- 3 years ago
- Wedding: March 2014
I only have two bridesmaids. One is awesome, the other one is being weird lately.
The backstory is BM A has been going through a lot of shit in her life since I’ve started wedding planning and I’ve really been working with her schedule when it comes to anything wedding related. Before I made any plans about anything, I always called them to figure out what days and time would work the best for both of them. When I went to look for my dress, I asked both of them if they’d like to come. They both said yes, we worked out a day and a time, and I made the appointment. When the day came, only BM B showed up. I tried calling BM A, but I couldn’t get in touch with her and didn’t hear from her for almost a month. A few months ago, I asked my BMs to start looking around for dresses. I told them that I didn’t care if they wanted to order from a bridal salon or if they just wanted to find something off the rack. I told them there was no real rush, but I felt they should start trying stuff on to see what they liked. I tried to set up a day for everyone to go together, but again, BM A never showed up and I couldn’t reach her. In September, BM A called me and said she’d found a dress and that she was going to order it. BM A never ordered the dress. When I got in touch with BM A, she said that she just couldn’t afford the dress she originally picked out. I told her it was no big deal, that if she wanted I could help her find something else. I asked her what her budget was and started looking around. I found five different dresses online under her price range and sent the links to her so she could look. She picked one, told me she would order that one, but again, she never did.
After all of that, I asked her if everything was going ok and if something had just put her in a bind. I don’t, and have never, wanted her to feel like she’s obligated to do it if she can’t for whatever reason (finances, life, whatever). When I asked her to be a bridesmaid, I told her that I only expected her to do two things: buy a dress and be there for the wedding. So, after she told me that everything was fine, I asked her if she still was able to be in the wedding. She told me that of course she still wanted to be in the wedding and she was sorry she was so flakey lately.
She’s my friend first and a bridesmaid second, so I’ve been trying to talk to her a lot more about what’s going on in her life. I avoid talking about anything wedding related (I do know that I got a little crazy talking about weddings there for a few weeks, but BM B told me that I was being a little wedding crazy so I don’t talk about it much anymore).
She usually tells me everything, but I feel like she just doesn’t want to tell me that she can’t or doesn’t want to be in the wedding anymore. She knows that I won’t be upset if she says she can’t do it. I’d rather her be there and enjoy herself as a guest than feel pressured into being a bridesmaid.
I’m just not sure what to say or if I should say anything about it again just yet. I just had the “do you still want to be in the wedding” conversation with her last month. I still have four months and that’s plenty of time for her to get a dress if she does still want to be in the wedding.