Post # 1
Alright, even though I received some rather pissy responses to my last post, I will be the bigger person and not be affected by that and continue to post here because i’ve gotten a lot of good advice and help from people on this site. I apologize if for some reason I up set anyone, it’s nothing personal. I just felt like i was being attacked instead of finding support. Anyhow…
I’ve never had an engagement party, and I’m not expecting a bridal shower…I just wont have any of that fun stuff. I didn’t think it would bother me, but now it kinda makes me sad! I feel like I have no friends and that I am missing out on something that should really be a happy time. This whole engagement/wedding planning has just not been what I expected. At times I feel like I am the only person who realizes there’s a wedding happening! I live an hour away from all of my family, and the main people that I expected to always be there for me, are both ignoring me. My parents are splitting up (as I’ve mentioned a few times) and my mom is just being really rude to everyone, she wants nothing to do with my wedding (especially sense I told her she couldn’t bring her boy friend!) And then, my big sister, my role model, is just absent. She’s been the one there to watch my parents marriage fall a part, so I’m not mad at her for straying away from me, but it hurts.
There are a lot of deeper things going on in my life right now that lead me to believe that maybe this wedding isn’t a good idea anymore. I love my Fiance, I don’t want to marry anyone else, I want to be with him…But the level of disrespect I’ve been shown by him in the recent weeks is just chipping away at me. This was a big choice for him, he didn’t ever picture himself getting married. But he asked me, then after I have spent a good deal of money already, he said he didn’t want to get married and that it was nothing personal. We fought about this, (the day I had that bad day at work!) and he said he asked just to shut me up! As much as i love him, I can’t help but wonder if I can handle this attitude my whole life. I have put up with his ass hole tendencies for 3 years and that day I just lost it, I just couldn’t hold it in any longer. I screamed, yelled, cried. I through stuff at him. It was just ugly. I did all this because he called me worthless ( as well as a lot of other personal things we fought about). Then I through my ring in the trash and said “this is worthless. not me.”I told him if he cared about the ring he could dig it out, he said he didn’t care. So I told him to just forget we ever got engaged. we’ve made up sense then, but nothing feels the same. He thinks we are fine, but inside I am deeply hurt and conflicted!
Maybe we have just hit a snag we need to get over, but right now I just don’t want this to be my future. I don’t feel I should have to be treated like this.
Post # 3
i know this is going to come across as a shot at you but we dont know each other/dont take this personally if you disagree but you sound like a bit of a hot mess emotionally so although you have a list of complaints against him, ask yourself am i a bundle of joy to live with?
i say this knowing that im the hot head in my marriage and i sometimes treat my husband in ways i wouldnt treat a co worker, family member or stranger and when i feel myself getting like this i ask myself what is the real problem and why am i reacting this way
you both need to learn to communicate better, you need to learn to deal with anger and frustration and how to fight fairer and hopefully couples counseling will help
please dont think im trying to be mean on purpose but your home is suppose to be your haven and if its turmoil then no one can be happy
Post # 4
May I ask how old you are? I HONESTLY don’t mean to be rude or disrespectful, but some of these arguments and responses seem a bit immature, not as in your mental capacity but as in lacking life experiences. You LEARN not to say harsh things you can’t unsay. You LEARN not to have knee-jerk reactions and explosions. Could it be your learning these lessons in this relationship?
Post # 5
@RAWR.its.BREN: Wow, this is abusive and mean behavior.
Post # 6
I don’t think you should get married.
Post # 7
My honest opinion? Neither of you sound emotionally mature enough to be married.
Post # 8
@Eva Peron: I agree. Until you guys learn to respect each other you have no business commiting the rest of your lives to one another. You’re just asking for trouble.
Post # 10
i don’t know you personally and I don’t know your situation other than what you have told me, but I was in a relationship with a man for 5 years, we were engaged and planning a wedding and I broke it off becuase I realized that I coudln’t handle his actions for the rest of my life. He did things very much like what you are describing, told me he was only with me becuase he had nothing better to do, told me he only asked me becuase his parents made him etc. etc. etc. I didn’t realize it at the time, but that is not love.
My Darling Husband now shows me love, like actual love, every single day. I have faith that you can find someone who will respect you. someone who asks you to marry you becuase they can’t possibly imagine what thier life would be without you. Someone who wants to HELP you plan the wedding an not just avoid it.
I don’t know you, but my advice is to not get married it is a lot cheaper to break off a wedding than it is to get a divorce. and much easier to recover from emotionally.
Post # 11
I already know you’re going to take this the wrong way, so I don’t know why I’m writing it – but maybe if you hear it enough times, it will click.
You come across as very young, and very angry.
Neither of those are conducive to a happy marriage.
Think about the things in life that make you angry, and make an effort to remove them – no matter what they are. Life goes by WAY too fast to spend so much of it yelling, swearing, and throwing things.
Post # 12
It sounds like you both need to take time apart and work on yourselves. A relationship isn’t going to be able to flouish if you both are having your own individual emotional turmoils. Maybe you guys should step back, take a break and think about things. Then you may begin to realize what is important and what isn’t.
I would definitly say you should consider taking a break right now…because it sounds like a mess. I am sorry you’re having such a hard time =(
Post # 13
I’m going to have to agree with @Eva Peron: and the prior posters. I’m very sorry that you’re going through all of this turmoil and disappointment. However, nothing you’ve written indicates that your getting married right now to this man is a good idea.
It sounds as if both of you could benefit from some space and time to grow as individuals before either of you is ready to make a lifetime commitment to someone else. Finding a lifetime partner is not only about meeting the right person but also about BEING the right person. Marriage, even under the very best of circumstances, can be very challenging at times. I don’t think it would be a good idea for you to begin a marriage under these circumstances.
Post # 14
I agree with everyone else…I think you both need to learn to communicate, respect and compromise with one another before getting married.
Post # 15
Every relationship has it’s breaking point. The key is having RESPECT for one another and your relationship so as not to get there. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I think he may definitely be the reason for your anger! Get yourself free!
Post # 16
3 years isn’t a lifetime. If you marry this man you will be right back here 4 months later with a post like someone else just posted titled “is 4 months too early to get a divorce?” GO WITH YOUR GUT.