I dont want my Fiances teenage daughters in the wedding

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
3697 posts
Sugar bee

If they are going to be a part of your marriage to this man and your lives together … well, you know the situation from the inside and we don’t, but I’d say that trying to exclude them from the wedding starts everyone off on the wrong foot.

Post # 4
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Not saying this to be rude but I don’t think it’s up to you. I think this is between your fiance and his ex.

Post # 5
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@KCKnd2:  I agree. Can you talk to her? I don’t see how this could turn out good if you do not include them.

Post # 6
335 posts
Helper bee

All things considered… does the 13 year-old even want to be a bridesmaid?

Post # 7
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Um, ok, this is a hard situation. If you don’t want them to be a part of your wedding ceremony you are already starting this marriage of couple AND family off on the wrong foot. As long as you are married to him, they are going to be his daughters, and as soon as you say “I do”, yours, too. Regardless of whether or not they’re in your wedding the 13 can make your day hell. If you don’t include her, it’ll be thrown in your face more times then you can count. If you think she’s got issues now, wait til her soon to be stepmother doesn’t include her in the marriage to her father.

Post # 8
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Yeah, sorry… I don’t think you get a choice here. If your Fiance wants his children in your wedding, you should respect that wish.  This is an important day for them too, remember.  Let him and the girls decide, and let him deal with the crazy ex. 

Post # 9
34 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

If my SO acted this way about my almost 13 year old daughter there most likely wouldn’t be a wedding.  What a way to start out a marriage and joining a family.

Post # 10
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Birdee106:  This.

Also, you say you want it to be a happy day. How could it possibly be a happy day for your Fiance if you kick his (your) daughters out of the reception so that you do not have to deal with them? Teenagers can be rough sometimes, especially 13 year olds. Her father is getting remarried and she is probably going through a rough time right now. She needs both of your support right now, not to be excluded from her family.

Post # 11
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Being 15 just plain sucks, so at least remember that hormones and attitude are uncontrollable sometimes at that age-especially if the divorced parents are not on really good terms.

She’s only capable of embarrassing herself, really…when people see a screaming toddler they look to the parents, but when they see a bitchy 15 year old they chalk it up to what a 15 year old is capable of being.

Maybe to save yourself from too much worry it is something your fiance could sort out. Otherwise, be gracious…it will pay off in the end and she will probably grow up and have a great relationship with you.

Story Time!:

When my best friend and I were 15 her father had an affair with a woman who is 9 years older than us. When they got married we were furious and made her life hell. Wasn’t right..but we were 15 so we certainly didn’t think about anyone but ourselves. She had the tolerance of a saint and eventually it was hard to be terrible to her because it just made us look like devils..had she retaliated things might have turned out differently. Nowadays she and my best friend have a great relationship. Things can work out as long as the adults are adults.

Moral of the story: be gracious…you’re never on the wrong side of things if you’re doing the positive thing. Invite her to be in the wedding if it’s important to your fiance and the family, and if her mother puts a wedge in that just go with the flow and enjoy your wedding day.

Post # 12
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

If you are marrying into this family, you are marrying into a family.  Not having them in the wedding is not the way to handle these problems. 

Post # 14
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Sorry but I think you have to include them both.  I’m kind of in a similar situation that my Fiance has a 13 year old boy who has behavioral problems and tends to cause scenes everywhere we go.  However, I have agreed to marry Fiance and accept his boys as a part of our family so if the 13 year old wants to, he will be in whatever capacity Fiance decides.  I’m not saying that I won’t stress about him causing a scene (because I will) but I decided long ago that this was something that came with the package.  Good luck.

Post # 15
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Why don’t you let the girls themselves decide if they want to be a part of it. If they don’t want to and your Fiance is forcing them to, they have more reason to act out. Also present it factually with your Fiance to all sit down and come to this decision together as a family. If he wants them to be in your wedding that badly, he needs to lay out the expectations with them in terms of what is acceptable behavior.

Post # 16
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

I put this on the same level as not inviting your sisters to be in the wedding. Sure, you CAN do it…but for the sake of avoiding drama, I hope you just let them come! You could have them spend the night at your house the night before in case you’re worreid about the mom not dropping them off. And maybe buying them very fancy “big girl” dresses with sophisticated costume jewelry and letting them get their hair and makeup done professionally will put them on their best behavior. I know if I was feeling surly, a day of being pampered would adjust my attitude with a quickness.

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