Post # 1
I’m sitting here crying right now. My MOH has completely fucked up my shower invitations and now they are going out way too late. This is the last in a long line of f*** ups and hurtful things. She doesn’t give a f*** and hasn’t given one this entire time. She also fought with my mother who I don’t get along with great to begin with. I just can’t f***ing do it any more I want this whole thing to just be over. I’m done. I just want to be married. I don’t want this stupid wedding that has grown exponentially into this monster I can’t control. I hate my own wedding. It has turned me into this completely stressed out person I don’t even recognize. I seriously want to call it off. I don’t know what to do. Just swallow all the deposits and tell people we decided to elope? Somehow pay my parents back? I don’t know. I feel sick right now. It’s not cold feet I want to get married, I just don’t want this wedding. Am I just freaking out? Have other ppl felt this way?
Post # 3
If it helps, let me share that my FI’s parents (actually, all but one person in his family) isn’t talking to us right now because of a choice we’re making about our marriage. And the sad part is, it’s almost an improvement when it comes to wedding planning, because now our choices (all assumed to be MY choices) aren’t constantly being belittled, criticized and shot down just for sport.
This brings out the worst in people. If it’s worth it to you (it’s worth it to my FI, so it’s worth it to me) just remember that, and that this time will pass. It’s not always going to be like this, so try not to make permanent solutions to temporary problems. Eloping is wonderful if that’s what you really want, but if you really wanted a wedding and you cancel because others are being jerks, you’re probably going to carry that around forever.
BTW…we’re not having a traditional shower at all, and barely anyone has cared (except for aforementioned critical in-laws). So honestly I doubt anyone will notice your shower invites being “late”…as long as they come before the wedding 😉 Hang in there.
Post # 4
@whammy: thanks hon, I know I’m just freaking out, this wedding stuff definitely brings out the ugly in ppl. I’m not so much stressing about them being late for etiquette reasons or anything (not super important to me haha) it’s just that I’m worried people aren’t going to have enough heads up to schedule for it. Most of my friends have kids, so that means babysitters and everything else… I think she has just let me down so many times already and I’m just kind of heartbroken. I’m emotionally exhausted. I’m sorry you are having a hard time w his family, I can definitely relate on inlaw problems. Thanks for listening to me vent 🙂
Post # 5
Okay first…. take a walk, eat some chocolate, take a bath or drink a glass of wine to calm yourself down…
I just went and read some of your posts and you are going through A LOT right now….. breathe!
Wedding planning SUCKS. I am sure there are some brides who do it all with grace and style and ease but most of us are not them. It is stressful, it is overwhelming and unless you are a professional party planner, a lot of it is new. Give yourself a break.
Remember that things will go wrong, that is a given. First of all no one will care or notice them as much as you do…. people obviously just are not as invested in your wedding as you are. Second….. trust me, my wedding was over a year ago, and I look back like every other bride and think… why did I try to make 150 cloth roses, why did I have sleepless nights because I was worried the DJ would play Party in the USA, what was even served at the rehearsal dinner, honestly can’t remember.
About your MOH… mine was my best friend and she SUCKED. She did not a signle thing and I do mean nothing. No shower… nada. She was cross country and broke etc. The day of my wedding she had personal issues (granted they were huge) that took the focus off of my because my other girls were worried about her. My SIL ended up doing everything for me that day…. Oh well! I still LOVE her to death, and her friendship was worth looking the other way.
Weh you calm down… evaluate your friendship with her… NOT when you are upset. If it is worth it, then LET IT GO. If as you say, you think she may be sabbotaging (sp) your wedding or you are in different places in life, then let the friendship go!
Post # 6
You shouldn’t hate your wedding!
Figure out whatever you don’t like about it, and change it!
We didn’t like the huge guest list. So we cut it down to 40 people, and decided to have a luncheon followed by clubbing that night!
I went from being apathetic about it to being SO EXCITED about the wedding!
Post # 7
relax calm down and if all else fails drink a glass of wine
Post # 8
We’re getting married in July and have not planned one.single.thing besides Catholic marriage preparation and the church. We’ll be finished with all of it besides planning the ceremony tomorrow! Yay!
