Post # 1
My FMIL started asking us over the weekend about our bridal party. We’re having four attendants each. There will be no flower girl or ring berer- I have a personal vendetta against children in weddings. We’re totally ok with kids being AT the wedding, it’s just IN it that we’re not.
The only kids we know in that age range aren’t close enough for me to even consider. It’s like my thid cousin’s kids, or my FI’s brothers girlfriends sisters kids. Just very distant people that I don’t even know the kids would be able to name us!
I’ve never seen the younger ones make it down the aisle, and it turns into a side show watching them freak out having people watch them. I don’t want any “Last chance to run” signs. I don’t want kids in my wedding.
My FMIL refuses to believe this is ok. I told ger that we’re not including them, our reasons (we don’t know any close enough in that range, I don’t like the unpredictable nature of kids in weddings, it’s not in our vision), and she’s just not getting it. She basically said the best part of the wedding is seeing the little kids dressed up, and thinks it’s not ok for us to have an adult only bridal party. She spent all weekend going “Well what about so and so’s kid? You know them!” And texting us photos of flower girls and ring berers. She even offered to buy the clothing and flowers and stuff for them, as if the dress and suit was the reason we don’t want them included.
My FI agrees with me, no kids, it’s not even a consideration for us to think about including them. Thankfully he’s been responding the same canned response to his mom with me, and we’re uniting on this front. We’re not going to be swayed. I’m just so over this!
I can’t wait for this to be done. Had I known how much into stupid details people were going to get, I wouldn’t have agreeed to a year and a half long engagement!
Post # 3
@DelilahDiamond: Eugh. I’ve no problem with a close relative (like niece or nephew), but a wedding’s not a place for rent-a-kid. Your wedding party is meant to be your nearest and dearest. You don’t want to look back in 10 or 20 years time and think, “Who the heck was that?”
I always thought the best part of the wedding was the bride and groom. Maybe I’m weird and your FMIL is normal 🙂
Post # 4
@paula1248: +1 I dont understand why anyone would want a bunch of strangers in their photos no matter how cute they look.
Nearest and Dearest only, if they happen to be young a cute and predicatble then good if not, why even consider them.
That said, I have some super cute pictures of friend and family kids dancing at the reception.
Post # 5
I’m so glad other’s think she’s crazy for randomly suggesting distant relations/friends for the positions. We’re at the point where we started rolling out eyes at her. My FI wants to take a picture of our cat with our rings tied around her collar and send it to my FMIL and say that we’ve picked our ring berer. I don’t know how well she’ll take that!
Post # 6
@DelilahDiamond: Hey, it can always be worse; my FMIL actually asked us if we’re not inviting kids because we don’t want to or because we don’t know any, adding that if it’s the latter, she can ‘find some for us to invite’… Yup, FMIL to the rescue with her rent-a-child service!
Just stand firm; it’s your wedding, and so entirely up to you who you have, or don’t have in the bridal party. I would simply say that you are not close to these children, and only want people you are close to in your bridal party, and leave it at that. Frankly, it is none of her business and she can just suck it up.
Post # 7
@DelilahDiamond: I think that is a VERY cute idea 😉
Post # 8
@DelilahDiamond: I would never consider some random kids in my wedding party. Of course, I didn’t even have a wedding party. It was just me and DH. My 8 year old niece did hold my flat but she had no official role in the wedding.
Also, the best part of a wedding is the couple not the kids. Stick to your guns.
Post # 9
@DelilahDiamond: Honestly, it sounds like you guys are handling this well. How annoying though. I think if your FI has been responding for a few days, it’s maybe time for him to say “Mom, I love you but this isn’t open for discussion. Please drop it.” Then stop answering. When she brings it up in person, he needs to say “We aren’t talking about this anymore. How’s Uncle Jake?”
Post # 10
@DelilahDiamond: We are not having any kids in our wedding either. I’d love to have a couple in it but it’s like once I invite one, where do I stop without hurting feelings?
Post # 11
@barbie86: What is it with the Rent-A-child?! Do they think they can just call up the nearest Grade 3 teacher and ask her if she wants to bring her kids on a field trip one Saturday afternoon?!
Thankfully my FI thinks she’s insane too. Once we started talking about how we imagined our wedding, we both realized that it didn’t involve kids standing up with us. It was easy to come to that conclusion, and we never thought his mom would take it this far!
Post # 12
@Mrs.LemonDrop: That’s our plan as of the next text/call about “your great aunt’s cousin’s sister-in-laws nephew has the most adorable niece who could be your flower girl!” We’re hoping his mom will soon run out of people to suggest for the role. At least we agree she’s being silly!
@LilLis: We might actually do it. Our cat’s our baby (She even has a facebook page!) and his family teases us about treating her far too much like a kid!
@MRSsrm85: If we had kids that were actually an important to us, then we;d consider it. But it would be random kids! So we’re gonna stick to our guns that we’re the most important part too!
Post # 13
@DelilahDiamond: said the best part of the wedding is seeing the little kids dressed up
gag. tell her to go to a child pagent instead of your wedding. Obviously she’d have more fun there.
Post # 14
@Atalanta: lol. I like this.
Post # 15
@DelilahDiamond: Yeha just ignore her. I like kids in the wedding, but we made sure ours ws a bit older. Our ring bearer was 4 (and my godson), and he listens super well.
However, while I have a lot of little girls in my family, I didn’t want a flower girl becuase I am not close with anyone and all those little girls are complete brats. My MIL would NOT leave us alone about her step sister’s daughter, whom I’ve never met and DH has only met once and not within the last 5 years. MIL just went on and on, but the decision stood, and we just changed the subject when she would talk about it. She tried to make us feel bad, but I didn’t want any little girls in my wedding at all.
Post # 16
It’s not like you’re having a kid-free wedding! Just no kids in the bridal party!
I’ve been to two kid-free weddings in the ast year. They’re definitey not a big deal, and I definitely didn’t wring my hands in distress that there wasn’t a 4 year old in a dress!