Post # 1
I have always hated the idea of registries because it seems like someone making a wishlist for someone else to pay for. But, I would prefer not to get any gifts because my bf and I are pretty financially well-off (him much more so than me). I don’t like the idea, in hard economic times, for people who have less than us to buy us gifts. We are not material people (eg: my wedding budget of 10-15K)…But, still I know that people will want to give us something and I have mixed feelings about that. Should I do something like state on the invite, in lieu of gifts, please donate money to _____________ charity? Or is there a way to formally state, thanks but no thanks on the gifts? Or, how about I say – bring a chamapgne for the toast? That way they won’t feel they are coming empty handed but they will get to enjoy their own gift?
Post # 3
In my opion, there really isn’t a good way of mentioning gifts on the invite. You could direct them to your wedding website where you could mention that you would rather they donate to your favorite charity in lieu of giving you a gift. I think if you don’t register and spread the word that you would rather not recieve gifts, you should be alright.
Post # 4
I have heard for people requesting donations instead of gifts. If you ask them to bring champagne, you might end up with a ton of champagne so I’m not sure how that works.
Post # 5
I would just ask your wedding party or close family to spread the word that you would do donations instead of gifts. I would do it formally on the invite because 1. you shouldn’t mention gifts on the invite and 2. if someone did show up with a gift they might be upset.
Post # 6
My sister-in-law’s sister did that. They added a separate card, like one for directions, in the invitation requesting donations be made to specific charities and organiztions in place of gift. It was impressive, thoughtful, and if we weren’t so poor, I would be honored to do such a thing. I think its wonderful.
Don’t say no thanks for a gift, because some people like to give gifts and that would insult them.
“X and Y request that your generous gifts are given in form of a donation to ____ charties to share their joy with others more in need”
Post # 7
We are going through the exact same thing…we are both older and established (again, him more-so than me) and really don’t need or want for anything…
I don’t have a wedding website either as most of our guests are older and not really saavy when it comes to that stuff…My mom is kind of freaking out because of it and she thinks we should put something on the invites — which I totally disagree with….I like the idea of a separate card enclosed…….hmmmmm…..
Post # 8
Are you having a shower? I feel like that is a more appropraite time to discuss gifts than your actual wedding invitation. If not a shower how about an engagement party? You can do a “thank you for coming and supporting us” speech and say how you support _____ charity and in lieu of traditional gifts, you ask for your guest to support the charity as well.
Just my two-cents but I’m sure not the ideal option.
Post # 9
I’ve always liked the line, “Your presence is our present” or “The pleasure of your presence is gift enough”, and so on. I think it’s a lovely idea.
Post # 10
I am so happy to see this topic discussed! My fiance and I are both early thirties and neither of us are really comfortable with the registry route! A friend of mine had similar concerns, and figured out a solution. They did have a small registry at someplace like Target, and it was all fun, lower-priced items like board games and patterned shower curtains. They also had something set up so a purchase from their registry would trigger a donation to their favorite charity from the retailer. I thought it was thoughtful and yet practical–since some people really, really, really want to get you a gift! 🙂
Post # 11
People will buy you gifts because that is what they do at weddings. You cannot tell anyone not to buy you anything as that is rude. If you don’t register, then you will receive a ton of gifts you don’t want and cannot return anywhere. If you don’t want traditional household items, and there isn’t anything you want that you wouldn’t buy for yourself or that needs to be replaced, then register for fun stuff that you and your fiance will enjoy in your everyday lives. What are your hobbies and interests? Also, do not automatically assume, despite what many people will tell you, that if you don’t register that your guests will give you cash or not purchase anything. Despite the responses online, many people do not give cash gifts for any reason. Whatever you do receive, you accept graciously with a prompt thank you.
Post # 12
My fiance and I are also in this situation. We are in our mid-thirties, financially secure, and have spent the last six months combining households and getting RID of things that we don’t need. We just don’t want to add to that mix with additional gifts. SO, we went the route of mentioning our wedding website on a separate card in our invitation pocket and stating on the website that we are not accepting gifts (perhaps that’s rude, but so be it) but should anyone like to donate to their favorite charity in our name, we would welcome it. We have also had a few family members offer to help us with small wedding expenses in lieu of a gift, which we graciously accepted. Our wedding is very small, just family and good friends, so I’m pretty sure they love us enough not to be too offended by our desire to save them some money on gifts that we don’t need. I’m sure your guests would feel the same.
Post # 13
I’m pretty much on the same boat as you are. FI and I are strongly against registries and share your same sentiments on the whole matter. FI and myself don’t want or need anything and are not the kind of people that are comfortable accepting gifts in general (although when we do get them we’re very appreciative).
I always felt that the whole concept of getting wedding gifts apply to more traditional examples of marriage from back in the day… when the couple truly didsn’t live together before getting married. The newly weds needed all sorts of things for their house to start their new life together. I just don’t feel this applies to my situation b/c me and FI already live together and have everything we could possibly need in our life. Just my thoughts on the matter.
We’re doing something similar to namarie… we’re mentioning our wedding website on the invites (most people know about the site b/c we have over 600 views already and listed it on our STD’s). On the website we have a Registry/Gifts page where we are kindly mentioning to our guests that their presence at our wedding is a gift in itself. For those who insist on giving us something we want them to give us Kiva gift certificate (I’m a big fan of Kiva). We’re also mentioning that any re-payment in funds will absolutely be re-invested as we don’t want the money to get back to us.
What you could do is you and FI each pick out a favorite charity and ask people to chose one to donate to. It’s kind of fun that way as well.
Post # 14
Thanks everyone for the ideas!!!