- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2015
Things have been really strange between FMIL and I lately and I’m not sure why. FI and I met back in high school, so I’ve known his family about as long as I’ve known him and we’ve always gotten along. Ever since we started dating, she’d refer to me as her daughter in law. I was given a role in their wedding. We’ve never been super buddy, buddy, but we’ve hung out, just the two of us before and I always got the impression that she liked me. I mean, I did ask FI’s parents for their blessing before proposing. I think if they had any issue, they’d have said something then. They just said that even if FI and I weren’t together, that I’d still always be considered family.
Anyways, for Mothers’ Day, I bought her a purple smoke tree sapling. She loves nature and gardening and I thought it was pretty and knew she would like growing a tree as opposed to being given a bouquet or something. I wasn’t going home that weekend, so FI took it to her and said she really loved it and wanted to wait for me to go home so I could plant it with her. She texts me this as well. When I make plans to go home, I let her know that I’ll be available and to just give me a call and we’ll work out a time. I never hear from her before I have to head back to Dallas.
FI said that it was a miscommunication, that she was waiting for me and I was waiting for her. Next time I go home, I’ll call and work out a time. Before this can happen, she gets diagnosed with breast cancer. This makes FI even more anxious for me to spend the time bonding with his mother. I totally understand and am looking forward to hanging out because it’d been a long time since we’d met up.
So, driving home with FI. I call her, no answer. Call again, no answer. After calling (over the course of a 5 hour drive) 3 times, she answers. I give her the driving update and let her know that I’ll be in town until X day, when would she want to plant the tree? She just brushes me off. I don’t know, we’ll work it out, etc. She didn’t seem very interested at all.
FI’s family owns a kiosk at the mall and I was covering the stand one day so that his family could spend a whole day together without worrying about work. She had offered me a couple weeks of work, but I had a promising job interview and didn’t want to compromise it. It was a really slow day, I only manage to make one sale. I felt really bad and offered to let them keep my pay (they spent more money paying me that day than I brought in), but FI said it was fine, not to worry, it happens all the time. I let it go.
I leave today and the tree still hasn’t been planted. I’ve been in town about a week, called, given many opportunities, left my schedule fairly open and nothing. Then, FI calls (he left earlier this week) and says that his grandmother sent him some things and his mom wants me to go over and pick them up before I leave. He said that she was going to leave them outside overnight so I can just grab them from the porch instead of having to knock. He’s pissed at this point because she has my number and instead of contacting me to work out a time for me to pick things up, she has him contact me to get them from the porch. He’s like, I don’t know what’s wrong with her or why she’s acting this way. He says they haven’t said anything to him about me offending them or doing something inappropriate.
Part of me thinks she’s just projecting her negative feelings onto me as her surgery approaches, but the other part is worried that she’s starting to disapprove of me as a DIL. She’s very protective of FI and has made comments in the past when she’s felt I push him into doing things he doesn’t want to do or trying to make him something he’s not (going to midnight mass on Christmas with my family when he’s Wiccan, my neice calling him Tio even though he’s white). FI’s never expressed any discomfort with this and we’ve discussed our difference in religion and cultures at length.
He’s said that she was upset that he was spending so much time with my family. He told her that it’s simply because we ask him to do things with us and he has an open invite to our home whenever, regardless of whether I’m there or not. Meanwhile, I’m rarely invited to spend time with them. We’ve invited his family to dinner before and the entire time, his dad was talking to him and his mom was talking to his sister and we were sitting there putting in our two cents every now and then, but largely being stonewalled.
If I knew what I’d done or what my family had done that’s led to the change in behavior, I would do everything in my power to rectify it. I’ve always felt so blessed to have such loving inlaws who welcomed me so readily. Now, I don’t know. FI’s pissed, I’m upset. I just don’t know what to do.
TL;DR: Friendly FMIL pulls a 180 out of nowhere and has begun snubbing me and my family. Mostly me. FI doesn’t know what’s going on or what caused it.