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That's a really tough decision! Could you ask her to do a special reading at the ceremony perhaps? It would be including her some but not as much as being a bridesmaid.
I'd pick a reading thats really really special about families joining or something and tell her that is someting you would love for her to read at the wedding. I would NOT let her be a part of it, because if you do, I'm pretty sure you'll be back here in a month or two talking about how horrible she is! (No offense--feel free to vent!) I would hate for you to be in that position, its MUCH worse!
@Eva- I like your idea of including her in the ceremony, but she may feel just too snubbed about not being IN the wedding that she might refuse.
This is a really difficult situation. Seems like you will be opening a can of worms no matter what you choose! With that said, I think you must really do what you think is right for you and your wedding. Darned if you do and darned if you don't. Good luck! If your family knows what your cousin is like (mean natured) then hopefully they will support whatever you choose!
I was in the same situation (you can read my post about it) except mine was a friend....
I had to cut wedding ties and exclude her from my wedding (as a BM) she is no longer taking part of anything wedding-related and will instead be a guest. She is someone who will gossip throughout the whole wedding and tell people allllll the drama behind her bein "kicked out" but I DON'T CARE! I don't have to deal w/ her at all during the wedding planning/ceremony/recepetion except to stop by her table and thank her for coming.
Good Luck! Family members are way trickier but I like Eva's idea...and if she doesn't want to do the reading then she chooses HERSELF not to be a part of the wedding.
I have a similar situation, but with a friend. I sucked it up and warned my Maid of Honor and my DOC about her.
She doesn't gossip, but she is uber-competitive. For example, we were both in a friend's wedding, and she attacked the bouquets when they arrived to pick out hers, and then later stole mine because it was slightly bigger. She also makes completely inappropriate comments about my weight, and tried to take over my friend's wedding photography session (i.e. "why don't you pose like this?" "we should do the entrance like this" etc). She also flipped out when I didn't pick her as my MOH.
But at the end of the day, I couldn't not include her because we've all been each other's bridesmaids. Besides, I figured that me snapping at her closer to the wedding would be less stressful than excluding her.
Oh my, what a situation to be in. I personally wouldn't have her in the wedding but that's just and it's really, really easy for me to say no to ppl especially ppl I don't like.
In the end do whatever you feel is best. Whatever will keep you from being stressed and having sleepless nights.
Thanks friends. I am still thinking about it. I will have a lose lose conclusion anyway. I just have to weigh the pros and the cons. Will update you later on ;.) Thank you so much for your advice. It really means a great deal.
I wouldn't. I just feel like...if you have to ask, it's clear that you don't want this person as a bridesmaid...you maybe wouldn't have even given it a thought had she not automatically assumed she was in? And I wouldn't want someone like that standing up with me. Only the people I love most dearly in my life.
I think your decision hinges on what would make you more miserable:
Having to deal with your cousin over EVERYTHING wedding including flowers, dresses, shopping, decor, bachelorette parties, etc.
OR
Having to deal with your cousin for one day (although in reality you'll be too busy to even notice her drama!)
I'd pick the latter. She'll forgive you!
You basically described my sister. She's my MOH because the consequences of NOT having her be were worse than having her. I'm seriously regretting this now. If I were you I would not have her be a bridesmaid.
Oh boy! Could you believe after all this time, I am still not sure? Hehehe! Ugh! Thanks ladies!
This is a tough one - I felt like I was in a similar issue, but I solved it by only having one MOH and no BM. And MOH is my sister. Therefore, no hard feelings. Is there a way to restrict the number of BMs (and groomsmen) so that it's not an issue?
It's a tough spot to be in. I was in a similar situation as well and decided to only have a MOH (my absolute best friend) and no BM's. It was just easier that way and it would garauntee the least amount of drama. I concluded that I didn't want to include a BM out of "pity" and would be resentful of my decision later on down the road. It's your call though. No matter what you decide at least some of your family members will have your back.
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I have a cousin that wants to be in my wedding party. We grew up like sisters but through out the years, she has been so mean to me. I know she has personal problems but she is a big pain. I do know that she loves me too. This is where it is tough. She loves me but doesn't understand that she isn't a nice person. I love her but don't like her. I did not want her in my wedding party but I am afraid if I keep her out, it will cause more chaos, mean looks from her parents, gossip, and me becoming an emotional wreck. Damn if you do and damn if you don't! She is already gossiping about another cousin of mine who is in my bridal party. She really really assumes she is also in it. What should I do???? Thanks so much!!!