(Closed) I don’t understand the rush…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I don’t get it, either. I have a friend who actually got mad at me for getting engaged first, and then her family thought I bumped our wedding date up “just to hurt her and beat her in marriage.” Uh, what? I really don’t get it.

Post # 4
Member
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree with you. I don’t understand the rush or race logic what so ever. Your wedding should be about two peoples love and wanting to get married not beat other people to it. And if one of my friends or family gets engaged now and gets married before me I could care less. It has no impact on my wedding whatsoever.

 

EDIT: Wanted to add that I think a lot of people don’t iike “having their thunder stolen”. but I think really, its been said so many times no one cares about your wedding as much as you do!

Post # 5
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think it’s really ridiculous, too. My relationship has no bearing on anyone else’s, and marriage is not about “winning” with your friends/family. It’s about joining lives with your FI, period!

Post # 6
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with PP. During the almost 10 years FI and I have been together, I couldn’t have cared less who got engaged or married first.

Post # 7
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i have very few female friends so i never felt the girly girl competition during my life – maybe its a kickback from highschool?

i have known some brides that pushed for the e-ring and wedding solely for the attention and pretty sparkly things because they seemed to be one of the last in their group getting engaged/married

*shrug shoulders* i dont get it either

Post # 8
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Mr. Tattoo: This is going to sound REALLY stupid, but I swear it happened to me. 3 girls I considered friends all stopped talking to me after FI and I got engaged.

Let me give you some background: All 3 girls were/are dating the buddies of my FI. I enter the picture and become friends with all 3 girls. We have regular girl’s nights and spend weekends away together. Share stories about our relationships and are all genuinely friends. Fast forward 18 months…FI and I get engaged and the 3 girls have dropped off the radar. They don’t invite me to girl’s nights and generally don’t speak to me anymore. 1 of the girls got dumped after dating my FI’s buddy for 3 years. The other 2 have been dating their SOs for significantly longer then FI and myself.

I can’t explain it, but it is truly odd how some women behave when another woman gets engaged/married before them.

Post # 9
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think some women just want to be “first.” Not exactly sure why….childhood? lol.

I have such a friend. She says things like “Your day will be soon enough.” To me. We’re both engaged. She is getting married 8 months before us. Why are you telling me this? I love my wedding date! That’s kind of why I PICKED it.

Also – I think surprise and jealousy get confused. I HAVE been surprised that another couple got married before myself and FI, but I was certainly not jealous of that. If they thought they were ready, more power to them.

Post # 10
Member
584 posts
Busy bee

I think it just depends on the person in question and how insecure he/she is! I have never been worried about beating anyone out…especially since 4 of my friends have gotten engaged in the past 6 months and we will probably be the last couple riding this particular engagement wave Wink

Post # 11
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I understand it to some degree.  If you really want to get married and, for one reason or another, all of your friends are getting married/enagged before you, I think it is human nature to be upset. 

I don’t care about the wedding thing though.  One of my FI’s cousins got engaged after us, and they’re having the wedding two months later.  They were worried that we would be upset, but we’re not.  Neither of us would have cared if they had it before ours either.

Post # 12
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Mr. Tattoo: I jokingly said I wanted to be first when she text me that you proposed 🙂

Post # 13
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think it’s a terribly silly notion, but I’ve seen it IRL as well. I was actually really really worried that my best friend would have an issue with us getting married before she and her husband. They had been engaged longer and had to plan to get married at the end of October (he was on leave in the military it was the only predictable time he’d be home), we got engaged and married within 6 months at the very beginning of October (I was not about to spend a year or longer planning a wedding). We both had different and legitimate reasons to get married when we did, and she wasn’t thrilled at first that I wanted to get married the same fall that she did, but she was gracious about it. She realized that it didn’t really matter when either of us got married as long as it wasn’t the same day! 

I can bet it’s a matter of fear of “one-upping” especially if you have the same friends. The comparison from one wedding to another or maybe it’s about the “real-ness” of one’s relationship. Potentially it’s also a matter of not wanting to be the last one in a LTR without a ring, as if you’re being left out of the club. Of course that’s an immature thing to think, and no one should feel outside pressures to get married, but many women who see everyone getting married around them may want to just jump on that bandwagon before they’re ready. I have a good friend who admits that is what happened to her, she was married and divorced in her 20s, and while still friends with her ex, she knows that it was outside pressure that made her feel like it was the right thing at the time.  

Post # 14
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@dunlapsangel: lol you weren’t joking. lol j/k

And it wasn’t several. It was like 2 cousins and 1 close friend.

Post # 15
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Mr. Tattoo: I don’t think you have to look any further than the cultural stereotypes and ads presented to us every day. Women are told, almost from birth, that being married is a pretty awesome thing for them. 

Think of all the tv shows about housewives. “Desperate Housewives.” “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.” It’s part of the culture.

Sure, what we all do with it is different, but men are NOT given that same expectation. It’s a lot cooler to be a single dude than it is to be that stereotyped cake topper of the man trying to run away from the bride who’s got him by his collar.

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