Post # 1
This whole thing is just getting ridiculous. FI and I are doing this wedding on our own, which I thought meant we had full say as to what happens at our wedding. Even though I have 2 children we decided to have a child free wedding. My girls will be there, enjoy some of the reception and then a babysitter will take them to a room so they can go to bed (I’m getting married at a plantation so they’ll be on the grounds). We just felt with all the stress of wedding planning we just wanted the reception to be a big party and not have to worry about being parents. We rented a plantation for the weekend and our bridal party will have a room for Fri and Sat night. We thought this was a great present and everyone seemed excited. In our bridal party 4 people have kids, my sister, FI’s best man and a mutual couple. Best man and the couple are fine with giving up their kids for the weekend and are looking forward to it. My sister is pissed. She talked to my mom about it and told her my want for an adult only wedding was ‘ridiculous’. Number 1 again, my wedding my choice, number 2 To add kids in my family would add about 30 guests and I only have a certain number of guests allowed. What really pisses me off though is her reason for being upset. It’s because her bf of 8 months has 2 kids who won’t be able to attend. I am 26, my sister is 42. This is the second time she has done this. She started dating someone who had a kid and forced everyone to accept that child as family. My sister lives a few states away and has 3 kids of her own. We barely see them so to throw in these new people is tiring. I want to spend time with my sister and nieces and nephew, not strangers. So she figured everyone could crash at the plantation for the entire weekend and is beyond upset it isn’t alllowed now. I thought it would be nice to have Fri night and Sat to hang out and have fun. Not be awkward. My sister and her 2 daughters are in the wedding and I’m scared she’ll be so upset she’ll pull everyone out. I was giving her a plus one for her bf but I’m drawing the line at the kids. Am I wrong? If she continues to be upset I was thinking of asking if she would just be more comfortable as a guest. Sorry so long, this is just draining.
Post # 3
No, you are not wrong. Like you said, this is YOUR wedding. I would just ask her to be a guest, but make sure that she understands that it still means NO KIDS.
Post # 4
Honestly, I say do it however you want and dont worry about anyone else. Its YOUR wedding, YOUR choice. DO NOT let petty comments and behaviors of others make you hate being a bride. This is a special time and you deserve to enjoy it. I get that its your sister but still, she is 20 years older than you, she needs to grow up and get over it. I think the plantation is a wonderful idea!
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
@vorpalette: +1. I don’t see that it’s so important the the children of her boyfriend of 8 months have to be there
Post # 6
@ShutterbugCait: Unfortunately you’re never going to be able to please everyone, that’s just life. Like the other bees have stated it’s your wedding do what makes you happy. I’m also having a kid free wedding, who wants kids running around wildly in the middle of the reception? I don’t that’s for sure. Screw what everyone thinks and just do you. Good luck
Post # 7
If the fact that you are perfectly okay with not having your children at the wedding is not enough to produce a similar decision by a guest, then what is?
Don’t let this stress get to you. Don’t say that you don’t want to be a bride anymore.
Post # 8
Do what you want girl, it is your wedding! I am not having children at my wedding either and if anyone suggested otherwise I would be just as upset as you.
Post # 9
Kids don’t even belong at weddings. Stay strong.
Post # 10
@ShutterbugCait: You are NOT wrong. Don’t let your sister’s piss poor attitude ruin things for you. The chips will fall where they may in terms of her affect on your guest count, but remember that even if she pulls out (and pulls others with her) you don’t want someone with a nasty attitude to be at your wedding, anyway.
Lots of hugs
Post # 11
why the F do her boyfriends kids need to be there? I’m assuming they have a mother that can watch them…?
Post # 12
You are well within your rights to want a child free wedding. I know it’s a whole big debate, but I think it’s fine. So, in that regard, I think it is okay that you say that her boyfriend’s kids aren’t invited. But I also could understand if she decides she can’t come if those are the requirements. This is really complicated by the fact that her kids are invited (since they’re in the wedding) but his kids are not. I don’t know how serious they are, but my dad and step mom got married within a couple months of starting dating and they would have never brough some of us kids to an event if they had to leave the others behind. Steps are hard enough when you’re trying to bring a family together and make it feel like one family. I’m not saying they are, or should be, that serious, but it’s something to think about.
This situation is also more complicated because it sounds like you want his kids to not only not attend the wedding, but not attend the entire weekend. What about another babysitter that could watch his kids during the wedding but they could still be around during the weekend? I don’t know if that would be any better for your sister, but maybe a possibility?
In the end I think you are well within your rights to stick to your no kids except those that are in the wedding party policy. But it is also in her right to say she can’t do that. So no real easy answer. Hope it works out.
Post # 13
Thanks for the support bees! I am just so bad at confrontation and being the baby in my family I was always ignored and left out so with my wedding I really want what I want for once and want people to listen and respect that. I’m begining to see what a fight that will be. 🙁
@MrsWBS: Apparently my mom asked the same question and she BLEW up. She said that wasn’t the point and his kids were her kids and we need to accept that and treat them as such. Plus they would be missing school for a wedding to a person they don’t even know, to be put in a crowd of people they don’t know with no other kids. I’m not sure what her issue is.
Post # 14
His kids probably don’t even want to come. Honestly, if my moms boyfriends brother was getting married, I wouldn’t give two shits…just being honest.
Post # 15
First, I am so sorry that you don’t feel like being a bride right now. That makes me really sad. I also must say that, since you and your fiance are paying for everything-it should be done exactly how you two want it; it should be everything you hoped for. Families are very tricky, as I’ve learned.
Personally, I don’t feel like the boyfriend’s kids have a right to be there… But, if you are considering compromising, maybe they could be at part of the reception and stay with your children’s babysitter?
Overall though, I truly don’t think you’re wrong for being upset. I feel like your sister should reevaluate her situation, because it is your day. And, I feel like for this one day/weekend it should be about what you want. The details of your wedding sound fabulous and it should be what you want!! I’d love to hear what you decide to do :).
Post # 16
@ShutterbugCait: oh god your sister sounds like a real treat. stick to your guns they do NOT need to be there! I’ll take the his kids are her kids argument when her and her bf are married and she’s the official step mom. Until then, no thanks! She needs to get a life, stop being a sisterzilla and respect your wishes.