I started to do some planning, but I became very upset because we just cannot afford to have the kind of (very modest) party and honeymoon we’d like to celebrate our wedding. And we have ten billion things going on at the moment. So, if we plan a party, it will likely be last minute. We’ll likely go away somewhere within driving distance for a few days.
Once I got over the idea of doing it everybody else’s way and took the unnecessary stuff off the table, I became much less stressed and happy 😉 And you know what? It will be awesome and so will yours, no matter what you decide. Do what is right for you, step back and get a little perspective.
Why not do an Evite for the shower? That takes two minutes.
Post # 9
@Weetzie: Since you are this close to a wedding I probably will not say “screw it, stop the wedding machine.”
But seriously, beginning today, you can step back and do only the minimum. Everything that you do is a choice. Remember that.
If you have the basics done such as groom, dress, officiant, that’s done. The after-party is whatever you choose to do and that is entirely optional. Nothing is obligatory, no one says that you’ve got to touch and reveiw every decision.
If you have paid for a venue and caterer, let it go. Let the pros take care of stuff. Just show up dressed for the party.
You know it really CAN be that simple. And showers and the like? Lots of trouble, let it go. No one needs the craploads of stuff that come at these things.
Post # 10
I completely understand how you feel!! I got soo stressed during my planning and cried a lot towards the end! Everyone kelp making changes and demands and not doing what they said they’d do etc! It was so stressful. If it’s any help I had an amazing day in the end!! 🙂 It was just a rough stage of planning and I hated it too. People are so weird around weddings. I also had bridesmaid/hen do issues and was let down badly and planned a lot of it myself in the end so I know how much it hurts.
Try to focus on the fact you’ll be married soon and it will be over 🙂
Post # 11
@Weetzie: I skimmed your otehr posts. Your MOH didn’t “order” invitations in time? I think you have pretty high expectations. And while that’s fine and you can want what you want, I wonder why invitations from the grocery store or Walgreens are not acceptable. This just sounds ‘zilla, sorry.
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
I freaked out like this on Friday, I believe it was when my invitations were sent out with the wrong postage on it.
The best advice I got was laugh laugh and laugh … wedding mess ups happen and you will be laughing about them in the future. So calm down, have a glass of wine and the laugh. After this, youll see it really isnt that serious and there are many other ways to give people a heads up.
Post # 13
@FauxPas2012: my mother and I offered to take of the shower and invitations from jump, but she INSISTED on doing it herself. She has done nothing but fight me over every detail that has anything to with her. The invites we’re supposed to be out two weeks ago and they aren’t here yet. My mother has tried to step in several times to no avail. She is out right now picking up generic invites – I dont care about that!! It is a matter of her not caring and that’s what I’m upset about. I could really care less about the shower, but I do care that my ‘best friend’ doesn’t give a shit. I don’t think I’m asking too much. If that makes me a ‘bridezilla’ then I’ll be damned.
Post # 14
@Weetzie: I repeat: You can want what you want. That doesn’t make you a bad person.
Nor does that make the others who DON’T want what you want bad people.
I would bet that if you print off all of the threads you’ve started, put them away for ten years, and re-read them then, you would wonder: WTF did I care about that stuff for?
I do think that one major lesson from the WB site for rational people is that being appointed MOH comes with a potential minefield of expectations. It’s probably wiser in the long run to decline the role.
Post # 15
@FauxPas2012: you’ve been married what, 13 years? It’s easy to be judgmental when you aren’t in the the thick of planning a wedding. I highly doubt you were a ‘perfect’ bride. I come on here for a place to get rid of all the emotions I can’t do anything with in real life. I cant and dont talk to my friends and family about the things I talk about on here, that would be unfair to them and inappropriate. I bitch on here bc I can – it’s a safe place for me to get it all out and get over it. By calling me a bridezilla you DID insinuate that I was a bad person.
Post # 16
@Weetzie: ok, you are right, I apologize.
And I can see that the deal with your MOH is that she agreed to do something and then didn’t do it. That IS maddening on any level for anything.