Post # 1
But is it that simple?
I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago ranting about a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I’m still having issues & struggling w/ feelings toward this woman. I feel she’s causing me more stress & problems than she’s worth.
She is the same Bridesmaid or Best Man that I had food issues w/ @ my shower (taking 2 huge plates of food home to her family w/out asking). I was made aware yesterday by a few different people, family & friends, that Bridesmaid or Best Man was rolling her eyes during the whole shower & making little comments here & there anytime anyone would say anything. My mom bought me a HUGE cup that says “Bride” on it & is decorated w/ crystals & feathers & such…I’m sure you ladies have seen them. Anyone, alcohol was being served & I had 1 “Bride” glassfull that lasted me all evening. Bridesmaid or Best Man called me and everyone else drinking alcoholics, “Well, sorry, but I’m not an alcoholic like everyone else”. Please keep in mind that I didn’t see anyone drink more than 2 10oz drinks the entire evening. Due to religious & personal reasons she does not drink. I wanted to punch her in the face right then & there. Not only did she insult me, but she insulted family & friends alike. All I said was, “Sorry, but the world does not stop because you don’t like something”. I look @ pictures of the evening and she has this fake smile plastered on her face the whole time & you can tell she’s not enjoying herself.
She has changed so much since having her first child. She’s not happy and upbeat anymore. She’s tired (she’s prego w/ her 2nd), grumpy & just pissed off @ the world. She was not the same person I asked to be in our wedding less than a year ago. She’s not even the same person she was 6 months ago. I know a lot of people will say “because she has kids” or bring into this the fact she’s a mother, but I just don’t buy it. Being a mother does NOT make you rude & insulting & just an all out bitch.
Besides this unpleasant weekend, BM still has done nothing about her dress (not fitting into it because of growing tummy. Material from a 2nd dress needs to be added to fit her). We bought their dresses an hour from home & I will be doing some shopping this weekend in the vicinity we bought her dress. I can easily go buy another one, but I just don’t want to cater to her anymore. I want her out! BM is certainly not enjoying herself & I’m not enjoying her either. I feel like just telling her the shop didn’t have any dresses & it will be another 6-8 weeks to get another one, leaving her no option but to bow out. We had already (3 weeks ago) discussed her having to drop out because of this stupid dress & I told her then I would buy her dress off her.
I’m worried about this ruining our friendship, I care so much for BM & her daughter. But I cannot deal with her anymore. I want people that WANT to be there for us & WANT to be apart of our day. My brother’s girlfriend has been SUCH a big supporter & so helpful to me & I desperately wish it was her in our wedding.
I feel so torn & just don’t know what to do anymore. Bridesmaid or Best Man is the only big stress I have right now…I just want her out.
Post # 3
pregnancy comes with mood swings and maybe hers are just extreme. some people are very grumpy when pregnant. you could suggest to her that since she is pregnant she may want to step down otherwise u will just have to ignore “little” things like her rolling her eyes or making funny comments and try to have a good time anyway.
Post # 4
Do you think that her hormones are having her seem like a “different person” to you? Maybe you can have her step down as a Bridesmaid or Best Man and do something else in the wedding. That way she won’t have to look for another dress, and you can sell her dress to your brother’s Girlfriend.
Post # 5
Sorry you are going through this, and this is not an excuse, but if she is pregant, she is probably really hormonal and uncomfortable. I would make an effor to take her out to lunch and talk to her. Just you and her. Find out if she really wants to be in your wedding. Let her know that you don’t appreciate how she is behaving toward you and others’. Give her an opportunity to apologize and bow out of the wedding if she wants to and don’t hold it against, if she chooses to bow out. If she doesn’t apologize, maybe now is a good time to end the friendship. Only you and her can make that call. But yes, having kids does change people. She is quite probably jealous of you, so cut her some slack, if you can.
Post # 6
You won’t want to look back in years and be sad she wasn’t there. I suggest talking it out with her. There maybe something happening on her end and it hasn’t been communicated. Ask her questions and communicate wit her. Granted you may receive feedback that you aren’t emotionally prepared to get, you will be making an effort. If you feel the open line of communication didn’t work then I would revisit the thought letting her know that it might be best for your friendship for her to not be a bridesmaid.
I am sorry you’re going through this
Post # 7
Can you give her a way out by asking something like “I know you have so much going on right now with your daughter and this pregnancy. If you would like to step back from being a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I would understand. I don’t want this to be a burden for you.” That would be nice.
Or the not-so-nice version and definite removal is “I feel that being a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my wedding is not working for you with so much going on right now with your daughter and this pregnancy. I’m going to relieve you from your position as Bridesmaid or Best Man because I want you to enjoy attending my wedding.”
Situations like this are difficult. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
Post # 8
agreed.. I am a happy and go lucky person, but when I was pregnant I was an UBER BITCH! Like no kidding, I can’t believe I’m not single right now…
Also, if she is on her second child so quickly she may feel very overwhelmed. I can understand that she may be getting on your nerves, but is this worth losing a friend over? I’m sure everyones nerves are thin, especially with your wedding be so close, but pregnancy can make a sweet girl obnoxious; take if from me!
Big hugs, and I hope it all works out!
Post # 9
I appreciate everyone’s input. I’m just so torn. I think it’s best her & I talk & come to a mutual understanding & agreement. I’ve tried to overlook a lot of things, but Saturday was the last straw for me. I guess I don’t understand the hormonal thing as I’ve never been pregnant. This just isn’t like her & I’m having such a hard time accepting this side of her.
I agree she may feel overwhelmed. However, I’ve given her a couple of chances to bow out. I would understand 1000% if she decided to come only as a guest. At this point, I welcome it w/ open arms. I want her there w/out stressing us both out.
I admit I’m chicken shit when it comes to confrontation w/ sticky situations & want an easy out (like telling her they don’t have the dress). But I guess it’s time to put up or shut up. Here’s to hoping I don’t ruin our friendship…
Post # 10
Hormones can REALLY mess a person up, so I wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss her. Just have a chat with her about her (piss-poor) attitude…GL.