Post # 1
Basically, my fiance’s childhood community (we live a couple hours away) said they wanted to throw me a shower for my summer wedding. Then, another girl in their area, whom I have never met, got engaged really recently and set their date for within a week of mine. SO these people decided to combine the showers. Problem is I really never wanted a shower from these people. I don’t know them, and it sort of feels like throwing me a shower is a huge burden for them. At least they are acting as though it would be a hassle. Can I just say no thanks? I really don’t want to go, but my fiance wants the gifts. 🙁
Post # 3
I don’t think you should do something you are uncomfortable with just for some gifts. You will get gifts at your actual wedding. I would just politley decline their offer. Plus, how weird is to share your shower with someone you don’t know?
Post # 4
Thank you! Thats really my whole take on the thing, but I didn’t know if I was just being too sensitive!
Post # 5
I wouldn’t do it. The gifts aren’t worth the discomfort you’re obviously experiencing. It sounds like it has potential to be really awkward too. And to combine it with someone you don’t know doesn’t sound like fun at all. I’d tell them that you’re not comfortable with receiving gifts, therefore you are kindly declining. I’d send a card to thank the community for the offer. Just so they don’t feel slighted. I know I wouldn’t be into it at all either.
Post # 6
Yikes, I would decline the “shared” shower. That’s just kinda weird. I would say something like, “Wow, I really appreciate the offer, but I think it’s important the [so and so] gets her time in the spotlight, and I would feel really uncomfortable taking away from her day. Thank you for thinking of me though!”
However, if your own family volunteers to throw you a shower, I would just let them do it. People enjoy hosting an event in someone’s honor. I didn’t really want a shower, either, but my mom and sister were dying to throw me one. They loved planning it, and I gotta say, it was a nice day 🙂
Post # 7
I agree, I think it would be awkward to share a bridal shower with someone you dont know and for the girl that does want the shower, its probably weird for her as well. I think you should politely decline. If you dont want a shower, you dont want one. If your FI wants gifts, tell him to have a man shower 🙂
Post # 8
Tell you fiancee that people will deduct what they spend on the shower from what they’d give for the wedding. Showers aren’t all they are cracked up t be. especially if the poeple throwing it don’t know you.
I do see them wanting to welcome you to the community. May I ask which community you’re speaking about? That would have a bearing on my other suggestions. For example, if it’s church, tell them to do a white cake and punch reception after church and you’ll be there that Sunday to meet everyone. If it’s an ethnic community, I can’t contribute a comment as I don’t know the culture.
Today’s showers are more about ‘welcoming’ than helping a couple to set up kitchens. People now a day are asking for the moon for shower gifts.
Are you planning on inviting these people to the wedding? If not, let them throw the joint shower and be happy they are a welcoming community.
Post # 9
ALthough this might identify me to people who know me, I hate it when people don’t post updates on issues. So what happened was, the other girl could only make it for a shower one certain week/weekend, which just so happened to be my birthday, our engagement anniversary, and a week when I was back in my home state, and leaving for a weeklong trip to Texas. Basically, I got out of sharing it with the stranger because I had so much other more important stuff happening. However, they still wanted to throw a shower (btw, it was a church combined with his hometown for Momma, who asked :)) and I agreed. My mom and grandma also ended up being able to make the trip, and it ended up being an ok experience (I was relieved to have someone I know there!).
Thank you to everyone who offered advice! You made me feel like not such a villain for objecting to the original plan, and I really appreciated it!
Post # 10
I would say that if they are offering to throw you a shower then do it! Somebody is wanting to honor you and your wedding so let them. Plus, I’m with him on the gifts thing. 😉