Ok, so here's my dilemma.
The best man in our wedding is in the army. In fact, he's one of the best shooters in the US, and was [this close] to representing the US in the Olympics (he choked at the finals).
Although I'm very proud of what he does and has accomplished, I would prefer he didn't wear his dress blues for the ceremony and photos. Our groomsmen will be wearing black with navy, and the bridesmaids will be wearing navy blue as well. I worry like he will stand out more than my groom (and everyone else for that matter), because, well.. he will.
FI wants him to wear it, and the BM was bummed his sister would not let him wear it at her wedding this summer.
Is it selfish of me to want him to look like the other groomsman? What do I do? Please help :(
Side note: My brother is also a Staff Sergeant in the Air Force. He's a groomsman as well, but he will not be wearing his blues.
@OnceUponATime: That's something you wear at your OWN wedding. Sorry but no.
ETA: It's not selfish at all! In my opinion, it's almost a weird question.
"Hey man I know it's your wedding, but can I wear something to stand out? All of you guys are wearing tuxes and I want to look special."
Um no! His sister didn't want him to wear it at her wedding either, probably for the same reason! How would he feel if someone did that to him at his wedding? It's like having one bridesmaid wear a bright red dress and the rest having a muted champagne. It doesn't make any sense.
Yah, I get your concern. Tell him you would please want him to match for the ceremony and pics but he can wear whatever he wants for the reception (I wouldn't bother changing if I were him, but whatever).
Listen, I know its YOUR wedding, but I'm torn. This man is a hero. All service members are. They risk their lives to defend us, so part of me says to not even question tradition. Can you imagine how proud he is to wear that uniform?
However, I totally understand the thought that he *might* stand out more than your FI. But everyone is going to know who the groom is. Nothing, and I mean nothing (short of a midget streaker waving around a burning baton) is going to take anyone's attention away from the two of you.
My friend, who is getting married in June, isnt letting her FI wear his dress blues. He's heartbroken. She did this because all the groomsmen are in different branches of the military, which would result in a whole bunch of outfits. Do I agree with her? Not in the least. But hey, it's not my wedding.
I always thought you wore it if you were the groom, but not a groomsmen (unless they all were). Honestly, I think he should match everyone else.
@BlondeBee: I feel like he can proudly wear it at his own wedding. I love when men do that! Or if all the groomsmen wear their uniforms.
But to have just one groomsman seems weird. Especially when the groom isn't wearing it.
Maybe if it was a "groom and best man" thing that would work, but the groom isn't going to. So.. Ack I just need some sort of matching!! Hahaha
@OnceUponATime: I think as the bride, you have the right to ask your bridal party to wear the attire you choose. Do the other men in the party wear whatever they want? No... They wear what it is they are asked to wear in order to unify the group.
I would sort of set aside some time to tell him how you feel... tell him you are proud of him and all he's done and accomplished but that it is an occassion where its about a different focus... Note that your brother won't be wearing his either for the same reasons.
If he's really that into the blues, I'd allow him to change if he wanted to... I just think that's kinda extreme and if it were me, I'd stay in the tux that set me apart as one of the wedding party - an honor! - as opposed to the different honor of being a serviceman... its kinda about appropriate focus for me... and its only one day.
My DH was in the military, so were 3/5 groomsmen. But there was a look we wanted, so the men rented the tuxes. There a lot of opportunities for them to wear dress blues if they choose, this is your one day. If your DH is insistant- then let it go. Luckily none of our guys minded.
if your FI is not wearing blues, is he even in the military? then i dont think the groomsman should wear them. He will just look odd standing out especially if your FI is wearing a tux
I am also from the camp that thought the only person who wears their uniform at the wedding is the groom, not groomsmen.
He may have been bummed about the other wedding, because it is his family, but I'm sure he will understand at your wedding.
I would ask him to wear the tux for ceremony and pictures, and then he can change if he wants to.
I don't understand why it would be necessary. I wouldn't wear my works clothes as a bridesmaid.
As I see it, the tux is the uniform of the men in the bridal party. They're all wearing them, so he should too.
@OnceUponATime: FI wants him to wear it
Well, if your FI wants his BM to wear his blues, then that's what should happen. Did your FI get a say in what your girls wore? You can give your opinion, but I think it should be up to your FI - afterall it is his wedding too!
Honestly though, it's not like he will take any attention away from you or your FI. Sure people will notice, but they will be like "Oh awesome, he serves in the army," and then go right back to talking about you and your FI.
I agree with a lot of the points PPs have made. However, it's not just your wedding, your FI gets an equal say. If he is ok with his groomsman wearing his dress blues, I think you should compromise.
@lh526: I'm trying to imagine
mixed in with
I say absolutely not for the ceremony!! It will draw attention away from you. Why else do we have all of the bridesmaids and groomsmen match! I would tell him that exactly without sounding totally vain and maybe throw in something about recognizing he is a hero but tell him if he wants to wear them during the reception that's fine.
