I don't want his female friend at the wedding. Am I crazy?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Shadowkat13:  Put your foot down. Just tell him that she is not coming, period, end of story.

Post # 3
Member
332 posts
Helper bee

Shadowkat13: You are telling him he can’t invite a longtime friend of his, solely because of your own insecurities. Not cool. He basically proofreads her stories. Big deal. Neither one of them have done anything to justify someone close to him not being invited to the wedding. And, you can’t hold his past (before you were ever in the picture) against him, as long as he isn’t doing anything inappropriate. Normally I’m all about a man choosing not to put their SO in an uncomfortable situation, but I actually hope he stands his ground on this one.

Post # 4
Member
6644 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t see a problem with him inviting her.  He is marring you not her.  Sounds like they are just friends and nothing even remotely is flirtatious about their contact.   I wouldn’t worry about it. Your wedding day you will be so busy with your new DH and your guests you won’t even realize she is there

Post # 5
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Shadowkat13:  I think you’re being irrational. It truly sounds like they are just friends and that their behavior is appropriate for being friends. I think you need to figure out what you are insecure about here that relates to this girl and work on that. She’s a lifelong friend of your FH’s. I would invite her.

In regards to the writing, just like above, they’ve been friends for a long time. She probably trusts that he will give her honest feedback. 

Post # 6
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I guess I can understand that there’s some discomfort, but if all she’s asking is that he read her work, then I don’t see a problem with that. They have a history and some of that could include a shared love of writing. Her boyfriend may not have the type of insight her friend, your FI, has.

Post # 7
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

PoliticallyIncorrect:  I kind of do, too. From the details we have so far, they’ve done nothing to warrant her being excluded. Perhaps she doesn’t ask her boyfriend to read her writing because he doesn’t give truly constructive feedback. That doesn’t mean she’s going to try to steal him away from you or anything. Doesn’t even mean she has feelings for him. It seems like they tried the whole dating thing, realized that wasn’t an avenue they wanted to pursue, and went back to being friends because that’s what they really are.

Post # 8
Member
2197 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I don’t think he’s doing anything wrong. It’s his friend. Just because you are insecure about it, doesn’t mean she should be excluded. Yes, he reads her work. Maybe she isn’t comfortable with her boyfriend reading it. That doesn’t mean she wants to be with your man. As others said, he is marrying you. Not inviting her will only create drama where there doesn’t need to be any. 

Post # 9
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

It’s not about whether or not the OP is justified in being against this woman attending, it’s not a question of if this is just about her own insecurities. This other woman being at the wedding would make her uncomfortable.

There’s history there, and the OP mentions that it’s not just about a shared love of writing.

Post # 10
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Yes, you’re being unreasonable. 

Post # 11
Member
2151 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I really don’t think that their relationship as you’ve described it is inappropriate. He profreads her stories. It’s not an intimate relationship on any level. Especially if your FI has been reading her work before you or her SO were in the picture. I think that it is really unfair to tell your FI that he cannot invite a good friend to his wedding. Besides, Sassygrn makes a great point – you’ll be way to busy enjoying your day to even notice that she is there.

Post # 12
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Yes, he is marrying you. Yes, its just reading her writing…but at the end of the day, you are uncomfortable with her being there and your FI should respect that. At our wedding, we had an understanding that no “old boys” of mine would be invited, nor “old girls” of his.

 Are you inviting any of your old flames? Would your FI be comfortable with them coming to the wedding?

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Bexx.
Post # 13
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It’s possible you’re putting the cart before the horse here. Once you choose a venue and set a budget and all that, you may find that your big lists of “everyone we could think of that we would want at our wedding” will need to be pared down significantly — as this happens to almost everyone! In that case, it may turn out that this girl doesn’t make the cut anyway, so there’s nothing to argue about. So if I were you, I would wait to address the issue until you’re sure it even is an issue. It may well be that she gets axed without you having to say a word!

Post # 14
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

PoliticallyIncorrect:  What can the OP’s SO possibly do to “stand his ground”? If his fiancee says no and puts her foot down, then what can he do? Invite this other woman behind the OP’s back?

Post # 15
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Also, OP, you should mention that you want to invite some old flames of yours. It may help him put things into perspective.

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