(Closed) I don’t understand

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Believe me, it’s a trend I’ve noticed too!  In our case, Fiance and I will be footing the entire bill and we’ve made it clear from the beginning that we’ll control the guest list.  My Future Mother-In-Law has stated on a number of ocassions that "it’s tradition" to split the guest list so that they can have 1/3 of the total number.  Fiance just laughs at her and tells her to keep dreaming.

Several months ago, Future Mother-In-Law offered to give $5K towards the wedding but joked that she should be able to invite her friends.  Funny thing is the 5K won’t even cover the bill for the number of people she wants to invite.  My Fiance was insulted that she would try something so sneaky and turned down the money.

We’re not trying to be jerks by not allowing her to invite people.  The point is, we want this to be OUR wedding.  We have been to too many weddings in the past where the bride and groom did not know half the people at the reception.

I can’t figure out why this seems to be a trend.  Any MOB/G out there who can help us understand the other point of view?

Rant/vent over.


Post # 4
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - The Desmond Hotel in Malvern, PA

I feel like our parents want to share exciting moments in their childrens’ lives with friends that they are close to.  Our parents did only invite friends of theirs that actually knew us, but it’s just as important to them to share that milestone with their friends as it is important to the bride and groom to share it with their friends. 

I think there is certainly a point where it gets out of control…. but remember that they’re just excited and proud of their kids, and sometimes they want to share it with the people who are important to them.  If a few of those are friends that don’t personally know the bride and groom, but the parents are footing the bill, I think it’s okay to have a few.

Post # 5
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

My Fiance made a good point.  He said this is a time in our lives to thank the people who have supported us and our families.  Yes there will be people there that our families invite that we only have met maybe once or not at all. But they are important to our families.  I think that you have to keep in mind that this is not only your big day but also your parents big day. 

Post # 6
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

It seems odd to me too and the more I read about it, the more I fear for when it’s time to plan my guest list!  I DO NOT want a bunch of random people showing up just to eat our food and drink our alcohol… 🙂 LOL did that sound selfish…?

Post # 7
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

miss bravo: that does not sound selfish. i know where you’re coming from.

we are splitting our list in 3, so 1/3 ours, 1/3 Future In-Laws, and 1/3 my parents. with that being said, our venue only allows for 200 maximum. we both have huge families, leaving little room for friends of my or his parents we may not have met. my only concern is the single guests.

i can understand if you are married, living together or engaged, but if you are just bringing a date to just bring a date….then, no. my wedding does not need to be the venue for your 1st or 2nd date…….lol. unfortunately, some people don’t understand wedding invitation ettiquette. it’s like, hello, i only put your name on the envelop because i am only inviting you!

whoever is contributing to the wedding should have a fair say on who gets the invites, even if it is your wedding. it may not just be a matter of showing off. some parents feel obligated because so and so invited them to their kids’ weddings.

Post # 8
5758 posts
Bee Keeper

I’ll give this a shot! lol

 Actually,the ‘trend’ is that the bride and groom invite more of their friends than the parents do. It’s always been mostly family (and that means EVERY member… cousins, kids, distant relatives you may have never even heard of let alone met!) Then was Godparents if not related, neighbors, anybody who invited you to their kids’ wedding,and THEN the bride & groom got to have a few friends. Now its exactly the opposite.  We invited 2 couples only to our daughter’s wedding,family from both sides,and the majority of guests were friends of the B & G.

I remember starting my guest list with my Mom and I had no idea how it was done. Until that point I never needed to know, or maybe I just never cared. Who really does until it comes time to plan their own? Imagine my shock when one of the things she said to me was about the gifts we’d get if we just invited our friends. She was right,tho. All the $$ came from family members and our friends gave next to nothing. Say what you want about it being bad manners to even discuss it,but everything involved in planning any size wedding always involves money…and a lot of it.

Post # 9
174 posts
Blushing bee

My view on the guest list is the more the merrier. I want all of our guests including our parents and their friends to have a great time. So through the entire process I have continually encouraged them to invite MORE friends and family even though we may not know them well, or at all. It is as much their celebration as it is ours. We are joining our families and what better way to celebrate than with everyone’s friends?

Post # 10
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Because i haven’t had the opportunity to become best friends with my parents and FI’s parents’ friends…. I shouldn’t invite them? There are many guests I do not know or Fiance doesn’t know but they have loved and supported my parents and family at other times. Why not?

Post # 11
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009 - Ceremony: The Kraine Theatre, Reception: Midtown Loft & Terrace

Luckily, our parents didn’t make a big deal of out this. We really appreciated it. Mr. Star and I wanted to keep the list to under 100, so we really didn’t invite anyone that we didn’t both know, with a couple of exceptions on either side. We’re really excited to be partying with a bunch of people who know and love us both!

Post # 12
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

this was part of the drama and stress that had me very upset in the early planning stages – to the point that it was a factor for us to elope.  i remember saying to my Mother-In-Law (lovely woman btw) shortly after we became engaged that i couldnt afford her family as she told me she needed a min of 100 people (and thats a very cut down list) just for her invite list alone


Post # 13
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

as much as it is our wedding, a large part is for our parents too, so i understand there will be guest I don’t know but the problem i have is that there will be so many

Post # 14
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think it’s awfully presumptuous when the bride and groom are paying for it…as was our case. I was severely disappointed to find out my husband didn’t even know hte last names of some of our "wedding guests".

Too late to do anything about it obviously. He said "at least they got us nice gifts" which is true, but wasn’t really the point I was trying to hammer home.  

Post # 15
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

PARENTS what can you do about them sometimes but just let out a big SIGH? lol

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