- 3 weeks ago
HI everyone! So, lots to explain here so please bare with me, but basically, I’ve always felt that my sister is a narcissitic, conniving, and mean human being. She’s 3 years older than me, we’re both in our mid-20s, and we’ve never bonded as sisters. I’ve told my closest friends and boyfriend that if we weren’t related, we wouldn’t even be friends. Here’s a few examples of her past behaviors:
We took a college class together, her idea. It was a difficult, upper division science course. I’ve always had an easier time in school since we were little, everything always came naturally to me. Now, my sister is also smart, and she definitely works hard, harder than me. I admire her study abilities. Anyway, we were getting ready for a test the night before, and I was having some difficulty with some practice questions. Asked for her help, and she complained that she didn’t want to stay up to help me. She ended up staying up for 30 minutes and I appreciated her help. Come test results, I get a good grade while she gets a D. She goes crying to our mom, saying it’s my fault, I made her stay up late, why do I always get everything so easily, etc. I couldn’t believe it. And our mom defends her, and tells me to forgive.
Another example. In the early months of my relationship with my now-boyfriend, I could tell that she didn’t really care for him. I ignored it, mostly because she expressed plenty of times in the past that she never liked who I hanged out with (my friends are good people, caring and kind, so she has no reason not to like them). Anyway, one night, my boyfriend and I are in my bedroom, making out. My sister and I were still living with our parents at the time due to college. The lights are out, and my sister barges in (I previously thought she was sleeping), and starts yelling that she’s going to tell our mom (we’re in our early 20s, how childish!). Boyfriend goes home, all embarrassed, and I’m left discussing with my mother what happened. My sister listens by the door as my mom and I talk rationally. I just can’t believe she would run our mother about something like that…
My sister has always been someone that never congratulates me when something good happens to me, or she constantly questions my decisions. I want to get a dog, she criticizes how I won’t have time, how I better not expect our parents to watch the dog while I go on vacation, etc. I got some presentations accepted at a national conference for my career, and I’m excited about attending…she questions how I will afford the trip, why would I take my boyfriend with me, don’t I have grad schoolwork I need to worry about, etc. It’s always criticism, never, “That’s great! I’m happy for you!” And it always been like this. I’ve always felt like it was a competition between us.
Anyway, current situation. My boyfriend of 6 years is planning on proposing soon. I’m very excited! He asked a close family friend of mine that he knows well for some advice, telling him his proposal plan, which includes using a cat we plan on adopting soon. My sister overheard. My boyfriend tells her to keep everything a secret. Well today, she told me that she knows we’re getting cat. I ask her how she knows, and she says my boyfriend told her. I asked why he told her. She says don’t worry about it and smirks. Now, I’m angry. I don’t like her knowing about my personal life due to her constant criticism and her inability to be happy for me (see above). I ask my boyfriend why my sister knows, never thinking it was about a proposal. He spills what happened, the cat proposal plan and how he made my sister swear not to tell. He looks so sad, and says he now has to come up with a different plan. I’m furious at my sister, confront her, and she lies, saying my boyfriend is lying about what happened. He had no reason to lie to me.
My boyfriend doesn’t want her in our wedding party and now I’m contemplating the idea. The thing is, I would get so much grief from our family, especially my mother who has always defended her actions, saying my sister never had it easy and I should be nice to her since we’re family. She has already kinda ruined a proposal, so I can only imagine what it would be like to have her in my wedding. She brings out the absolute worst in me and when I’m with her, I feel like we’re teenagers fighting again. It’s so childish.
So, I need some advice about what to do. By the way, brownie points to you if you had read this far. Should she be in my wedding party to keep family peace? I would like to hope that perhaps a wedding would bring us closer, but maybe that’s wishful thinking 🙁