Everyone is bringing up the best points. I definitely let the groom have a say in what the girls wear. That's why we didn't pick any girly colors like pink, yellow, or orange. I do want him to be happy though!
@strawbabies: That actually makes me chuckle a little. I've never once seen a military female wear her blues with the bridemaids!
This is your one time to request that others wear what you want. I agree, he will stand out in YOUR wedding pictures. I know he's proud and you are very grateful for his sacrifices, but I've also only seen grooms wear their military blues at their own weddings.
However, if FI is on board with his friend, I would strike a compromise like one of your poll options....ask him to wear the tux for the ceremony & pics and then give him the option to sport the military blues at the reception.
To me, if it's not a military wedding, he should wear the same thing as the groomsmen, which in this case is a tux. Dress blues are a wonderful uniform---I love it when my husband wears his! But dress blues draw a lot of attention, especially from people that aren't familiar with the military. They swarm the soldier and ask a ton of questions; he'll get a lot of attention.
Not that this is inherently bad; soldiers do a lot for this country to protect our freedoms. But it's a wedding and the focus is on the bride and groom, not the BM and what he has accomplished (which I do respect). That's just my opinion.
I have the opposite problem! My FI is a former Marine and I wanted him to wear his but he doesn't want to. We compromised and he will wear them for our introduction to the reception followed by our first dance and then change. Maybe that way you wouldn't have to worry about his blues clashing with the bridal party outfits since it will be just the two of you?
@OnceUponATime: There's a time and a place for these things. If you want him to wear a tuxedo then he should wear a tuxedo. I work with the military and if we go to a meeting at a civilian office, sometimes military personnel are required to wear civilian clothing. It's not a bad thing if they aren't in uniform. It's just appropriate for that time. So, he should be open to doing whatever you desire. It's your day.
@Chrysoberyl: Yes, yes, and YES!
@OnceUponATime: If he had a say in the girl's colors then you definitely get a say too and the answer is NO!
I love hearing your thoughts! Thank you everyone!
@Iloveyourlovethemost: I'm not sure I follow what you're suggesting.
He's not the groom, so why would he be allowed to wear his dress blues?! It's not his wedding! He wears what you tell him to wear!
That being said, I think that the compromise of wearing a tux for the ceremony and dress blues at the reception is nice. If you're okay with that, he may like it too. But there's no way in heck I'd let a man wear whatever he wanted to my ceremony, distinguished military shooter or not.
I would say let him wear it. I understand that this is your wedding, but I think it is a great honor to you to have a soldier in your bridal party. This uniform is tied to his identity. He will not outshine the groom. The fact that your FI wants him to is enough to say that you should go with it.
It isn't about how "proud" he is to where the uniform. It isn't his day. It isn't about him. A wedding isn't about celebrating military service, it's about celebrating the bride and groom!
I bet you his though process went like this: "Hmm, if I wear my dress blues, I don't have to pay for a tux rental! Awesome". I seriously doubt he sat there and had a long internal thought process concerning how much he would stand out, how proud he is to wear the uniform, etc.
FH's brother is (hopefully) his best man, and wants to wear his blues, I told him no, it will clash, I don't want to be upset at my pictures.. He is ok with that.
@Iloveyourlovethemost: Ohhh! Ok. That makes sense :) I'm glad he compromised with you though!
@crayfish: lol! I would venture to guess that was a major thought of the best man. Plus I think he likes to show off. It suits his personality. He wants attention. And he wants laid. haha. My apologies if it's a little blunt, but it's just how he is!
@strawbabies: Good point. When have you EVER seen this!
I actually voted that he be able to wear it because I think that as a military service member he should be able to show that with pride and that respect should be shown to anyone in the military. However I guess I also agree that it isn't really his day to show pride, it's yours and your fiances... I'm torn.
Also it wouldn't look like @strawbabies example since the guys are wearing dark suits and the dress blues are navy. But it was still amusing!
@MsJ2theZ: That's why I'm torn too! Then I think that policemen, firemen, and other service personnel don't wear their uniforms. Maybe that makes a difference? I don't know..
@lh526: Military dress uniforms are totally different than "work clothes" or nursing scrubs.
OP, I'd make the compromise with your FI. He wants his best man to wear the dress blues, I'd let him. Yes, you'll have the photos forever, but making your FI happier matters more.
@MsJ2theZ: Yeah, but it wouldn't work with this either.
If your future hubby would like for him to, I say let him. I understand how you feel about pictures, but honestly, the ones you have in your home will be of you and hubby and probably not of the whole wedding party...
Regardless of one's feelings on the appropriateness of the military uniform when the wearer is not the groom, OP, I think your DH gets to decide on the mens' wear just like you decided on the ladies'.
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