Post # 1
The wedding is 103 days away.
FH and I have had a long engagement and I always figured that when we were this close, I would have everything done and have nothing to worry about. Because we had a long engagement though, I always thought I would have plenty of time to plan and so I put it off a while.
Suddenly, I’m 103 days out and I feel like I don’t have anything done. The big parts are done and paid for. I don’t have any music for the ceremony or the reception. I don’t have my centerpieces made. I don’t have any table linens. I don’t have any decor. I don’t have addresses. I don’t have the suits or anything for the groomsman. I don’t have any gifts for the bridal party or the parents.
I just don’t have the energy for this anymore. I’ve been doing everything alone and it’s starting to get to me. I’m not even sure I care about the wedding anymore. I just wish someone would offer to help, but mostly I just want this whole thing to be over with.
Post # 3
Do you have any close family members? Sisters, your mom? What about your MOH and BMs, can you ask them to give you a hand with certain things?
And what about your groom? Where is he in all of this? Why isn’t he helping out?
Post # 4
@futuremrsk18: No sisters. My mom has only recently sort of come around to being ok with the idea of FH and I getting married so she really isn’t helping (she did buy my dress and put down the deposit on our venue as a gift). My MOH never has the time to do anything. She recently got married herself. She printed off my invitations for me when my printer stopped working and she’s letting me borrow some of the things from her wedding, but trying to get together to work on anything is impossible. My other BM has been MIA for the last two months and she’s never been interested in helping me with anything wedding related (bad choice on my part). FH helps where he can, but he works nights and isn’t home that much.
So I’m basically stuck by myself.
Post # 5
@SouthernGirl: I’m right there with you girl.
Post # 6
Make a list.
Do whatever you can by phone.
Keep it simple when it comes to centerpieces.
Let the groom do the legwork re the groomsmen’s suits.
Ask us for ideas if you need help.
Post # 7
@SouthernGirl: then take a wedding break. You still have 3+ months. I agree to make a list, do all the things you absolutely HAVE to do RIGHT NOW. And then take a 2 week wedding break and don’t discuss anything wedding related and then get right back into it. And it will come really soon and be over really fast and then you’ll look back and miss it.
Post # 8
I like the idea of taking a short break. But during that break, how about watching My Fair Wedding or shows like it for inspiration and to get you back excited about planning. And keep it simple. If you need help with music editing or graphics/Photoshop, I can probably help a bit. Feel free to private message me.
Post # 9
@SouthernGirl: I clicked on your post because I’m also getting married in March and feeling pretty overwhelmed. I’ve purchased very little for decor so far, we haven’t made our day-of timeline, picked our ceremony music, picked out groom and groomsmen attire, bought my wedding band or any bridal accessories, picked gifts for bridal party or ordered our invitations yet.
However…I do have help when I ask for it. I sit down with my fiance every few weeks and we set little deadlines for the next handful of tasks. He takes on his share so it’s not all on me. I had to ask for that to happen though. I also have bridesmaids and my future mother-in-law to bounce ideas off of, and they will help once I start my DIY projects. Of course I end up spending more time on this than my fiance, but that’s because I care more and have a distinct vision for how I want everything to look.
If no one’s offered to help by now, they’re probably not going to. Have you asked your fiance for help? It’s his wedding too after all. And reach out to anyone else you’re close with. People can’t read your mind; they won’t know you want help until you ask. They’ll probably be happy to be included. When we don’t ask for what we need, we tend to become resentful, and that’s not good for anyone. Good luck!
Post # 10
@SouthernGirl: Don’t feel bad. My day is just over a month after yours and all I have done are written vows and invitation design. I haven’t even picked a dress or a wedding band. I’m having a super small wedding though, but still there are things to be done. I haven’t got a clue as to what we’ll be eating that day or how I might decorate. Or who will be marrying us. I also have no family to help.
I’ve just become sort or disinterested in the whole thing. Then, I’m sure, in February I’ll be freaking out. And I think it doesn’t help that three holidays show up right in the middle of planning time. FI’s answer to every question is “I don’t know anything about this stuff” Blah. The only advice I could give is maybe once you get started, determined to finish, get some momentum, maybe then you’ll get into it. Otherwise, at least know that you’re not alone.
