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I think that you should make it clear how you feel and let them know exactly what you plan to do about the wedding party. That's what I had to do once I chose to only have my sister stand - not fiances sister or cousins etc.
I say stick to your guns. Let your FI break the news that you want to keep the bridal party small.
Then, give the sisters corsages and have them walk down the aisle with/before/after the MOG so that their position as honored members of the family is clear.
I think its important for either you or your FI to let them know they will not be in the actually wedding party.
Is there any other part of the ceremony or wedding day that you might be able to include them in?
Iiiick I don't know. I included my FI's sisters but they're awesome and we get along really well, and I wanted to make a nice little hey-we're-SILs gesture. But if mine were acting like yours are, I dont konw. You know you'll have a TON of drama if they don't get to be BMs, but you'll get just as much if you do choose to include them. If it were me, I'd leave it out and have my FI talk seriously with them about it. "We want to keep the bridal party small, other siblings aren't being included either blah blah." If you're paying for it yourselves, I don't think you need to bend over backwards to satisfy people who are acting like children.
Good luck!
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@ Gabgal
The wedding is still quite a ways off, but we have no plans to do readings, etc. Besides, they would be just as upset. They not only want to be bridesmaids, they EXPECT to be bridesmaids. Anything else just isn't good enough to them.
You definitely need to put your foot down, and say to everyone, "This wedding is about two people...myself and my FH." People need to grasp that concept, and realize that while their opinions are valued, they don't ultimately make the decisions.
You know what budget, size, and style you want your wedding to be. That's been determined, and I wouldn't let others try to change that. This is your day, and you only get to do it once. So do it right, and do it your way. =)
I would just say no next time they ask. Between us, we have 6 sisters, so having every sister be a bridesmaid just wasn't an option. Sure some of them were upset and we heard some snarky comments, but it's our wedding. They don't get to make the choice of whether they are bridesmaids or not. Good luck, and remember to stick to your guns!
Ohhhh starburst -- i am totally annoyed FOR you! The bottom line is, you and your FI want a small bridal party, you aren't even including your OWN siblings and you don't have an overly close relationship with your FSILs. Don't have them in the wedding. You have not ASKED them so they should not ASSUME anything. (You know what they say about people who assume...)
stick to your guns on this one sista! I can tell you have made some sacrifices already and dealt with some guilt trips already too, and are probably having trouble deciding which would be worse on this particular decision. As someone almost done with her engagement, I encourage you to stick to what you want on this one, as this is one of the most personal parts of your wedding.
Could your Fi be a real hero fo you and tell them that it's his idea not to have them? That you wanted to include them as a family thing, but he insisted on sticking to the plans the two of you made about keeping it small. (maybe that he knows them beter than you, and feels they aren't up for it. Are you out of town and need a lot of help?) It would be so much worse for you to take the heat than him. And of course if you don't ask them to be BMs, they'd naturally want to be upset with you.
A lot of times I might say to include them as a nice gesture to nurture the bonds with your new family. But in this case, I'm not sure that would happen. If you don't want them in the wedding, I say stick to your guns. Good luck.
Stick to your guns lady!!!
I did not have my FSIL in our wedding - and I let DH have the final say on the issue. We are not close, she is very immature and I completely understand where you're coming from on this.
It is your wedding and besides, as family, they will already be a part of the day no matter what. None of DH's siblings were in our wedding party - but they were all pictured in our family portraits. It worked out fine. Don't worry...it will all work out. Just be thankful that your FI is on the same page with you about it!
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I have to agree with everyone else - the FSILs sound very unpleasant and you have no obligation to include them in your wedding party. Much as I would like to say you should just make your FI deal with telling them they aren't bridesmaids, these girls are going to be family for the rest of your lives. I think you need to talk to them, and explain your decision, and try to be the bigger person and be as polite to them as possible. Offer to include them/recognize them some way special that day, even if you know they are going to turn you down, and then you can feel okay knowing you did everything you could to make them feel included. If they're still going to act so immature, it's not your problem. Good luck! :)
Well that is certainly a horrible situation that you have been put into. I have to say that you should do what you really want. I didn't want my FSIL in mine and she is anyway and not to mention completely unhelpful. Both my FH and I wish she just wasn't but, it is now to late. Do what you want and make it clear that it is not anything personal you just want to keep it small and that your brothers are also not in it. How can they really argue with that. Good luck hope it all works out well for you!
To play devil's advocate....yes they are being bratty, but their feelings are clearly hurt. I know it's about you and your FI, but it's also about merging your families. So take this into consideration. No matter they'll always be your SIL, do you really want to start that off on the wrong foot? And would it kill you to have them and your brothers in the wedding? Just something to think about.
