Post # 1
…her hygiene is really bad. No really, I’m not kidding. She has issues with body odor that are so bad it would ruin the appetite of someone seated next to her. Here’s the bad part – This is a semi-distant relative whom we did not include on our original guest list because of this issue. I’m now starting to think about how TOTALLY obvious it will be because her mother and sister are both invited and will likely come.
What on EARTH am I going to do about this?!
Post # 3
Are you closer to the sister and mother? Are you closer to the mother than the daughter or vice versa and only invite the one you are closest too to avoid an obvious “only YOU are not invited”?
Post # 4
The mom and daughter who are invited actually live together (the sisters are both adults though) and are people I speak to on a regular basis. They live in a nearby town and we see them at family functions regularly. The one not invited isn’t very social and lives far away – so while it’s unlikely she would attend… I’m still nervous about it.
I’m not close enough with them however to discuss the issue.
Post # 5
Your wedding is still far off, have you sent out invitations yet? Is there any way you can not invite the whole family, or just invite the mother, so it looks like a generational thing rather than an individual thing?
Barring all that, can you have someone who is a little closer relation (like which ever one of your parents is related to her mother) put in a gentle word with her mother, who might then put in a gentle word with the smelly relative that this is an elegant affair, and that means she needs to be neat, clean, and dressy? If you do it that way, it’s less like saying “hey you smell and need to shower before our wedding” and more like saying “hey we’re putting the word out that this isn’t really a casual affair, and we want people to be dressed up and looking their best.”
I don’t know, that’s a tough one. I think it also depends WHY she’s so smelly. If it’s a physical medical issue then I feel sorry for her and she shouldn’t be excluded for that reason. If it’s an issue of mental illness or disability, then someone may just need to tell her flat out what she needs to do because she may not understand the issue. If it’s a matter of laziness? Well, as embarrassing as it is she may just need a wake up call.
Post # 6
oh, lots of questions… No, invites aren’t sent yet. Still have another two months before that, but I sent our save the dates (late, I know…) today and realized we left her off and how obvious that would be if she wasn’t invited but her entire family was.
For starters, she isn’t on my side of the fam. She is on the FI side – and when I say distant, she is a former step cousin (he still considers all of his step family his family). The daughter invited has two kids and one of them is my FI godson – and by godson I mean that in very loose terms, we hardly see him sadly. There is no delicate way around the inviting of them – and honestly, I want to invite them both. They are going to be my formerstepfamilyinlaw (just kidding! man, my fiance has a nutso family tree though!)
Non invited sister doesn’t have any type of disability, etc that would be the issue. If I had to describe her, I’d say she is ‘off’ as in, she isn’t like everyone else but not for any reason really. I have absolutely NO idea why she has this issue and it is sort of an unspoken thing… the elephant in the room. She also doesn’t shave (for what reason, I have no clue) which is why it appears to be a hygeine thing.
It IS a hard thing – and I don’t want to do the wrong thing either.
Post # 7
Hmm… She’s out of state right? Since she’s already a little anti-social, I say send her an invite (but no save the date) and hopefully the combo of not having a ton of time to make travel plans and not really wanting to go anyway will be enough to keep her away. If not, well you can always seat her with the rest of her family who are probably used to her smell 🙁
Post # 8
You don’t have to invite her. You’re inviting her sis cos she’ll be coming with the mom, right? Like, they’re not getting a plus one each, are they?
Post # 9
Maybe things have changed since you last saw her.
Post # 10
If she shows up sit her with her mother and sister and their family. They should be used to her smell and should have done/said something already.
Post # 11
You could seat her between the mother and the sister if you had to invite her.
Post # 12
Besides being thankful you don’t need to sit by her…. I’d sit her with her family – and do bathroom baskets that include perfume and deodorant 😉