m not sure how flying domestic is less expensive than flying to Jamaica.
The thing is, weddings are expensive to go to. Flights, cabs to and from hotels, GIFTS, time away from work possibly? Food, drinks, possibly updating passports? You never know.
It was incredibly generous of you to offer to cover the hotel costs for these guests but for their own reasons, they can’t make it.
They haven’t replied yet to your friends party, right? So no need to stress. And if they do say yes, they might be all bunking together or staying at someone’s house.
Don’t let it get to you…not worth the stress.
Post # 4
Wow, you are really generous to offer to cover their hotel costs! I can kind of see both sides. Don’t get too upset, though. Right now, it’s only an “If” situation. No sense in worrying about it until it’s something that’s already happening.
Post # 5
@PinkPinstripes: actually flights to where her family lives compared from here are almost the same cost as to jamaica – about $30 difference. (they are a bit remote) and days off should be about the same for either party (granted ours is furthur away, but it is 3-day weekend) Either trip would cost a decent amount, no question about that. Oh and we have told friends their presence is gift enough 🙂
I have no issue with my friend inviting everyone to this party. I also have no issues with my friends not being able to attend my wedding and I really respect their financial situations. I just think my feelings would be hurt if they did make this other trip, which is just a party vs a good friend’s wedding. I think it might change how I view my friendships.
I know, no need to stress right now, it is an IF situation. I just had to vent somewhere as I know 100% I would never mention this to any of them. 🙂 Thank you for the outlet!
Post # 6
@Coloradolov:Honestly, if I were in your position, I would feel a little sour about it too. It’s only natural.
Just keep thinking of the sunny, happy island 🙂
Post # 7
I know it’s difficult, but I would try not to stress about it until it happens. No use getting upset over something that hasn’t even happened, right?
Post # 8
@Coloradolov: I woudl feel the same way. It’s up to them what they want to do with their money and you definately respect that, but it doesn’t take a way the hurt that IF they go to a party instead of your own wedding when they say they can’t afford to do so.
Post # 9
thanks guys! I just need to get it off my chest so now I can go on with my day and not be thinking about it. Back to work now….
Post # 10
I totally understand how you are feeling right now. I am very happy about my decision to have a destination wedding and would not change a thing. We gave our friends plenty of notice and sent save the dates 11 months in advance . I’ve also sent our wedding website with travel material and other fun emails in the months leading up to now.
Well a month ago, my FI and I get an email from our group of friends about a ski trip that’s been planned for March. I’m like WTF!!!! Now, we’re working professionals, but we are not rich, so we can’t save for and actually take two trips within months of each other. I’m wondering if this ski trip is in lieu of having to spend “more” money to go to Jamaica??? I’m a little disturbed, but I haven’t said anything and probably won’t. You can’t tell anyone what to do with their money. Plus I knew that with having a destination wedding, a lot of people would not be able to come. But to me the ski trip being planned just makes me feel a little sad. Our formal invitations just went out, so we’ll see who all comes to the wedding and who goes on the ski trip. Even if no one shows up, I’m still going to have the time of my life!!!!
Glad you started this thread! I hope you feel better soon.