I say stick to your guns. You don't have to make them bridesmaids, but you need to tell them your decision ASAP. Stop dragging it out, it's only going to make the drama worse when you break the news. Rip off the band-aid!
I do think you should deliver the message gently and sweetly, and with understanding that their feelings will be hurt. And I would offer them another role, even if they choose to decline it. I would say something along the lines of:
"I know you've been expecting to be a bridesmaid, but we are having a small and intimate wedding, and I've decided to only have a MOH. I know that disappoints you, and I understand that you're upset, but that's what I've always envisioned for my wedding and I hope you can respect that. I would, however, be thrilled if you would be part of the wedding party. You would, of course, walk down the aisle as part of the family processional, and you would be great at greeting guests, making sure they have programs and escort cards, and encouraging them to sign the guestbook. Would you consider doing that for me?"
To answer your question: Stick to your guns. I would tell them, instead of "we'll see", that they are not in the bridal party. They might be upset, but they will get over it.
I was going to comment and realized you already had ur wedding. let us know what happeend. i was excited to give u an answer lol!
@flyinpig3: OMG that's too funny. I didn't even check the date.
@JrzyGurl: Their feelings are hurt over an assumption they made *shrug* it's noones fault but their own IMO.
Do NOT drag this out any longer. The longer you wait the worse it will be. Of course the sooner you tell them, the longer they will have to bitch about it *catch 22*. However, as most PP said, stick to your guns! You know what you want, and you should get that. End of.
If I included all females that were family to me and Mr.G I would have about 20+ Bridesmaids. If that rule were applied to him, he would have about 15+ Groomsmen, most being from my side of the family. Hell to the no! We are probably having only 2 attendants on each side (still in negotiations, hehe)
Do not let anyone label you a Bridezilla (I HATE this word) because you know what you want. Stay strong lady!!!
**I just checked and she got married last month...be interesting to hear what happened!**
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I apologize for the length, but I really need to vent.
My FH and I are planning on having a small bridal party - just my best friend and two of his best friends. My FH has two sisters (who will be 22 and 15 at the time of the wedding) that I do not want as bridesmaids. While I have no major issues with either of them, I’m not friends with them either – they are generally very selfish and bratty. I don’t even see them besides holidays and never talk with them on the phone, etc. Even more, we’re not including ANY family in the bridal party – I have two brothers and a half sister.
Problem is, they, and FMIL, assume they will be bridesmaids. Every time it’s been brought up I’ve tried to change the subject or gloss over it saying we haven’t made any definite decisions yet (we’re almost halfway through a 2 1/2 year engagement). Recently FMIL and the younger FSIL were visiting (we are in FL, they and the rest of our families are in MI). During a car ride, with all of us, FMIL asked who would be in the bridal party again. FSIL immediately yelled “me!” After quite a long pause, I said we haven’t decided yet and FH said “we’ll see” to FSIL. She then asked what do you mean and FH repeated, we’ll see. She proceeded to throw her phone down on the floor of the car, wrap her arms across her body and pout the rest of the way home. I had wanted to tell her right then and there no, she was not going to be a bridesmaid, but we were only 10 minutes into a 2 hour car ride and I didn’t feel like arguing the entire drive. While 7 years older, the other FSIL isn’t much better. She has once remarked “I better be a bridesmaid, or else”.
FMIL will also be upset… she’s already upset and angry with us for having a smaller wedding (approx 120) when she has a list of 300 people she wants (yes, THREE HUNDRED) and not getting married in a church (both FH and I are agnostic). Anytime FH or I talk to her, she brings up at least one of the wedding issues and will not let anything go. I hate upsetting my FMIL and FSIL, but this is our wedding, and we are paying for the whole thing ourselves. We want to do things OUR way, not our families way. We have already compromised where and when the wedding will actually take place, I don’t want to compromise this. The bridesmaids should be MY decision. My mother suggested just giving in, because otherwise they’ll be complete brats. Then, I would feel horrible not including at least my brothers (I’m not close to and barely know my half-sister who is much older). Then our bridal party would be 7… instead of the nice small 3 member party we wanted.
I’m torn as what to do… give in or stick my ground?
P.S.: FH is completely fine with not including his sisters, he knows they would only make things more difficult for me. I’ve suggested them standing up on his side to appease his mother, but he doesn’t like this idea. We’ve also already considered asking them to be ushers or do something else, but this wouldn’t help – they would only feel shafted and be just as angry.