Post # 11
Its ok, just breathe, I think a lot of people feel like you do right now. I know I do! If it makes you feel better I still have a lot of the same things to do too and I’m getting married 2 weeks after you. You aren’t alone. Like you, my big things are done… I thought I’d feel more relief about checking them off and while I do, now that its the little things I feel like I’m back at the beginning.
Send out a text for addresses one night while you’re watching tv, keep an address book handy and within an hour or 2 you’ll have almost everyone’s address written down. That’s what I did and it was way less stressful. As for your centerpieces, do you have bridesmaids? What if you host a potluck, have everyone bring a dish and some wine and get to work on them? This makes it less work, more fun. The groomsmen and groom stuff, I wish I could help there, but I’m in the exact same boat with my fiance… Men, so lazy, but you gotta love them. Gifts, I suggest getting a basic idea of what you want to give and head to etsy… they have so much stuff on there you’ll be done that in no time. Linens, if you’re buying them… wait until after Christmas, SALES!
Honestly though, just relax and try to keep having fun with the planning. I know its far easier said than done. Good luck and when you need to vent, come on back here, we’ll always listen and remind you that you aren’t alone. Someone on here is always going through what you are.
Post # 12
I think we all feel that way at one time or another. I’m 40 days out and I still feel way too behind. Is there anyone you go to for help? My BM’s are helping with various things and I’ve also been giving FI a to-do list every week.
Post # 13
I’m on my phone and can’t reply directly to everyone but I have been making lists. Some of the things on the list were easy to check off and get done, but like TKG, I am back to square one with all the small things. As far as help, I have asked. My mom says that she doesn’t know what she can do to help, but when I ask her about a specific task, like helping me pick music, she just says that it’s our wedding and we can do what we want. As far as my MOH, she’s always so busy that it’s hard. I’ve asked her to help with two things, helping make flowers and printing of some little maps to put in the invitations. So far, we’ve only been able to get together one time. But I understand. She just got married, she and her husband are trying to work out another custody agreement for his daughter and she’s also working on my shower. I’m thankful that she has been able to help me the one time. My other bridesmaid didn’t talk to me for 2 months and she’s never really been interested in helping out with the wedding. I can’t even get her to find a dress. I knew all of this when I asked her, but I also didn’t expect that I would need so much help. I’ve always been the type of person to do things myself. FH helps where he can. He’s picked a few songs he’d like to have played at the reception, he helped with the menu and he also helped me fold some paper for the flowers. He doesn’t know anything about decor or anything like that, so while he offers to help, he’s kind of clueless. Not to mention the fact that he’s working a lot of 12 hour shifts and going to school, so he barely has any time to do what he needs to do. I know that after the holidays he will have more free time.
I feel like I have done really well about not getting overwhelmed until now. I was on a roll for a few months getting everything done, and then I was here, freaking out about everything.
Post # 14
I just wanted to say to hang in there. Im wondering if you have a lot of other things going on in your life right now? I was EXTREMELY busy up until recently and wedding planning became the biggest chore! Which is crazy to me, because I was so excited and had been dreaming about the planning for the longest time. I didnt think Id get to that point but all the desicion making was not as fun as I anticipated.
All your work will be worth it. You get to marry your future hubby. At the end of the day thats all that really matters. Maybe your BMs dont need gifts? After all they havent been super helpful in the process.
It might be more help if you’re extremely direct about what you need help with. Tell her to pick out five songs she really likes for your wedding and that would be meaningful to her about love or whatever, and go from there.
Post # 15
My mom gave me a beautiful wedding planner book. I re-gifted it after my wedding to a newly engaged friend because I never wrote in it, LOL. I bought a dress right off the bat and then we procrastinated so long and planning whole wedding in 2 months. Got darling invited from Minted. did not get wrapped up in crafts, favors, or a million tiny details. Booked a great caterer, flowers bought at wholesale market and arranged by my family, booked live music, bought keg beer from a craft brewery, wine from a wholesaler, had a killer maintai recipe, used my inlaws beautiful back yard with lots of party lights -candies-torches, chartered a party bus to import the guests. It was a huge success without too much stress, spent under $15k including a 2 week trip to Italy. I could not IMAGINE spending a year planning a wedding and I truly understand your fatigue.
Post # 16
^^^^oh, and PS….we did not have a wedding party and for some crazy reason I think that further cut down the stress. No bridal shower, either.