Weddingbee boards

We've had to call off the wedding we had planned in my FIs home town in New Zealand.  We'll be getting married in the US instead.

I know it is important for my FI to have his immediate family there - parents, brother, and sister and their families.  Our original wedding date is April 10, 2010 and my FI wants us to consider pushing back to Sept or Oct so his family has more time to save money.  He wants to pay for 1/2 of their airfare.  I'd be fine paying for all of their airfare b/c we have the money but he doesn't want us to. But what I don't think I'm fine with is postponing.   

The main reason for all of this is his sister - she and her husband are very finacially irresponsible and that is why he does not want to let us just pay for everything.  He thinks she is going to learn to be responsible by saving up - I don't think that is a good reason to postpone, I'm sorry - we could just foot the bill.  I don't want to teach anyone a lesson with my wedding!

I haven't told him this yet and I don't know how to. I feel selfish and awful but what can I do?? 

It's not unreasonable to not want to put off your wedding for something that may (or likely will not) benefit his irresponsible adult sister.  Why doesn't he just talk to her instead of 'trying to teach her a lesson.'

I don't think that you are being selfish at all by not wanting to postpone your wedding. I would be sure to listen to your FI's concerns about having all of his family in the US to celebrate with you. It definitely is not your job to teach his sister how to save, but I would be careful how you approach your FI with that. Good luck!!!

Thanks guys.  Well, I decided to talk to him.  We came to the decision that we would talk to his family about trying to come in April, and to help we would pay for a substantial chunk of the costs.  Hopefully this will help them.  His parents have the money saved and are committed to coming no matter what, and maybe the extra money we provide will help everyone else.

He isn't comfortable paying for everything as although we have the money saved, he did make a good point that our wedding in the US will cost far more than the overseas one would have due to the exchange reat - duh, should hae thought of that. 

He also said I misinterpreted him about wanting to teach his sister a lesson about saving money - he just really wants her to come. I know that he wishes his sister and her husband were better with money overall b/c he's worried about her future, which I do understand.

@cobalt - the only reason we changed to the US is due to immigration stuff.  i was very excited about getting married in NZ - I love it there!

I also want to mention - that we already postponed getting married once due to his sister annoucing her wedding with only a few months notice a few years back. Of course we went even though I personally at the time could not afford it (never told him that - just put the plane fare on my credit card and paid it off  over a few months when I got back).  I don't expect her to be able to do the same thing but I'm just sayin'...

Right after we got the new about her wedding, my partner looked at me and blurted out "That stinks.  Now I'll have to wait to propose to you so we don't steal the thunder from my sister." 

So, I've already got issues, y'know? 

daydream, that was exactly my thinking. as someone else already said, I'd be pissed if I pushed back the date and then she didn't have the money!

the rest of his family won't be the problem.  they are trying to make it seem like they are but its the sister. and we're going to pay for most of the flights which are by far the biggest cost. 

yeah, cheerful, I have noticed that too. it's a shame.  i do hope they are all able to come to b/c I know it means so much to him.

I hate to sound harsh, but if his sister can't make it she can't make it. You are already making enough sacrifices not having your wedding in your dream destination and postponing once, you should not have to wait any longer for his sister. No matter when you have it, no matter where you have it, something can always come up. People get sick, people lose their jobs, people can't fly, period.

My sister and MOH is probably not coming to my wedding and she just told me (less than a month to go!). I could postpone it for her, I could move it for her, but then people would be canceling flights, losing money, and no doubt someone else important to me might not be able to make it on the new date instead.

Remember the day is about you and him. You need to remind him of that, and that it's important to you to just get this wedding done and over with, so you can start the rest of your lives together asap :)

Mrsbradtobe - Yeah I am upset - I love NZ.  My FI is actually less upset b/c he has many friends here who would not be able to come - my best friends were all going to make it. My friends were so excited for the trip too. 

At least now my 95 year old grandma and 90 year old great aunt can come! 

We're actually already married in the US - I don't mention it to any people b/c we did it just for non romantic reasons but it actually was quite romantic and nice - but our immigration lawyer advised us against traveling in April (he orginally said it would be fine but is concerned there might be a backlog with paperwork).

We'll have a party in NZ after when we can travel - maybe in the same spot. :)

@dorsay - He has a travel permit but our lawyer said its still risky to travel even with the permit. 

Anyway, I'm much calmer about all of this now - we emailed his parents and told them we would be able to pay for 3/4 of the cost (thank goodness for the exchange rate) - so hopefully that will help everyone be able to come!   If they can't I might just be okay with postponing now that I've had a little while to relax.