Not sure what's gotten into me. Fiance's parents are helping with a big share of the cost (about 1/3) but have suddenly backed out of paying for wine, which they said they would. They did it in kind of a harsh way via e-mail, and I'm letting their attitude taint my experience. We've had many sleepless nights due to their wanting a huge guest list and knit-picking over the budget (i'm positive they could afford way more, but they are sort of alternative and I don't think they approve of us having a typical wedding instead of a hippie type one) One of the first things his dad said when we picked a wedding date was "do i have to wear a suit"
They have really made planning this into a nightmare.
We also wanted a small wedding-about 70, and it's now 115. I should be grateful since the parents are paying for all of it and let us invite all our friends, but I can't help but be nervous about meeting some strangers at the wedding. I think I'm stressed about being stressed!
Any tips to remain calm in the next week? I want to just elope on a mountain top or something!
Take a deep breath, and remember that nothing else matters as long as you're marrying your honey! I bet you anything that once your big day rolls around, you are going to be so consumed with excitement that none of the disagreements and nightmarish events and nervousness about meeting a few strangers will be in your mind at all. His parents are going to end up having a blast and they'll probably stop being so cynical and end up being so glad that you did it the way you did. Weddings do funny things to people, and as much as they make some strange personalities come out during the planning, they also make the most unlikely suspects overcome with emotion on the big day.
Although you're having more guests than you had originally hoped for, don't even think twice about having to meet any strangers at the wedding. You'll say a polite hello, thank them for coming, tell them you've heard so much about them, and move on to the next person 115 people isn't that bad, either -- we're inviting over 200 (GULP) which was what we wanted, but I'm sure the extra 45 people won't make your wedding feel like a circus. Your FILs just want to share their son's wedding day with the people they care about.
In terms of the wine, it sucks that they backed out, but take another deep breath, remind yourself that some people get no financial help with their weddings (I have to do this a lot when I find myself turning into a brat! Not that you're being a brat, you know what I mean....), find some inexpensive but delicious wine (like Trader Joe's Two Buck Chuck), pay for it on a credit card if you have to, and just let bygones be bygones. If you're concerned about the wine bottles being in the guests' line of sight and looking cheap, print out some fun personalized labels with your names, wedding date, and the flavor of wine that it is so no one will know what brand it is.
Remember that after all of this, the wedding will just be a memory, but you'll be with your man (and his family!) forever. Sometimes families are chalienging to deal with, but I'm sure that you all love each other and can come out of this having learned a lot about each other.
Don't worry about it. Everything will fall into place one way or another.
Just be excited that you're marrying a wonderful man, and many friends and family (who before your wedding came up were normalish, sane-ish people) want to be there to celebrate it with you. Even if they aren't excited about the way that you're donig it, I would guess that they are probably still happy for the two of you.
Like cupcake said, some families can be challenging to deal with, but in the end you'll come out better for it.
Just dwell on marrying your man, and don't worry about the details!
Know what I noticed, especially about dads? They have trouble admitting this is a little tough for them. My dad complained about having to dance with me, but I know it's because deep down he's a little emotional about it. That could be why he made that comment.
At this stage in the game, relax, enjoy being surrounded by friends and family, take Cupcake's advice about the wine, and get excited about starting forever with your guy!
ditto junebride's comment: both our fathers made a few odd comments, which was hard for me to understand at first, but it turns out it was just their nervousness. i guess we don't normally think of them as getting emotional, but they do!
Not sure what's gotten into me. Fiance's parents are helping with a big share of the cost (about 1/3) but have suddenly backed out of paying for wine, which they said they would. They did it in kind of a harsh way via e-mail, and I'm letting their attitude taint my experience. We've had many sleepless nights due to their wanting a huge guest list and knit-picking over the budget (i'm positive they could afford way more, but they are sort of alternative and I don't think they approve of us having a typical wedding instead of a hippie type one) One of the first things his dad said when we picked a wedding date was "do i have to wear a suit"
They have really made planning this into a nightmare.
We also wanted a small wedding-about 70, and it's now 115. I should be grateful since the parents are paying for all of it and let us invite all our friends, but I can't help but be nervous about meeting some strangers at the wedding. I think I'm stressed about being stressed!
Any tips to remain calm in the next week? I want to just elope on a mountain top or something!
posted by bklyngirl 56 posts 5 months agoTake a deep breath, and remember that nothing else matters as long as you're marrying your honey! I bet you anything that once your big day rolls around, you are going to be so consumed with excitement that none of the disagreements and nightmarish events and nervousness about meeting a few strangers will be in your mind at all. His parents are going to end up having a blast and they'll probably stop being so cynical and end up being so glad that you did it the way you did. Weddings do funny things to people, and as much as they make some strange personalities come out during the planning, they also make the most unlikely suspects overcome with emotion on the big day.
Although you're having more guests than you had originally hoped for, don't even think twice about having to meet any strangers at the wedding. You'll say a polite hello, thank them for coming, tell them you've heard so much about them, and move on to the next person
115 people isn't that bad, either -- we're inviting over 200 (GULP) which was what we wanted, but I'm sure the extra 45 people won't make your wedding feel like a circus. Your FILs just want to share their son's wedding day with the people they care about.
In terms of the wine, it sucks that they backed out, but take another deep breath, remind yourself that some people get no financial help with their weddings (I have to do this a lot when I find myself turning into a brat! Not that you're being a brat, you know what I mean....), find some inexpensive but delicious wine (like Trader Joe's Two Buck Chuck), pay for it on a credit card if you have to, and just let bygones be bygones. If you're concerned about the wine bottles being in the guests' line of sight and looking cheap, print out some fun personalized labels with your names, wedding date, and the flavor of wine that it is so no one will know what brand it is.
Remember that after all of this, the wedding will just be a memory, but you'll be with your man (and his family!) forever. Sometimes families are chalienging to deal with, but I'm sure that you all love each other and can come out of this having learned a lot about each other.
Good luck!!!!
posted by cupcake 274 posts 5 months agoDon't worry about it. Everything will fall into place one way or another.
Just be excited that you're marrying a wonderful man, and many friends and family (who before your wedding came up were normalish, sane-ish people) want to be there to celebrate it with you. Even if they aren't excited about the way that you're donig it, I would guess that they are probably still happy for the two of you.
Like cupcake said, some families can be challenging to deal with, but in the end you'll come out better for it.
Just dwell on marrying your man, and don't worry about the details!
posted by bethgraced 105 posts 5 months agoIt might be a nice time to meet some new people.....they'll probably all be telling you that you look beautiful!
Sorry about the rest....hang in there!
posted by maryalison 105 posts 5 months agoKnow what I noticed, especially about dads? They have trouble admitting this is a little tough for them. My dad complained about having to dance with me, but I know it's because deep down he's a little emotional about it. That could be why he made that comment.
At this stage in the game, relax, enjoy being surrounded by friends and family, take Cupcake's advice about the wine, and get excited about starting forever with your guy!
posted by JuneBride 13 posts 5 months agoditto junebride's comment: both our fathers made a few odd comments, which was hard for me to understand at first, but it turns out it was just their nervousness. i guess we don't normally think of them as getting emotional, but they do!
posted by staceyb 178 posts 5 months ago