Post # 16
This isn’t a competition, it might seem like small potatoes to you, but you don’t get to write off someone’s struggles because you think you have it worse.
I’m glad your sister turned you down though, it made it very easy for you to get past it 🙂 no sarcasm intended, I’m happy that you had a good outcome
Post # 17
Sansa85 : No competition implied; I was just saying, this is petty immature stuff. The sort of stuff you get into when you’re in your early 20s and it seems like the worst ever because you don’t have the sense of perspective that comes from living a longer, fuller life. I’m a lot older than that now, and I know that there are some moves that change a relationship forever. Not asking her to be in the wedding party might create a long-standing rift with her sister, and she should be prepared for that. My sister not agreeing to be in mine – well, we’ll never be quite the same again, even granted what a rocky place we started. These decisions have consequences, and I encourage the OP to think long and hard about what the consequences might be before making any decisions bassed on what was a pretty petty list of grievances. This isn’t some random friend who is a little bitchy; this is her only sister. There could be real fallout from keeping her out, especially if the reason is stupid sibling rivalry things dating back years.
Post # 18
Got it. I do agree. I figured not having a bridal party would be better than causing drama, so I understand where you are coming from
Post # 19
PsychGIrl13 : Congratulations on your upcoming proposal and soon to be fur baby! That’s so exciting!! I have a tricky situation with my upcoming wedding where a toxic family member will not even be invited, but this was decided mutually by FI and I after multiple genuine attempts for reconciliation. Have you ever had a one on one with your sister? Just to express how these behaviors have hurt you and how you’d like to work on having a better relationship? It wouldn’t hurt to ask her if she feels you hurt her in any way too. Start there.
I think before considering not allowing your only sister to be in your bridal party, which is sure to deepen the rift, you two should have an honest conversation and try to move forward. There’s going to be some time before your boyfriend proposes, and even more time before the actual wedding day. Work on repairing the relationship first; and then make your decision later. A lot can happen between now and then.
Post # 20
You are in a spot where, if you have her in the BP she will cause petty annoyances, but if you don’t ask her she will bitch your ears off. So you are in for it either way.
Post # 21
nycoleman : wow, I’m so sorry about what your BIL did at your wedding! That’s awful. I’m trying to think of memories down the line too, and that’s why it’s really hard to think of me including her. I honestly cannot recollect any happy memories between us. And thank you! He is definitely a keeper and I’m very excited about a kitten!
ren89 : I totally agree with you. However, it’s hard when I want my family to be happy, I’m such a people pleaser, and my sister knows that and uses it to her advantage. I would literally never hear the end of it. She would generate a pity party and I would be left looking like the bad guy.
MrsWolfaith : thank you for the perspective! That’s why I hesitate about leaving her out, the memories down the line. I’m hoping we grow out of this childish stage because it’s awful. It’s often instigated by her. I think I would put her at the end. Our mother wants her to be MOH, but I’m putting my foot down on that. That’s reserved for my best friend of 7 yrs. And I’m really sorry to hear about your sister! It’s great you got to spend that time with her and have the relationship that you always wanted.
lleello : that’s a great idea! Thank you!
megrays : I definitely agree. I can only imagine her childish behavior if she came dress shopping with me!
KiwiDerbyBride : I already voiced my concerns but my mother is completely blindsided to her behavior. She’s always made excuses for the way she acts. I’m thinking of taking others suggestions and either putting her at the end of my line or making her a reader. That would certainly, and hopefully, please our mother!
skunktastic : I have considered this! However, I have a core group of really great friends that I couldn’t imagine not standing up with me. We’ve known each other since high school. Thank you for the suggestion though! It’s something to talk about with my boyfriend.
murphybobbitt : I’m trying to think of the future too, which is why it makes it so hard!
pearleaf : that’s a great suggestion, thank you! Lol, we do sound similar.
Post # 22
SaraJeanQ : yes, it is very petty. I have asked her why she never seems happy for me and she dodges those questions. I can never have a rational conversation with her. And, mind you, those are just a few examples. Petty it seems, but it’s just the surface. I’ve actually asked her in the past if she loved me, and she didn’t say anything! That really hurt. I’ve been slapped in the face by her for calling her a b***, because, at the time, she was definitely acting like one. And my mom defended her even then, saying she was bullied in the past and called those names by the bullies. I couldn’t believe it! I guess I am jealous that they are closer, since I don’t have a really great relationship with my mom either. That’s for another post though.
Post # 23
She shouldn’t be involved. Since your mother always takes her side, then she can sit at home and deal with her brat that she raised. Not your problem or concern. Ppl who make it a habit to ruin shit don’t deserve invites, nor do their enablers.
Post # 24
It’s your wedding and your day. As a sibling with a toxic sister as well I say “cut her off!” Grow a backbone and stand up to your family and your sister. Do not have your sister in your wedding because she will sabotage and/or destroy your wedding and your family will encourage you to rugsweep it because “you’re family.” If you don’t do it now you will end up doing it eventually. I’m speaking from experience here. I am getting married next month and while I invited my toxic sister to the wedding she declined the invitation because she knows I am no longer tolerating her nasty behavior and attitude in my life and around my fiancee and children. I am perfectly at peace with the status of our relationship. While I love my sister I simply do not like her. So be it.