Post # 1
So here’s the story,
My Fiance has a lot of family that isnt really family, they just are close enough to be though of as family, but are not family. For example, he has someone he basically grew up with and went to church with that he considers a brother. It’s cute, but complicated when it comes down the weddings. Well his “sister”, also a close friend and fellow church attendant, has three children, one 18 year old and two 14 year olds (twins). Our reception is 18 and over. FI’s mom stated (nee required without option) that we include the “sisters” 14 year old children in the wedding guest list because those are her “grandchildren”.
Now my issue with this is, I am asking blood related family members (mine and his) to leave their younger children at home, why can we not ask this “sister” to do the same?
Post # 3
She needs to face it that they are NOT her grandchildren (if I WAS her grandchild, I think I would be hurt by this statement), and that you cannot ask some people to leave their “under-18’s” at home and allow this lady to bring hers. That’s rude to your guests.
Post # 4
If you want zero kids, as in no one under 18, then I’d say put your foot down and say no.
But then again, a 14 year old is in high school, is fairly mature (you know them, if they’re not mature then definitely no) and they’ll have an older sibling with them, you know, to keep them in line. 14 year olds don’t run around and scream, or wreck the place, or throw food or anything. The worst that could happen is that they get bored and sulk in a corner until it’s time to go.
But it really is up to you and how you want your wedding to be!
Post # 5
When I hear adult reception, I actually think 13 and up. There is a big difference between a 14-year old and a 4-year old.
But if you have other family members who are teens that you are not including, I agree that you must be consistent. On the other hand, if the relatives you are not including are actual children, I can see why your Future Mother-In-Law is confused.
If it is important to you that the cut-off is 18 for consistency, stick to it. If the 14-year olds are the only ones in their age group, I would consider inviting them to keep the peace. Everyone will understand the difference between 14 and 4.
Post # 6
I’ll just point out that it’s not up to you to decide who your mil considers “family”–don’t use that as a reason for why you don’t think they should be invited. Just stick to your guns on the age issue.
Post # 7
I agree with Osaar, trying to say that these people are not as close as blood relatives will only fan the drama flames. I say invite the 18yo (because he/she meets the “adult” qualification) and say that the 14yos can’t come because it wouldn’t be fair to the other families who have to leave their children at home, and leave it at that.
14yos would be bored being the only people their age at a wedding anyway. Plus, it’s not like they are babies who can’t be without their parents. They won’t even need a babysitter…
Post # 8
I do agree with Osaar that you shouldn’t bring up the lack of actual blood relation. That may start a war if you offend her (or your Fiance, which could get pretty messy). I do think you should bring up the age issue. Tell her it’s 18+, no exemptions. If necessary, I would send the 18 yearold their own invitation (if you don’t think it would creat one of those dreaded plus one problems).
Post # 9
If you have an age limit, you need to stick with it. If you make exceptions for this person (who isn’t technically family), it opens the doors for all kinds of other people to get hurt/upset.