Ok, so here’s my dilemma.
The best man in our wedding is in the army. In fact, he’s one of the best shooters in the US, and was [this close] to representing the US in the Olympics (he choked at the finals).
Although I’m very proud of what he does and has accomplished, I would prefer he didn’t wear his dress blues for the ceremony and photos. Our groomsmen will be wearing black with navy, and the bridesmaids will be wearing navy blue as well. I worry like he will stand out more than my groom (and everyone else for that matter), because, well.. he will.
FI wants him to wear it, and the BM was bummed his sister would not let him wear it at her wedding this summer.
Is it selfish of me to want him to look like the other groomsman? What do I do? Please help
Side note: My brother is also a Staff Sergeant in the Air Force. He’s a groomsman as well, but he will not be wearing his blues.
@OnceUponATime: That’s something you wear at your OWN wedding. Sorry but no.
ETA: It’s not selfish at all! In my opinion, it’s almost a weird question.
“Hey man I know it’s your wedding, but can I wear something to stand out? All of you guys are wearing tuxes and I want to look special.”
Um no! His sister didn’t want him to wear it at her wedding either, probably for the same reason! How would he feel if someone did that to him at his wedding? It’s like having one bridesmaid wear a bright red dress and the rest having a muted champagne. It doesn’t make any sense.
I think if he is a groomsmen you need to let your FI decide.
Yah, I get your concern. Tell him you would please want him to match for the ceremony and pics but he can wear whatever he wants for the reception (I wouldn’t bother changing if I were him, but whatever).
Listen, I know its YOUR wedding, but I’m torn. This man is a hero. All service members are. They risk their lives to defend us, so part of me says to not even question tradition. Can you imagine how proud he is to wear that uniform?
However, I totally understand the thought that he *might* stand out more than your FI. But everyone is going to know who the groom is. Nothing, and I mean nothing (short of a midget streaker waving around a burning baton) is going to take anyone’s attention away from the two of you.
My friend, who is getting married in June, isnt letting her FI wear his dress blues. He’s heartbroken. She did this because all the groomsmen are in different branches of the military, which would result in a whole bunch of outfits. Do I agree with her? Not in the least. But hey, it’s not my wedding.
I always thought you wore it if you were the groom, but not a groomsmen (unless they all were). Honestly, I think he should match everyone else.
@BlondeBee: I feel like he can proudly wear it at his own wedding. I love when men do that! Or if all the groomsmen wear their uniforms.
But to have just one groomsman seems weird. Especially when the groom isn’t wearing it.
Maybe if it was a “groom and best man” thing that would work, but the groom isn’t going to. So.. Ack I just need some sort of matching!! Hahaha
@OnceUponATime: I think as the bride, you have the right to ask your bridal party to wear the attire you choose. Do the other men in the party wear whatever they want? No… They wear what it is they are asked to wear in order to unify the group.
I would sort of set aside some time to tell him how you feel… tell him you are proud of him and all he’s done and accomplished but that it is an occassion where its about a different focus… Note that your brother won’t be wearing his either for the same reasons.
If he’s really that into the blues, I’d allow him to change if he wanted to… I just think that’s kinda extreme and if it were me, I’d stay in the tux that set me apart as one of the wedding party – an honor! – as opposed to the different honor of being a serviceman… its kinda about appropriate focus for me… and its only one day.
My DH was in the military, so were 3/5 groomsmen. But there was a look we wanted, so the men rented the tuxes. There a lot of opportunities for them to wear dress blues if they choose, this is your one day. If your DH is insistant- then let it go. Luckily none of our guys minded.
if your FI is not wearing blues, is he even in the military? then i dont think the groomsman should wear them. He will just look odd standing out especially if your FI is wearing a tux
I am also from the camp that thought the only person who wears their uniform at the wedding is the groom, not groomsmen.
He may have been bummed about the other wedding, because it is his family, but I’m sure he will understand at your wedding.
I would ask him to wear the tux for ceremony and pictures, and then he can change if he wants to.
I don’t understand why it would be necessary. I wouldn’t wear my works clothes as a bridesmaid.
As I see it, the tux is the uniform of the men in the bridal party. They’re all wearing them, so he should too.
@OnceUponATime: FI wants him to wear it
Well, if your FI wants his BM to wear his blues, then that’s what should happen. Did your FI get a say in what your girls wore? You can give your opinion, but I think it should be up to your FI – afterall it is his wedding too!
Honestly though, it’s not like he will take any attention away from you or your FI. Sure people will notice, but they will be like “Oh awesome, he serves in the army,” and then go right back to talking about you and your FI.