(Closed) I don’t want this B to come to my wedding ughh

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

She’s his mother, if he wants her there I think you ought to let her come.

Post # 4
Member
3539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

From previous posts I wouldnt.. b to the itch… however Im a big fan of the group hug, why dont we all get along type? so its a tough one. I could see myself giving in and just ignoring her at the both the ceremony and the reception. Sometimes fighting the battle is just too hard… and being silent can be a winner.

 

 

Post # 5
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Sorry, but I agree with lynnabby. You say “I just want one day to myself and my fiance”; I wouldn’t put your wedding into that category. Of course you have to invite her, she’s his mother.

Post # 6
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

Just went back to your other post and read it but still think you should invite her, it’s his mom.  I feel like you’ll just completely isolate your FI from his family, and even if you feel that they suck, that’s a really rough thing to do to someone. 

Post # 7
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If I were in your position, I would feel the exact same way. However, as other ladies have already mentioned, she is his mother. It is not fair to make him choose between you and his family, even if she has been a P.I.T.A. Just respect his wishes and try to avoid her on your big day… it will be about you and your FH, so do not let it become about her.

Sorry for your difficult situation 🙁 Good luck.

Post # 9
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If you are that bothered by her, you have no responsibility to have a relationship with her, especially since it appears that you have already really tried to do so. It takes two, and if she isn’t willing to meet you half way, there is really very little point in continuing to try.

However, as a wife it IS your responsibility to let your husband continue to be his own person. It isn’t fair to him to alienate him from the rest of the family. It is completely understandable why you want to distance yourself from them, but they are a big part of his life and that is a huge thing to ask someone to give up. Try not to think of it as her getting her way, but rather as you respecting and loving your FH and realizing that family is important to him. I know it must be difficult, but try to make this more about your relationship with your future husband than it is about your evil FMIL getting her way again. It will be easier to swallow that way, I think 🙂

Post # 10
Member
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I haven’t read all the way through, but it’s your future husband’s mother.  Not only do you have to invite her to the wedding, you have to have some sort of relationship with her.  I would take the high road and act as mature as possible, keeping your interaction to a minimum.  If she picks a fight or talks behind her back, just let it go.  Don’t let her cause problems in your relationship with your FI.

Post # 11
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

Completely agree with Neato anedo.

And while it does seem like her behavior is on the very immature side, not everything she does might be a slight.  My hubs family didn’t call us on Easter, he tried to call them and they didn’t answer or call back or get in touch until a couple days later.  They weren’t irritated with us or anything though.

Post # 13
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I’ve read your other posts and as someone who can not stand her MIL you need to A. Learn to have some kind of a relationship with her or B. Look for a new fiance.

  I learned a hard lesson over the past six years- not to let my mother in law manipulate us. My husband and I both enabled her and it almost destroyed our marriage.

  If you join forces with your husband and learn to say “Mom.. this is the way it is..” life gets so much easier. If she keeps at it a simple, “Lets move on and have a good time” usually works.

   Don’t expect anything from her emotionally or financially (or allow her to financially contribute for fear of her pulling out)- but learn to have some kind of a relationship with her. She is his mother and she’s in his life. Also, don’t say anything negative about her in real life or talk about her.Having a cordial relationship with her is key- you don’t have to love her.

  It sucks, but you have to be the bigger person and learn to control the situation in a gentle way. If my MIL doesn’t accept my answer I refer her to my husband who is gentle but slightly more stern.

P.S. Never confront your MIL yourself- it only gives her more ammunition to not like you. Your husband should say something to her face to face i.e. “Mom, [insert name here] told my wife you thought I was stupid to get her pregnant. Maybe she misinterpreted your words, but I will not tolerate anyone talking about my soon to be wife and child like that. Hearing that really hurt both our feelings.”

Post # 15
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

it’s his mom, I think you have to invite her.  Unless of course she abused him as a child or something.  Or is a murderer.  But I don’t know what your previous posts are about.  However, a wedding is about family and you should invite his mom.

The topic ‘I don’t want this B to come to my wedding ughh’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors