I don't LOVE my setting…

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Well, clearly “we” didn’t decided on the first setting, “you” did and he didn’t agree with you. 

Only you know him best and how he might react to you rejecting the biggest, most thoughtful gift he’s ever given you (and in his eyes maybe the proposal that came with it). 

FWIW, a wedding band won’t sit flush with the setting you picked out, either.  A higher setting is more likely to accomodate that than one set lower.  Mine is sort of similar to the one you wanted and there is a gap between my engagement ring and wedding band.  The only way to avoid it was for me to get a thick shank on the engagement ring or to notch the wedding band, neither of which I wanted to do, so the gap is fine with me.

Post # 4
7923 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Merinda1994:  I think you could gently approach this one and get the diamond reset. its not like its a terribly expensive halo or pave setting and the setting is SO similar. To him it wont seem that different I wouldnt think.


What if you approach it from a practicality point of view: babe this ring is beautiful, but the setting it just so high I keep knocking it. I really dont want to damage the ring or myself and a lower setting would have the same look but be a lot safer and more functional. What do you think?


ETA: just so you know, a Tiffany setting (even an actual genuine artice T&C ring) doesnt sit flush with a standard wedding band unless its very very very thin. So if its the gap thing driving you nuts- make sure resetting would be the solution!

Also the other option is: just get a wedding band you are thrilled with and just let this one be, as the settings are so so similar.








Post # 8
46 posts
  • Wedding: September 2014

You Should be greatful with the ring that he got you. I am very self centered and everything has to go my way. I couldn’t imagine telling him i didn’t like my ring! It’s not just your feelings you have to worry about it’s time to think about him this time!Also marriage isn’t about the ring! i think so many brides these days are getting carried away with what the ring looks like and how big the diamond is to compare it to other peoples! WHO CARES PPL! Yes you have to live with it for the rest of your life but if your going to throw a mini tantrum about the ring not being just right..then maybe it’s not the ring your really unhappy with!


Post # 12
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Eh. I do get where you’re coming from, considering the conversation you had prior to him purchasing the ring, but really, it’s not like he got you a three-stone or a cluster or a halo setting. They’re very similar, and maybe if you give yourself some time to get used to it, you’ll come to love it as much as your dream ring. I wouldn’t replace the setting, at least not until after the wedding, but that’s just me.

Post # 13
46 posts
  • Wedding: September 2014

i did read your entire post and i still stand by my comment. But i still don’t understand if you are so grateful for your ring, why would you be complaing about how the side view looks? Yes it is a little different from the one you wanted, but it is nothing to complain about. If it was something totally different than what you wanted then yes i could understand mentioning it to him; but not over something so


Best of luck to you. 

Post # 14
5482 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Merinda1994:  FWIW I like the one your FI picked out better because it has an interesting detail to it, but I understand you dont. If it were me, I would just flat out explain that you hate the gap with a wedding band and you would please like to change just the setting (that you love the diamond he picked etc etc). Explain that it wont cost any additional money (assuming you can exchange the original setting) and that while you really liked it, there really wasnt any way he would have known about the wedding band issue and unfortunately that just has to be fixed. Good luck 🙂

Post # 15
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Seems like you could

1.  live with current ring and see if you grow to love it…might happen?

2. Bring it up in a calm way.  I think men don’t get the whole ring thing in general, and if your guy understood what you want from a functional standpoint (would work better with a band, etc) he would get it.  Or simply tell him you can’t wait to be his wife and are so greatful for his thoughtful ring, and you’d like to go back to the store together and pick a different setting. 

Good luck!

Post # 16
515 posts
Busy bee

@Merinda1994:  You are not coming off as spoiled or ungrateful. I would be disappointed too if my SO and I decided on one ring and then he bought another. I would just bring it up to your Fi that because the ring sits so high, it keeps getting caught on things and that you are afraid that one day you are going to lose the diamond. This was a HUGE purchase on his part so I feel like most guys would respond positively to you being responsible with their money than they would be if you just told him you didn’t like the setting. Does that make sense? this way, hopefully no feelings are hurt 🙂

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