Post # 1
My fiance and I are getting married in June of this year. My fiance is going to pick 5 bridesmaids. She has decided already on 4 bridesmaids. She wants to pick someone that I do not approve of to be a bridesmaid. There are several reasons that I dont want her friend, lets call her Janet, to be involved in the wedding. I understand that Janet is my fiance’s friend and I told her that it is her right to invite her. Janet is an alcoholic and everytime we have spent time with her she get completely trashed. She came to visit us for a week from California and the first night we went out she decided it was in her best interest to spend the night with a married man on business. I had to pick her up from the hotel in the morning. The rest of the week she proceeded to disregard us as hosts do her own thing having me drop her off and pick her up a various bars and houses. I dont know Janet that well but my fiance talks alot about her, mostly that she always in getting black-out drunk and going home with strangers.
I understand her friend has major issues she has to address and I love my fiance for trying to help but I definately do not want someone who has no respect for marriage involved in my wedding. I do not like Janet but the major resason I am against her as a bridesmaid is that she is a liability and I do not want to our special day to be ruined by her.
As soon as Janet found out that we were engaged she posted on my fiance’s wall that she would be the maid of honor. I told my fiance that it is not Janet’s decision and that it is very presumptuous of Janet. Because of this my fiance thinks that if we dont have Janet as a bridesmaid she will not be her friend anymore. I told my fiance that Janet should be happy if she is invited to our wedding.
What should I do?? My fiance and I have gotten in several fights over this.
Post # 3
Just show your FI the HUNDREDS of threads on here about bridesmaids drama. It stresses girls out so much! Avoid the drama by making good picks!
Post # 4
While it’s not your choice, I would be deeply uncomfortable with someone like that supposedly standing with me at my weddding (or falling all over if she gets that drunk)
I would talk to your FI about what she wants out of the wedding and her wedding party. Slow walk her to why Janet is a bad choice. “You want reliable people to help you on your day? A and B are very good at that, and C and D will be there for you forever. But do you remember that time that Janet was black out drunk at 4:00 and missed XYZ?”
Post # 5
@Michael-Texas: While I totally, and I really do mean that, understand your hesitation, it’s really not fair for you to dictate your fiancé’a bridal party. I doubt you would be happy if she did the same to you. My FI doesn’t like or approve of one of my choices for bridesmaid (though more because our friendship is different than what he thinks it should be), but he just said “your choice – just understand what you’re signing on for if you make it.” I did (pretty much an absentee maid), but he didn’t flat out say no And I don’t regret my situation.
I would suggest talking to her about it, expressing your concerns, and then leaving it be. If this girl really does end up getting black-out drunk at the wedding, it won’t really matter if she’s a bridesmaid or just a guest. Good luck…
Post # 6
She sounds terrible and I would never invite that person to stay at my home again. I agree that your FI is under no obligation to include her in the bridal party just because she was so pushy. What does she really want, though? If it were me, I’d totally ignore the FB comment. For all we know she made the comment while drunk or as a joke.
I wouldn’t be too happy about having her stand up for me, either, but she is probably just as much of a liability as a guest. While I think you have every right to express your feelings on the subject, and that your feelings are something FI might be very smart to consider, ultimately the choice is hers. Can FI discuss her concerns with this person?
Post # 7
I think that you should absolutely share your concerns with your fiance, but at the end of the day, she gets to pick her bridal party. At least that’s my opinion. I wasn’t the biggest fan of one of my husband’s groomsmen, but I certainly wasn’t going to forbid him from inviting him.
Post # 8
I think you have a legitimate reason for not wanting her involved and your FI should respect that.
If the tables were turned, I’m sure you would respect her wishes about your attendants as well.
Post # 9
@Michael-Texas: No matter what you believe or want, you FI has every right to choose who she wants to stand with her. You cannot force her to do otherwise, just like she has no control over your groomsmen. You may express your concerns, but not control her. Sounds like you expressed your concerns, now it is time to let it go. Maybe one last discussion on how you want her to be happy and that you are sorry you tried to forbid something that should be really her decision but that you were really concerned for her. And then let it go. Don’t fight about it.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
You shouldn’t have a say in who she picks. Why put that strain on her? Obviously she is close enough to be considered as a bridesmaid, she expects it even, and it may harm their friendship. One of my BFFs has a bad rep when she is drunk. DH cannot stand her. At the wedding she was perfectly well behaved! Don’t count her out.
Post # 11
You don’t get to decide this. Your fiancee does. End of story.
Stop stressing her out. You’re getting in fights with her over THIS? Why? You’ve become part of the problem. Let it go.
Post # 12
I would just bring up your concerns with your FI and let her know that you think Janet might cause unnecessary stress as a BM and to maybe not expect a lot out of her. If your FI understands that then I don’t think there is any problem with Janet being a BM as she would be invited anyways.
Post # 13
I voted not sure because, I think you are right that this girl sounds like a hot mess, and I wouldn’t want her in my BP either, you can’t not “allow” your fiance to have her in the wedding. It’s her BM to choose.
Post # 14
I voted before I realized who was asking the question! Sigh. Listen, you should not interfere here. Let your fiance make the decision and trust that she will make the best one. Marriage is about trust and you need to make sure you show her you trust her.
If you are worried, just tell her you are but do not talk about how Janet has no respect for marriage or sound judgmental.
Post # 15
I voted not sure, because I don’t think it’s a matter of “allowing”. She does not need your permission. I would strongly discourage it, but let her make the decision.
Post # 16
@Michael-Texas: Why does your fiance still want to be friends with this person, even after she has done all these things? Why is she afraid to lose the friendship?