- 7 years ago
So I’ve been trying to avoid thinking and/or talking about this since the incident yesterday, but I can’t help it!!! I need advice!! So, my boyfriend and I have been together for 7 1/2 years, since I was 14 and he was 18. Yes, I know, crazy! We’ve had our problems, believe me, and we actually used to be the couple that everyone talked about, saying “They break up every other week!” But that was in highschool, and now that we’ve figured out who we are and what we want, we’re great. We haven’t broken up in 2 years and that’s kind of a huge deal. At this point, there’s no doubt in my mind that he’s the one for me, and he says he feels the same way, but isn’t ready to get engaged or married. We’ve talked about it many times, and I’ve just recently come to accept the fact that I’m going to have to wait a couple more years. I mean, it’s logical. I just graduated from college, and I’m going BACK for my second bachelor’s degree starting this january. He is still in the active military and is leaving for Afghanistan in just a few weeks. When he gets home next summer, he still has 2 years left of college. So, I reluctantly agreed that it wasn’t the right time, even though on the inside I’m SCREAMING that I’m ready after almost 8 years of being in love! Also, he keeps telling me that if I keep mentioning getting engaged, he’s never gunna do it because he wants it to be a surprise when it does happen. He even told me “Every time you mention it, add 6 months on to when I’m actually gunna do it.” Anyway, I’m rambling.
So right now, he’s a thousand miles away in mobilization training and has been for 7 weeks. He’s due to come home in 12 days, and he’ll be home for 7 days before he goes to Afghanistan. We talk almost every day and things are really great. I haven’t been worrying about the engagement thing anymore, and I’ve totally stopped mentioning it. And then it happened. Yesterday, when I was going to check my email, I accidentally logged into his, because his information is saved on my computer. Before I even knew what i was looking at, I saw it. An already opened email entitled “Purchase Receipt” from some company I can’t remember the name of that sells “Diamonds, engagement rings….” OMG! I freaked out, and logged out immediately. I tried some deep breating and told myself it was probably just a necklace or something nice to give me when he comes home on leave, which is in 12 days (even though deep down i KNOW it’s not just a necklace…) So i immediately start IMing my friend, freaking out. She tells me to calm down, but she thinks it’s probably a ring. I wish it had stopped there, but when i frantically called my mom, she caved RIGHT AWAY and told me she knew all about it. Now it’s definite! There’s no way I can pretend it’s something it’s not. Don’t get me wrong, I want this more than anything, but I feel so horrible for finding out before he could surprise me. He absolutely loves surprising me, and I know this was a BIG deal to him. I feel so horrible! But I’m mostly a little peeved at my mom for not holding it in. She could have so easily just gone along with it and acted surprised, but no, she had to confirm it the second I mentioned it. Now that I think of it, I actually can’t believe I didn’t realize it sooner. The other day she told me she wanted to get me a pretty claddah ring when she and my dad go to california, so she MADE me get my ring finger sized! That confirms it even more, because I know my boyfriend doesn’t know my ring size. She was soooo in on it!
Sorry if I’m rambling, guys. I just need some advice! I can’t stop thinking about it! Every time I think about it I get sick to my stomach because I feel so bad that I ruined the surprise. Now I have to lie to him and pretend to be surprised. I hate that! I was already anxious enough for him to come home in a couple weeks, and now every second seems like a year! I just want him to come home and get it over with! Any ideas on how to get my mind off this?? I want to erase it from my memory. Maybe if I don’t think about it at all for the next 12 days, I’ll be more surprised when it happens?? I’m gonig nuts!